No More Broken Promises
by Sarabellum93
Summary: Axel is the perfect boyfriend to Roxas, but that only feeds Roxas' desire to continue cheating on him. No matter how wonderful Axel is, it only drives Roxas to other hands. How much is too much for Axel? Major Yaoi & Lemon scenes. M for a reason. akuroku
1. How It Isnt

Roxas' POV

I woke up sore and dizzy, sighing when I saw that my boyfriend was still asleep. Axel must have known that I snuck in sometime at night since he was sleeping with his back towards me, as if to prove that he was mad at me. I couldn't blame him. I never bothered to hide the fact that I was cheating on him anymore; it was so routine that everyone knew. Everyone knew that I was with Axel but slept with anyone who would take me. Everyone knew I was a slut. Axel knew, but he still loved me. He hated how I treated him, but no matter how much he threatened to leave, he never would. He was the hottest and most sincere guy I had ever met, but I still treated him like shit. He would make sweet love to me, hold me through the night and my nightmares, he would constantly tell me he loved me, and in return I slept with anyone, guy or girl, who was up for it. When he first found out I cheated on him, he cried. He made me feel so guilty that I promised him I wouldn't do it again. But I did. And after that, he told me I had one more chance. When I broke that warning, he admitted that he couldn't leave me. From then on, we accepted our relationship as it is, or should I say, how it isn't.

Every day it's the same game of us fighting, yelling, occasionally hitting each other, and in the end I run off to fuck or be fucked by someone other than my boyfriend, and when I get kicked out of their place, I come back to Axel. He would complain about being the rebound of someone else's fuck buddy when he should be the only, and when I yell back, he gives up. He tries hard to make me feel better, he tries to promise that we'll always be together, he swears to do anything to make us work. But the better he treats me, the worse I treat him. It's like a sad pathetic game that I get myself stuck in and no matter how much I hate myself for it, I can't stop.

Sometimes, when things get really heated, he leaves first. He takes off on his motorcycle and ignores me for a day or two. That's the worst, because it turns me bipolar. As he's leaving the house, I get furious. I yell at him, threaten him, throw shit at him even as he's out the door, and I flip him off as he rides in the distance. While he's gone, I cry. I cry because I'm alone and I'm hurt and I don't even deserve it. I don't deserve to miss him. I don't deserve someone as wonderful as Axel to miss and watch in sorrow as he leaves. Then I get excited, promising myself to treat him better when he returns. I swear on my life that I'll be the boyfriend he deserves, and sometimes for the first few hours of his return, I do. But any little thing triggers our old behaviors and we're back to where we started. Back to the yelling, the hitting, the constant fighting that drives us farther apart.

I knew one of those days was going to happen today because I cheated on him again last night. We got into a big fight over something so stupid, I don't even remember. I just remember yelling at him and every time he tells me to calm down, I yell louder. He started yelling too, telling me to shut the fuck up so he could sleep and I flipped out and started throwing shit and he told me to fuck off, so I did. I ran all the way to Zexion's house, since he's my current boy toy. We had a quickie and I knew I had to be back sometime after Axel fell asleep but before it was too late. When I showed up he was indeed asleep, but when I woke up and his back was towards me, I knew that he knew I was home.

And that's where I am now. Watching my adorable, perfect, beautiful boyfriend sleep, wondering who I'm going to cheat on him with next, because I'm stuck in this pattern of making my shitty life worse. His friends and mine think I'm nothing but shit for how I treat him. And they're right. I should be thankful for how lucky I am to have someone so sexy and kind as he is, but I'm not. I abuse him and take advantage of him and now that I know I can get away with it, I can't stop.

I don't always hate him. There are times when all I want is to be with him. Usually it's when he hates me that I love him. We're never on the same page. When he threatens to leave and when he yells at me, I cry to make him feel guilty so we can make up and cuddle. But when he loves me tenderly and wholly, I mistreat him. And I hate myself for it. And the more I hate myself, the more I miss him, but I can't act like it, because I'm too stubborn and prideful to ever admit it. So I continue to hate myself and act like I hate him, when in reality, I'd do anything to be who he deserves, if only I knew how.

I sat up, trying not to wake him up, but I failed miserably.

"Where'd you go?" Axel asked, sitting up without looking at me.

"Zexion's." I never lied to him, there wasn't a need anymore.

"Did you fuck him?" He asked, straight to the point.

"No." Again I didn't lie. Zexion fucked me. When Axel and I fought because I was angry and spiteful, I slept with a guy and let him take top. When Axel and I fought because he hurt my feelings and I felt a lack of control, I slept with a girl so I could manipulate her and feel like I had control over something.

"Get up." He said, nudging me off the bed.

"Stop!" I yelled, too tired to do as he said.

"Get up and walk." I knew what he was getting at, and I knew I'd only start another fight if I agreed.

"No."

"You let him fuck you, didn't you?" I don't know why he asked, it wasn't anything new and even our friends knew better than to question.

"Why do you care?" this was my usual way of starting fights I didn't want but always got stuck in.

"Because I'm your boyfriend! I'm the only one who should be in there!" He said, pointing to my ass as I sat on it.

"Well you're not. It's your damn fault for kicking me out yesterday."

"Only because you were throwing shit at me!" Axel waved his arms up, and I knew where this was heading.

"Well you pissed me off." I shrugged simply.

"You're pissing me off now." Axel sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked with sarcasm at the situation.

"You guna go fuck someone?" Axel asked, serious and I felt guilty.

"I don't know." I said quietly, wishing I hadn't said anything. Axel sighed.

"Why are we even together Rox? You obviously don't love me."

"Don't say that." I hated hearing that. I hated hearing that more than anything because deep down I knew it wasn't true. I wasn't capable of being a great boyfriend, but that didn't mean that I didn't love. I hardly knew what love was, and the only love I knew was because of Axel. I knew deep in my heart that I couldn't love any of the one night stands' I had, but I loved Axel because he was faithful and loving in return.

"If you loved me you wouldn't be looking for it elsewhere." Axel intertwined his fingers together and placed them under his chin, thinking.

"I love you Axe," I said, honestly but not enough for Axel to be convinced.

"Then prove it dammit!" Axel snapped. He's usual calm and even tempered and able to maintain a state of cool, but for weeks we've been fighting like this nonstop, it was only a matter of time before he'd crack.

"Alright, I will." I said, perhaps with too much attitude for him. I stood up and exited the room.

"Stop being a little bitch." He threw a pillow at me as I made my way to the kitchen, following me with more in his hands.

"Stop throwing shit at me!" I overreacted, like usual, opening the fridge to find something edible.

"What are you guna do? Kick me out of MY house so I can go cheat on you with some other slut?" Axel slammed the fridge door shut while I was trying to search for a meal.

"What do you mean some other slut?" I took this offensively.

"You heard me! You're a slut. You're nothing but a fucking dirty slut!" Axel pushed me onto the kitchen table roughly.

"Stop!" my eyes were starting to water; they always did when someone became too rough with me because my dad used to beat the living shit out of me when I was little.

"Why? So you can go run off and fuck some girl's pussy? So you can treat her like a hole, because that's the only part of her you care about for the few hours you do care? You're so selfish and cruel! Taking advantage of people, then leaving them like trash on a curb so you can come back here and take advantage of me! Well I'm done with it! I'm done with your bullshit! If you're guna treat bitches like a hole, then that's how I'm guna treat you!" Axel ripped off my pants, then his, and as I squirmed in resistance, he fucked my dry and hard on the table.

"Stoooop! Please!" I cried, hating the lack of affection and care that Axel always had when we made love.

"Shut up!" he yelled and I cried louder. I screamed, angry and hurt and feeling worthless. Good job Axe, mission complete.

"Sorry," I begged for him to stop and he did. No matter how hard he may have wanted to, he couldn't be a monster. It just wasn't him. He didn't know how to be cruel; he didn't know how to be heartless, because even when he fought at his angriest, I knew I deserved it.

"Me too," He pulled out and walked away, and I sat there crying. I looked down at myself, not even hard because I got no pleasure of his roughness. When I sat up slowly, I noticed a hickey on my thigh that Zexion must have given me. I sighed, feeling guiltier than ever for letting Axel see it, since I usually put make-up over such scars.

"Where are you going?" I asked, zipping my jeans while I watched him grab his helmet.

"I need some space Rox." He put on a leather jacket.

"Can, can you wait?" I always needed to snuggle after sex; it was my way of feeling wanted and not remembering the other sick twisted things my dad used to do to me.

"No," He said simply.

"Please? I need you." He knew what I meant by that, how I needed to be reassured of my self-worth.

"Maybe when I get back Roxy." He opened the door and I yelled.

"You cant leave me!" I stomped my foot.

"You leave me all the time, so don't give me that bullshit!" he turned around, his hands in fists.

"Let's just talk about it," I tried to distract him from leaving, but he didn't buy it, since he knew how much I hated talking about our issues.

"I said maybe later." He went out the door and I chased after. I picked up a picture frame and threw it at him, but he ignored the pain and the echoing sound of the shattering glass. He straddled his motorcycle and sped off, flipping me off after he noticed I was flipping him off.

I went back inside and slammed the door, ready to start what I had expected.

I went to him room, cried out my frustration, then made my usual promise to treat him better. I even made a little sign…ok I wrote on lined paper "SORRY", and left it on the coffee table in the living room, right where he can't miss it. I cried myself to sleep, waking up four hours later due to the exhaustion both physical and emotional.

I knew Axel was home because I woke up with the blankets pulled up perfectly and even across my chest. I slept like a tornado, moving and kicking violently in my sleep. Axel was the opposite. Even in his deepest of sleep, he can remain perfectly still. He never complained how much I accidentally kicked him at night, or how often I stole his blankets or shoved him to the edge. Instead, he'd hold me and use me to keep him warm. Damn. Now I missed him more than ever. I wanted to jump out and run to him, throwing my arms around him and admitting I was the wrong one. But I couldn't do that, because I was too shamed to shame myself even more.

Instead, I quietly got up and snuck into the hall to peak into the kitchen. He had changed into black cargo pants, a dark green lose shirt, and his hair was tied into a ponytail, revealing how truly beautiful his face is. I watched him prepare some raw meat to BBQ when I realized that today was the day he was having friends over.

"You staying for the BBQ?" He asked and I wondered how long he had known I was standing there.

"Am I welcomed?" I asked from my corner, not too sure if he was angry or upset still.

"You live here too Roxas." He said, not looking at me at all.

I entered the kitchen and rested my back against the fridge. "Who's coming?"

"Demyx, his boyfriend Xigbar, Saix and his boyfriend Xemnas, and I think Marluxia is coming too. You can invite Sora and Riku if you want."

I thought for a moment. Demyx was Axel's number one best friend ever. And, he was gorgeous. If he wasn't so close to Axel, I'd probably try to make a move on him. He was cute, sweet, and always put everyone in a good mood. I was jealous of Xigbar for having him, even though I don't know how those two landed up together. But I'm not one to judge relationships. Saix and Xemnas were ok in my book, so I didn't mind being around them. Marluxia was cool, and pretty for a guy. His natural pink hair made him embrace his homosexuality before the rest of us did, but he's really smart and creative and artistic, and I like talking with him. It distracts me from the chaotic life I set up for myself. And of course, I'd love to see my twin, Sora. Even though we lived in the same city, we hardly saw each other. We were twenty years old but lived two totally different lifestyles. I lived with my dad growing up, wishing I hadn't. Sora stayed with our mom, who never wanted me, because I looked exactly like my dad. Sora is happy, cheerful, peppy, adorable, and my life. Despite our never seeing each other, we share a bond no one could ever break. And his boyfriend Riku is amazing and treats Sora perfectly. I trust him to take care of my baby twin. For the same reason, I know Sora likes Axel. Sora used to lecture me when he found out I would get drunk and cheat on Axel, but he also knows that Axel is the best option for me. I think Sora thinks that if I were single, there would be nothing to stop me from running away to a worse lifestyle or even killing myself. Axel keeps me as controlled as anyone ever had, and Sora respects how hard Axel works to maintain that.

"Ok, I'll call Sora." I said, rushing to my cell phone and inviting him over. With just thirty minutes before everyone was about to show up, I knew I had to fix things with Axel.

"Axe, can we talk?"

"About?" He was loading cans of soda and beer into the cooler. Axel was twenty two and most of his friends were the same age or a year older, except Riku who was twenty one.

"About us. I don't want to fight while people are over."

"You don't want Sora to worry." Axel translated.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Well it's not like we plan on fighting, or at least I don't." Axel rolled his eyes.

"Are you saying I do?" I balled my fists.

"See, you snap so easily over nothing. That's what I'm talking about." Axel stood up and stretched.

"I'm sorry," I crossed my arms, trying to relax.

"Just calm down. I love you, ok?" Axel grabbed my wrists and pulled me into a hug I couldn't refuse. He still hadn't cuddled with me since he fucked me against my will.

"I love you too Axe." I said, breaking the hug to go get ready.


	2. Just Getting Started

When I finished getting ready, everyone was already outside in the backyard. Demyx and Xigbar were in the pool swimming, Sora and Riku were sitting side by side, Riku with a beer and Sora with a soda, and Marluxia was talking to Saix and Xemnas about his garden, or something stupid like that. Axel was manning the BBQ and I walked over to him to try to prove to his friends that we belonged together. It didn't work. His friends, all of them, eyed me like I was the devil himself. I remember Xigbar saying to Axel that he should break up with me, right in front of me! It was awkward but Axel ignored him. That was about a month ago, and I hoped he wouldn't try the same thing again.

"You're guna burn them." I said, looking at the steaks.

"No I wont."

"Yeah, you burn everything." I rolled my eyes.

"If you don't like it, don't eat it." Axel didn't look at me.

"Don't be an ass."

"They're at it already." Xigbar announced, getting out of the pool.

"Shut up!" I scoffed at him.

"Where's his leash Axe?" Demyx smiled at me and if he weren't so sexy I'd probably snap at him too.

"Don't talk about him that way." Sora said, the youngest of all of us there, by thirteen minutes. Riku put a hand on his shoulder to both calm him and support him, and it worked.

"Who wants another?" Marluxia asked, trying to fix the tension by holding up some beers. I took one and Sora frowned at me. My twenty first birthday was only months away, although I usually didn't need an excuse to drink without feeling bad for it. Getting hammered was the only thing that relaxed me, because I could wake up hours later without remembering why I was guilty, which, as sad as it sounds, was the only way I could survive. But Sora hated seeing me drink, almost as much as Axel. Axel always got the worst of my drunken state, because I went through three phases when I drank, and he suffered each of them to the end. First I was the annoying wana-be funny drunk who does something stupid to try to make people laugh. When they laugh at me, I get all emotional and cry and panic about being all alone. After my dramatic stage, I move to the third and final stage: anger. I blow up and yell and throw shit and scream till I lose my voice or pass out, or both.

"Rox, lay off, two's enough since you haven't eaten yet." Axel advised.

"Nah, I'm just getting started." I slurred after I chugged half of my beer in one giant sip.

"Shit man, he's guna puke before the nights over." Xigbar laughed, finding my inevitable misery amusing.

"Roxas, chill." Axel put his hands on my shoulders and I put mine on his.

"No, you chill!" I laughed, pushing him in the pool. A couple people laughed quietly, but when Axel resurfaced, they went silent.

"Roxas? What the fuck?" He yelled, splashing water out at me as I giggled, drunk but not enough to do that without knowing better.

"You think this is funny?" He asked, climbing out of the pool and I nodded.

"Axel," Sora sent out a warning that if he tried any method of revenge, he'd sick Riku on him. Sora was pretty helpless against someone as tall and strong as my boyfriend, but Riku was muscular and tough. Axel looked as Sora and then at me.

"My phone was in my pocket, asshole!" He pulled out his phone and my eyes widened at the broken phone. I giggled again, hoping to hold onto the tiny bit of buzz that was escaping me fast. Axel didn't find the water damaged image so funny, and without hesitation he slapped me HARD across the face. His wet hand stung as I held onto my cheek, as red as his hair. I panted, in more pain that I was willing to admit.

"Axel!" Sora yelled and Riku ran up to Axel and put a hand on his shoulder.

"That's enough." The silver haired boy said and I stayed in my frozen position of fear and pain.

"Yeah, I've had enough of him." Axel said and I looked up at him, his eyes tired and drained. "We're through." He said, staring me down until I broke out crying. I wailed loudly as I ran to his room, hoping it was all a nightmare. No matter how badly I treated him and how often he threatened, I never thought he'd break up with me. And now, I couldn't take it. If I had known he was serious….oh god what did I do?

I threw myself on his bed and sobbed into his bedding, asking myself why over and over again. Why did I treat him so badly? Why didn't I see this coming? Why didn't I try to stop things from getting this bad? For the life of me, why?

I felt a hand comb through my hair as I wept and I knew it was Sora's. I continued to cry as he silently fingered my hair for about five more minutes before I got angry again. I sat up quickly and before Sora could calm me down, I started throwing anything I could get my hands on. I threw all the bedding off the bed, I threw pictures off the walls and across others. I threw his belongings onto the floor, I threw his clothes out of the closet and I wasn't surprised when I saw him in the doorway, probably trying to discover the origin of the sound of his possessions smashing on the floor.

"You done?" He asked me and I could tell he had been crying, or at least trying to hide it.

"NO!" I yelled back, still crying and now fisting my eyes, ready to die at any moment since I lost the only one I ever had or loved.

"Roxas, stop!" Sora tried to control me but I've always been stronger than him. Riku jumped in but I began throwing shit again and he backed up. Axel marched up to me and I slapped him. He halted, immobilized by my action, looking at me in bewilderment. I started hitting him wildly and as he tried to control me, I became more violent. Riku went to his aid and next thing I knew, I was being dragged out of his house and was thrown into Riku's backseat.

"He'll stay with us. I'll get his things tomorrow." Sora assured Axel as Riku child locked the doors from the inside and I flailed about the backseat like a wild animal taken hostage, screaming and swearing.

After ten minutes of driving, I gave up and traded my anger for sorrow. Riku walked me to his apartment, where Sora lived too, and they offered me to stay there as long as I needed since they had a spare room. I thanked them quietly and went to the spare room to lie down. I could hear Sora and Riku in their room watching a movie. They were the perfect couple in every way; true love at its finest. I was jealous of them and what they had. If only Axel and I could have had that. Axel. Fuck. I missed him. I started crying again, wishing I could have another chance. No more broken promises, no more lies, no more bullshit. Just love.

When I made sure they had fallen asleep by sneaking in for a peak, I ran away. I didn't know where I was going or who would take me, but I didn't care. I never cared. I'd take anyone who'd take a slut as dirty as me, so why should I start caring now?

The only one who popped into my mind was Zexion so I went to his house and knocked and his door.

"Roxas?"

"Can I stay the night?" I got straight to the point.

"I don't know, I don't think it's a good idea."

"What?"

"Roxas, we had fun in the past, but that's where I want to keep it."

"Please, I'll sleep on the couch, I have nowhere else to go!"

Zexion shook his head. "Goodnight Roxas."

I watched him shut the door in my face and I started tearing up again. For Zexion to reject me was a new low. The emo style usually wasn't my type, but at the same time, they are the easiest ones to get. Zexion's cute and smart, but has no self-esteem when it comes to his love life, so it wasn't much work for me to get him, which is my type.

But now, I felt like I hit rock bottom, not able to keep the one guy who hated life more than I did. Shit. How pathetic does one have to be to lose a guy who didn't love you to begin with? I cried at the curbside for about five minutes before I cursed at myself for being such an unwanted loser. I tried to think of anyone else who would let me stay the night at their place, even if I couldn't get them to fuck me. Namine wouldn't let me in because she was too quiet and shy unless she was drunk; that's the only way I was able to nail her last time. Xion had too much attitude to let me take advantage of her couch or bed like that, and I wouldn't want to sleep with her again anyway. I couldn't ask any of my friends that knew Axel, because they all liked Axel better than me and I didn't want my ….ex…to know how desperate I was now. Before tonight, I would never have called myself desperate, because I could easily find what I wanted and where without much trouble. But going from a last minute one-night-stand to a roommate for the night were two totally different things, and none of my 'friends' liked me enough to let me sleep over.

I dug into my pocket and found a piece of paper that had a name and number on it and I remembered that I got it from a cute body guard at a night club the other night, when I last wore these pants. I tried to sneak in, but when he caught me, he charged me a deep tongued kiss to let me go in anyway. I agreed and when he got off his shift soon after, he bought me a drink. We made out and he gave me his name, number, address and told me I was welcomed any night I wanted to go over.

Tonight was that night. I knew the neighborhood he lived in and quickly found the house itself, knocking on the door a little before midnight.

"Hey blondie," Luxord let me in and I asked if I could stay the night.

"I'd rather we skip the formalities. Just start stripping." Luxord was tall and big framed, not at all like the guys I preferred and not nearly as narrow wasted as my…as Axel. His hair was bleach blonde, his ears were pierced, and he worked at a casino. He was a catch, but even I was weary of what could happen. Afraid of what he could do to me, I obeyed and stripped right there in his living room.

"Ready?" he asked, grabbing my arm and leading me to a wall, shoving me up against it and without warning or stretching me, he intruded inside me. Immediately, I started sobbing like a baby. I hadn't been fucked standing up since….my dad. He was truly sick and disgusting and the reason I am why I am. A slut.

"Shut up!" Luxord slapped my ass hard and I whimpered. Flashbacks hit me hard and I started freaking out, which made Luxord livid.

"Shut the fuck up!" He spanked me roughly and I could feel my experienced ass reaching its limit. Usually I could take it rough and long, but Luxord's size was beyond anything that I'd ever hosted inside myself. I shouted and when he started fingering himself just to come faster. I let out a scream and he came out of me, twisted my body in a 180 spin, and shoved me without mercy onto the hard cold floor. I shivered and cried and he pulled me by the hair and dragged my legs across the floor into his room.

He picked me up and tossed me on his bed, taking me once again in an uncomfortable position. He spread my legs and I was so close to doing the splits as he rammed into me in the most painful sex I've had since my dad used to rape me.

When he came inside me, he shoved my face into the pillow and I could hardly breathe. He rolled over and sighed as he closed his eyes, ready to sleep. I sniffled, not knowing how I was going to tell him about my needs to be held, especially now that I was having flashbacks of my past.

"Lux, Luxy?" I sniffled, trying to be adorable and cute like he kept saying I was when we met in the bar.

"What do you want?" He asked, his native British accept really started to sound annoyed with me.

"Can you hold me?"

"Hold you? God I thought I was fucking a pussy, and now you want me to hold one?" I started getting angry. Now he was insulting me and treating me like shit and making me feel like my sex wasn't good enough. Making me feel like….like I make Axel feel. Fuck. He would never make me feel this way. If he were here right now, he'd hold me and tell me that everything was going to be ok and caress my back gently as I wept in his arms. If he were here right now, I wouldn't be in this situation because he never took it this far. He knew me so well and treated me so wonderfully that he'd never hurt me, not even accidentally. He knew when I started feeling scared or getting flashbacks just by the way my eyes would squint and my fingers would shake. He knew to stop what he was doing and hold me. Kiss me gently on my temples. Tell me he loved me.

God. What the fuck was wrong with me? How could I let him slip away? How could I have made such broken promises?

Luxords words echoed in my mind and the more I thought about Axel, the more I missed him and the angrier I got. "Fuck you!" I yelled at Luxord.

"Well I'd rather fuck myself than a pussy like you!"

"Shut up!"

"Get out!" Luxord pointed to the door and I stood up to fumble with my clothes.

"Gladly, you British bitch!" and right then I felt his backhand smack my face, the opposite cheek that Axel had slapped. His ring imprinted on my cheek and I could feel stinging so hard, it made my eyes water and my nose twitch.

"Get the fuck outa my house you whore!" I hated being called a whore because I hated how true it was. I stuffed my feet in my shoes and headed out the door when Luxord yelled at me. "Aye Blonde!"

When I turned my face to answer, my cell phone met my cheek, the exact same one he had just slapped.

"Ow!" I rushed my hand to my face. My phone must have slipped out when I scrambled to get my clothes on.

"Bye!" Luxord waved then fell back on his bed while I slammed his front door behind me. I didn't know where I was headed, but decided to check my phone since it's sharp tingling still stained my face. I had three missed calls and four texts, all from either Sora or Riku. I didn't bother to check any of them, but I called Sora and he answered before the first ring even finished.

"Roxas? Roxas where are you?"

All I could do was sniffle into the phone.

"Roxas, are you ok?"

Again I sniffled.

"Roxas?"

"Hey," I said so he knew I was ok, or as ok as I could be.

"Where are you?"

"Near Twilight Town High," I said, just a quarter mile away from said landmark.

"Stay there, we'll be right there to get you." He hung up and I knew he and Riku were on their way to get me.

I walked slowly to the high school, sitting on the grassy field waiting for Riku's expensive car to pull up. My face still stung and I couldn't even feel my ass anymore. When I saw Sora leap out of Riku's car, I told him to be careful before he hugged me too tightly.

"You ok? What happened?" He asked me with concern.

"I was …raped. It wasn't wanted and I tried to get him to stop, but he didn't. He slapped me too and my face stings." I said quietly. I could always be honest with Sora, even if I knew it would make him worry, because I knew he deserved to know.

"Oh Roxas! It's ok, you're safe now." He lifted me up and carried half my weight. When we got close enough to the car I could see my reflection in Riku's dark tinted car windows. My face was so red I thought of Axel, and when Sora opened the door behind the passenger seat he rode in, I saw said redhead. I wanted to ask what he was doing there, I wanted to jump into his arms, I wanted to hold him and beg him to take me back. But instead, I just sat there silent.

"Everyone buckled in?" Riku asked, being the perfect human being that he was. Sora nodded after he clicked his seat belt in and turned around to make sure I was too, but I wasn't.

"Roxas, you need to put your seat belt on." He told me but I didn't move. I could see Riku's eyes move nervously in the rear view mirror.

"Just go," I whispered.

Sora turned back around, not happy but not willing to fight about it. When Riku slowly pushed on the gas pedal, Axel unbuckled his seat belt and scooted to the middle seat. He leaned over me, took my seat belt, and buckled me in before buckling his new seatbelt on. Part of me wanted to swat his hand away while he reached across me, but more than anything I wanted to grab his hand and hold onto it for dear life.

But instead, I kept quiet.

"Where do you want to go Roxas?" Riku asked me, clearly giving me a choice between Axel's and his place as he got on the freeway.

I shrugged and Axel spoke up for me. "We'll go home."

Sora turned around and looked at me as if to ask if I was ok with Axel's decision. I nodded and he smiled.

"To Axel's!" he fist pumped the air like a little kid and Riku smiled at him and ruffled his hair. Damn, they were perfect in every single way; he was cute, he was adorable, he was so sweet. He was always the good twin. No wonder mom liked him better.

I started to frown deeply into my reflection as I stared out the window and I could tell that everyone in the car noticed.

"You ok?" Riku asked, occasionally checking into his rear view mirror to look at me.

I didn't answer and Sora twisted around.

"You thinking about dad?" He knew that what I told him back at the school would remind me of our dad. I nodded, a silent tear escaping my eyes.

"What about your dad?" Riku asked Sora.

"Roxas…gets flash backs about some shit our dad used to do to him." Sora explained simply and Axel turned to me.

"Did someone rape you?" He asked me but I couldn't answer. I could only cry, which was pretty much a confession. Axel wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side, which I welcomed all too easily.

"Oh Roxas," Riku's mouth hung open and I chocked over a tear.

"It's ok Roxas, we're going home." Axel rubbed my arm, calming me down as we pulled into his driveway. Sora vowed to come over in the morning and Axel reassured him that he and I would be ok for the rest of the night, and I believed him because I knew I had no fight left in me.


	3. Say No More

Axel carried me into his house, cradling me like a baby as I sniffled and released the last of my tears. He set me on his bed and sat beside me, silent for a little while as we both reflected the intense day behind us.

"You wana shower?" He didn't have to ask because he knew how much I needed to feel clean after sex. Showering after the 'dirty act' was as close to clean as a slut like me could ever get. But he asked anyway, because he's amazing like that.

"Yeah." I wiped a tear and he got the shower ready, knowing that I preferred them over baths, even if I was sore from our love making.

"Water's ready." He stood in the doorway and took his ponytail out, letting his long hair fall straight to his shoulders. He must have showered and washed his hair since I was last here and he probably straightened it too. It was naturally straight, but it never fell so easy a victim to gravity without the use of products. Instead, his hair would jet out in the back like a porcupine, an adorable red porcupine.

I stood up and he put an arm around my waist to help me to the shower and he cleaned me up as I stood there, still and quiet. It was the least sexual shower I had ever had. He soaped me, sponged me with a wash cloth, rinsed me, and dried me without being too rough or making me too excited. He did it with all the tenderness and care that anyone could ever do, and all I could do was silently watch him as I envied myself for letting him go.

"How did you end up with Sora?" I asked, wondering how he knew about my call with my twin. I predicted that Sora had called him once he and I got off the phone, but I wanted to be sure.

"I was sitting here miserably and everyone left soon after you, Riku, and Sora did. I was all alone and I hated it. I missed you and I just felt like I needed to talk to you. After some thought, I decided to go to your brothers place to try and work things out, but before I could get out the door Sora called me. It was a good thing I caught the phone on my way out, since my cell's broken."

I frowned, that was my fault.

"Anyway, when he told me that you were missing, I asked him to pick me up so we could all get you, in case you were in serious trouble and Riku needed backup." Axel got comfortable sitting up in his bed after he made sure I was first.

"You want another pillow?" He even offered me his only pillow, after he gave me his secondary one.

"No, I'm fine." I wanted to use him as a pillow, but I didn't know how to say it, or if I should at all.

"You wana talk about it? About your dad?" Axel knew I hated that topic, but perhaps he knew me better than I give him credit for, cause I sure needed someone to at least ask.

"I'm ok." I said, rubbing my eyes, tired, wanting to cuddle so badly with Axel. Even if Axel were to reject me right now, I wouldn't want to cuddle with anyone else. Usually I could picture myself leaving him if I had to and using someone else's body to comfort myself. But right here right now, I knew that only Axel could keep me warm. Only he could make me feel like I was still worth keeping, like I was worth forgiving and trying to make things better.

"You wana go to bed?" Axel turned on the TV and turned it down low, knowing, like always, how I lived; how I fell asleep perfectly when I was in his arms and trying to stay awake watching TV. He used to stay up late while I would try to, and when I fought my tired body he would laugh at me and say how cute I was for trying so hard to keep my eyes open when I'd fail every time. I would get fake mad at him, you know, when you want to be mad at him but you can't? I'd tell him to shut up, but I would be too tired to say it clearly, and he would only laugh more. He'd kiss me and snuggle with me and I'd fall into a deep calm sleep for the entire night.

"Yeah, I'm tired." I yawned, unable to hold back the smile growing on my face when Axel positioned himself right beside me, grabbing my arm and not even giving me a choice but to lean on him, which I was more than thankful for.

"Go to bed," He soothingly whispered as I pushed my face into his chest, getting as comfortable as possible. I wanted to fall asleep right then and there but I couldn't, not while I had so much to work out with Axel.

"Axe?" I asked, half awake, fighting it harder than ever before.

"What is it Roxy?"

"Take me back, please?" My eyes started to water as I looked into his, so bright and priceless, exactly like emeralds in every way.

"I was about to ask you to take me back." Axel smiled down at me and I smiled back. I knew this wouldn't be easy, and I knew that proving that I'd never cheat on him again would only be possible with time, but I was willing. I didn't want to feel anyone else's arms around me; didn't want to sleep with anyone else or be touched by anyone but him. Cause in the end, only he would be there for me and love me the way I needed it. In the end, I promised to say no more broken promises.


	4. Breaking Promises

Author's Note: What you are about to read takes place BEFORE the three chapters you just read! It's as if this is supposed to go first, but I wanted to post it after you already had a taste of what the relationship was like. SO please keep in mind that this chronologically takes place before what you just read. Ok, that is all, thank you ^_^

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><p>I sat there at the kitchen table, wondering how I let things get this bad. My boyfriend wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even look at me; he just cried when he found out.<p>

It was never my intention to let him know I had cheated on him, but when his best friends boyfriend caught me, I knew it was only a matter of time till he knew.

Axel and I had been dating for a month and things were great. He was always so attentive to my needs, so patient with my wants, so understanding of my pains. The sex is amazing and I'm lucky to have someone as kind and loving as him to comfort me when we finished making love.

But a couple of days ago, we got into our first fight. He expressed his concern that I was slowly distancing myself from him, and even though I had done so subconsciously, I knew he was right.

I was never one for commitment, so part of me knew it was inevitable. I live with him at his house, but when he leaves for work, I get lonely. And on the day of our fight, he told me that if I were just using him for sex and a place to live, he'd kick me out on my ass.

I got so mad that he'd accuse me of that, that soon after he left, I ran off to a local night club. I'm under twenty one, but I know how to sneak into pretty much anything.

I was just hoping to have a couple drinks, nothing too much, but when I caught a hot hunk of a blonde eyeing me, I couldn't help but flirt back. It started with some simple winks, smiling, hand blown kisses, then the next thing I knew, we were making out. My hands were groping his hair and his hands were invading my chest under my shirt as we escaped to his car. He was at least three years older than me, maybe even four, and his hair was nearly as gold as mine, his eyes like pure sapphires. We started getting more and more touchy, started licking and panting and I knew where this was heading. We were just about to start fucking when a loud harsh tap came from his window. We looked up and a tall buff brunette with a scar between his eyes started yelling.

"What the fuck Cloud?" the brunette hollered.

"Fuck you Leon!" Cloud shouted over the closed window.

"Better me than that kid!" The brunette pointed to me and I felt really insignificant.

"You never let me top." Cloud sat up, his voice much more calm.

"I will," The brunette put his palm against the window and Cloud looked back to me.

"Sorry kid," He opened his door and like a rejected stray animal, I was kicked out of the car, forced to listen to the couple get it on in the car.

I sat on the asphalt, starting to put my clothes back on when I heard snickering.

"Wait till Demyx hears this!" I stood up, buckling my pants, seeing Xigbars ugly face as he smoked outside of the club. Xigbar is Demyx's boyfriend, who is Axel's best friend. Fuck.

"C'mon Xig, don't tell!" I didn't want to sound like I was begging, but I had no choice.

"As if I won't. Already texted Demyx a pic of you swapping saliva with that blonde."

"Axel's guna kill me!" I rushed a hand to my head.

"Guess it's what you deserve," Xigbar shrugged and went back inside the club. I shouted obscenities as I walked back to Axel's, and when I got there, he was already home. He was sitting at the kitchen table, hands folded and foot tapping rapidly.

"Hey," I said, even though I had stood there like a ghost, I didn't want to be treated like one.

"Axel?" He never responded.

"Why Roxas? Why?" He shoved his face in his hands and I knew he knew.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"You're sorry? You think making out butt ass naked with some stranger can be fixed by saying you're sorry?" Axel slammed a fist on the table.

"I just…I'm sorry Axel."

Axel sighed. "Yeah, you already said that,"

That's when it all began. That's when I snapped.

"Well cause it's true so stop being an ass already!"

Axel popped his head up from his hands.

"You think I'M being an ass? For all I know, someone could have been in yours!"

"Well he wasn't so,"

"How can I believe you Roxas? Honestly, if Demyx didn't tell me, I don't think you ever would have told me. We'd be doing our thing and all this time you'd be hiding from me the fact that you cheated on me."

I was quiet.

"I'm right, aren't i?"

Again I was quiet.

"Dammit Roxas! I swear to God if you ever cheat on me again,"

"I won't so just drop it already!"

"Fuck you!" Axel flipped me off.

"Fuck you! I'm telling you I'm sorry, what more do you want?" I yelled.

"To fucking prove it!" Axel stood up and flipped the table over.

I sat in my chair wide-eyed, not aware of the anger he was capable of having. I heard his footsteps harsh against the hardwood, and then the unforgiving echo of the slammed door. I decided to give him his much needed time alone, and watched some TV to pass time.

After about three hours of cheesy game shows, I heard him emerge from his room. His eyes were just as swollen as his salt stained lips.

"Axe," I hated seeing him that way, knowing that it was all my fault.

"Prove to me that you love me," He didn't even look at me."

"How?"

"You decide."

"I love you, ok?"

"Why do you have to say it like that?" He put a hand to his forehead like he was sick; sick of me, perhaps.

"Look I said I'm sorry, so I don't know what else you want."

"Just fuck it Rox. I'm going to bed, I'm too tired to deal with this right now." He dragged his body away and for a while I just sat there on the couch, watching someone try to become a millionaire.

When I finally went in the bedroom, the lights were off, but I could tell by his unsteady breathing that he was still awake.

I tucked myself in right by him, trying to get cozy against his limp and unresponsive body. I couldn't sleep, not without his mutual touch, his loving arms around me.

"Axe?" I put my arm around his waist from behind.

"What?"

"I really am sorry. I'll never do it again, I promise. I love you." I squeezed him. He turned around to hold me, eyes tearing.

"I love you too Roxy."

That night I made a promise. A week and a half later, I broke it. Then I made another promise. Again I broke it.

This cycle has continued for so long, I don't know if I'll ever be able to break my habit of breaking promises.

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><p>Author's Note: Ok so now that you have read this and the first three chapters, EVERYTHING that will be posted from now on will be what happens AFTER the 3rd chapter! If there are any questions or confusion, feel free to comment about it so I can clarify if necessary.<p>

Thank you for reading

Heart, Sarabellum


	5. Almost Let You Let Me Go

I slowly blinked my eyes open; my head felt swollen with emotions from the entire day before. I wanted to be up before him, had a huge surprise awaiting him; if only I could drag this unwilling body out of bed. I rolled over, forcing myself up out of bed without trying to disturb Axel. He stirred a bit, but rolled over as I tip-toed out of the room. Thanks to Sora, I know how to bake really well, so I decided that baking Axel his absolute favorite desert, German chocolate cake with cherries and homemade vanilla frosting, would be the best way to win him back completely. It takes a while to make, but I was desperate to show Axel that I had changed….was changing…was at least willing to try. While the cake was in the oven and the frosting in the fridge, I ran to a nearby convenient store to buy party streamers and balloons, all red and green, my favorite colors because they remind me of Axel's gorgeous eyes and delectable hair.

Thankfully, Axel was still sound asleep and the cake was almost done when I got back. The faint aroma of sweet chocolate slowly rising in the oven drifted everywhere in the house. By the time I put the cherries on the frosting topped cake, Axel stumbled out of his room, still clearly tired.

"Whatcha doin?" Axel rubbed the sleep away from his eyes.

"It's for you," I showed him the platter, cake, frosting, cherries and all.

"For, for me?" Axel suddenly woke up, placing a hand on his chest.

I nodded.

"What? Why?" I didn't expect Axel to take my transformation as sudden as one pastry.

"I want to show you that I love you." I set the cake on the counter, leaning back against it. As much as I wanted to jump in his arms and confess my true love like they do in the movies, that just wasn't me. It's not who I am, who I ever was, or who I ever can be. But I know, that with practice and time, I can show Axel that I really do love him.

Axel smiled, a real genuine heart throbbing smile that made me blush. God he's beautiful when he's happy. "Aww, you're so sweet." Axel wrapped his arms around me, and then looped his thumbs in my belt loops just above my hips. He swayed us side to side gently, and when I rested my head on his chest, I knew this was right.

"I love you," Axel rested his chin on my head.

"I love you too," I squeezed his middle and I could feel his chest vibrate as he breathed.

"I want this to last Roxas. I want this to be real." Axel exhaled and I could tell that my constant and ever changing emotions and moods probably drained him more than it did me.

"Me too. I'm, I'm going to try," I said, looking up into his emerald eyes. He blinked, and I could tell that this moment was getting a little too raw for us.

"I can't take another heart-brake Rox. I just can't," He shut his eyes, and I could feel the jolting in his stomach as proof that he was ready to cry over losing this love.

"You won't have to," I did my best to hold him even though I'm much shorter than he is. I bet he's thinking that I'm just promising random bullshit like I would sometimes do just so we wouldn't fight. But I mean it this time. After he fell asleep last night, I stayed up for hours, talking to Sora over the phone. Hell, I even talked to Riku for help. I locked myself in the bathroom; and I cried. That link between my past and the pain I was causing Axel finally connected, and even though I had always known it, it took till last night to understand it enough to know how to change it. Sora said it wouldn't be easy; he said it'd take time and patience. Riku said it'd take lots of hard work and drive, but they both told me that it's the only way to have a healthy relationship with Axel. And I know I want that more than anything right now.

"I want you to promise me that this time will be different, but that's never changed anything in the past," Axel let go of the hug and I couldn't blame him for doubting me.

"I'll prove it," I grabbed his hand and led him to the living room to show him the balloons and decorations I spent an hour setting up.

"So, it's Christmas in May?" Axel scratched his head.

"No, red and green are my two favorite colors; cause, they remind me of you." I pointed to the streamers, and then to him. He smiled again and I wanted to melt.

"So you actually thought this through," Axel teased my hair with his hand.

"Of course," I giggled. Sora said that laughter is the best way to prove that you want to be with someone.

"I don't remember the last time I heard you laugh. Or saw you smile," Axel put his hand on my chin and lifted it up while he bent down to kiss me. I was hoping for a big dramatic and passionate kiss, but all he gave me was a gentle peck. But, Sora also said that those are the best to show someone that you love them as themselves, and not for their bodies. Damn, I had a lot to remember.

"What do you want to do?" I asked Axel as we sat on the couch together, watching TV, and eating cake.

Axel shrugged, "Doesn't matter."

"Anything you want to do, I'll do it," I didn't mean for it to sound as sexual as it did, and the expression on my face probably explained that, cause Axel laughed.

"Well," He picked me up, causing me to drop my fork in surprise, and placed me in his lap. "We never had that makeup sex." He kissed my ear and bit down hard.

"Ah!" I inhaled deep, my chest raising and my mouth opening without control.

"But," Axel took me off of his lap and I was stuck breathing heavy as he continued. "I swear to god Rox, if you're just using me,"

I stopped him there. "I'm not. Axe, I really want to change for you. And….and…and if not having sex at all will prove it, I'll go without it." I couldn't believe my own mouth, and I'm the one that said that! Axel was even more shocked. A slut like me? Refusing sex?

"You're that serious huh?" Axel looked at me like he couldn't believe I could do it. I nodded.

"I want this to last too Axe," I stared at my fork on the floor. Damn. I was getting hard and starting to crave all my usual habits. Starting to crave that intense rush of adrenaline when sweat mixes between our bodies; when his tongue is licking anything it can reach; when his cock is hard inside mine. Fuck. If I didn't stop reminiscing soon, I'd be hard enough to notice.

"Good. Then no sex it is," Axel stood up to take his plate into the kitchen and my heart sank. I kept telling myself that this time was going to be different. That this time, I could keep my promise. It became a mantra stuck in my head to keep away any temptations as I could only wish that this stage of proving myself wouldn't last too long.

When Axel got back to the couch, I did my best to smile. Sora told me that sometimes, even faking it can help us feel like its real. And if you get used to it, you'll learn to smile through anything, and mean it.

"I love you," I said, cause Sora also said that it was important for me to remind Axel. I wasn't trying to do all these things just because Sora said so, but man does it help to have some tips.

"I love you too Roxy," Axel kissed me on the cheek before he sat down next to me, changing the channel and I couldn't help but watch him as he watched TV.

"What?" Axel asked nervously after he noticed that I had been staring at him.

"I just….I cant believe I almost let you let me go," I didn't need any of Sora's advice to know that honesty was one of the best things in a relationship. Axel turned off the TV and moved to face me.

"We have a lot of work to do if we want it to be real and last this time," Axel said and I shook my head.

"Every time we fought or got angry at each other, it's because of me. I'm the reason. I'm the problem." Fucking shit. Sora never told me that admitting my faults would make me feel so shitty.

"We both have things we can work on." I could tell Axel was just trying to make me feel better.

"Not you," I hung my head low.

"Yes, even me,"

"Like what? Stop being so perfect so it doesn't hurt as much when I fuck up?" I buried my face in my hands. Half a day gone, and I was already losing it. This was going to be harder than Riku made it seem.

"Don't talk like that," Axel put his arm around me and I started crying.

"It's true Axe. I want to change, I want to be the boyfriend you deserve, but I just can't," I slammed my fist against his chest, not to hit him or cause him pain, but to show him my frustration. He held me tighter.

"I know you do, and I know you can. Shh, just calm down Rox, calm down." Axel inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly, silently coaching me to stop crying. When I reduced my tears to a sniffle, I put my arms around his neck.

"I really do love you," I needed to remind him; I needed to remind myself why all this work would be worth it.

"I know Rox. I love you too ok?" Axel pushed me away from him to wipe my tears and to let me see that gorgeous smile of his again.

"Kay," I sniffled again, rubbing my eyes, stopping when I felt his lips against mine.

"We'll get through this together," Axel winked and he stood to pick up.

"Let me do it," I said, beating him to clean-up duty.

"I can help," Axel offered a hand as I stuffed my arms of forks, glass cups, plates, and such.

"No, you have work. This is the least I can do," I tried to smile as he nodded and began to get ready for work. I wanted to be of help to him. I wanted him to value me and my existence the way that only Sora has thus far. But of course, I fucked that up. On my way in the kitchen, I spilled a cup that I was trying to keep from tipping over. After I spilled it, naturally I slipped on it, and as I crashed on the ground, back first, head second, I could hear the sound of shattering glass.

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><p>Author's Note: SO just to clarify, the last chapter that you just read was the first part of the story. This chapter takes off where chapter THREE (3) ended. So yeah, hope that makes sense.<p>

Thanks for reading! Reviews/comments are always appreciated =)

Heart, Sarabellum


	6. Let Me Take Care Of You

"No, you have work. This is the least I can do," I tried to smile as he nodded and began to get ready for work. I wanted to be of help to him. I wanted him to value me and my existence the way that only Sora has thus far. But of course, I fucked that up. On my way in the kitchen, I spilled a cup that I was trying to keep from tipping over. After I spilled it, naturally I slipped on it, and as I crashed on the ground, back first, head second, I could hear the sound of shattering glass.

"Roxas?" I could hear Axel yell, but my head hurt so badly from meeting tile.

"Ow," I couldn't move; my back felt so heavy.

"What happened?" Axel stood in the kitchen archway and saw what I couldn't from my position.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. I felt awful for breaking his stuff….at least since this time was accidental.

"Are you ok?" He asked, slipping into some shoes so he wouldn't cut himself on the broken glass.

"Yeah. But the plate," I sat up on one elbow, unable to move further.

"No, stay put, don't move." Axel tip-toed through the broken glass and toppled plates and dropped food to squat by me. "You sure you're ok? Is anything broken?"

"Yeah, I'm really sorry." I looked at the cup.

"Fuck the cup Rox. Are YOU ok?" Axel put his hand on the back of my head and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you." I said as he helped me up.

"Careful!" He warned since I was barefoot. "Here," He scooped me up like a baby and I put an arm around his neck, burying my face in the crevice between his shoulder and cheek, my favorite place to snuggle.

"Thank you," I said when we made our way out of the kitchen and he set me down.

"Of course." He looked down at me. "You're so cute," He smiled at me and I smiled, until I felt a sharp pain and groaned through it. "Whats wrong? Where does it hurt?"

"It's nothing. I think I'm just sore." I said, using my left arm to rub my back.

"Let me see," Axel stood behind me, lifted up my shirt, and gasped. "Shit, you're already bruised. Just go lie down. Can you walk? Do you want me to carry you?"

"I can finish," I started to walk back into the kitchen.

"Roxas, half your back is blue; there's no way I'm letting you back in there until you've had some rest."

"Axe, I can do it," I took a lazy step, more sore than I would have guessed.

"Roxas, bed time." Axel picked me up and I couldn't refuse being in his arms for anything.

"I'm sorry," I began to sniffle again. I hated being so emotional, but what I hated even more, was feeling helpless.

"For what?" Axel scoffed as if my apology was silly.

"For breaking the glass and for making you carry me. And now you have to pick up after my mess when you should be getting ready for work." I placed my left arm around his neck and realized that I hadn't even tried to move my right arm since I fell.

"Roxas, don't worry about it. It's one little cup, it's no big deal. And, I really love carrying you. It makes me feel like I can take care of you and like you're mine." He held onto me tighter, cause he's just perfect like that. "And I still have plenty of time before I have to leave for work. So don't worry ok?" He set me on his bed and kissed my forehead after pushing my bangs aside. "I'll be back with some ice and some water, ok?"

I nodded and ten minutes later, he returned.

"Here's some aspirin, water, and you need to lay on this ice for your back." He helped me sit up and placed the ice on the bed so I could lie on it.

"It's cold," I shivered.

"I know, but you need it. Promise me you'll ice it and get some rest?"

I nodded.

"I'm serious Roxas. I don't need you getting hurt. Just take a nap, and I'll be back by bedtime." He kissed me on the lips, another simple peck, and walked away.

I had never been so bored. I lied there for half an hour shivering before the icepack became warm and I threw it on the floor. I tried to sit up, but I didn't even have the strength to do that on my own. I wanted to watch TV and I could see the remote where Axel left it on his nightstand, which was on my right. It was within reach, but I couldn't get it. I couldn't move my arm. I couldn't feel my arm.

I felt like it was broken, since I had broken it before…ok my dad actually broke it, but now that I'm "moving on" whats the difference? I didn't want to tell Axel. I couldn't bring myself to burden him anymore than I already was. The phone rang, and thank god that was on my left side, also within a convenient reach.

"Hello?" I asked, half there, half nonexistent.

"Roxas? You ok?" It was Sora.

"Yeah, I fell, but I'm fine."

"You fell?"

"Slipped."

"You're such a klutz Roxy."

"Yeah I know. Lucky me."

"So, how are things with Axel?"

"It's…it's great. We had our moments, but we didn't fight, we didn't yell, we just talked and it's like he knows that I'm serious this time." I couldn't help but smile and I wished Axel was there to see it.

"Good, I'm glad. Well, I just wanted to check up on you. You sure you're ok? You sound tired."

"Yeah I'm just a little out of it. I'm fine."

"Alright, but if anything changes and you start to feel worse, call me, ok?"

"Promise." Sora and I hung up and I began to think about just how good a day it had been, minus my whole slipping scene.

I was beyond bored, wishing that I had Axel to keep me company, wishing he was here to see how I smiled when Sora asked about us. I reached into my front pocket with my good hand, thankful that I kept my phone in my front pocket, because if it were in my back pocket, I would have smashed it to bits when I fell.

I wanted Sora to call me again so I could have a reason to talk about Axel and smile. Then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that just thinking about Axel was enough to make me smile.

I lifted my cell in my left hand and took a picture of me smiling. Then, I sent it to Axel in a text that read, "I miss you,"

Then I was bored again. I couldn't fall asleep, could barely pull myself to sit up, and couldn't feel my right arm, except for a sharp throbbing pain below my elbow. I decided to just try to take a nap, against the odds, but even that was a fail. Fifteen minutes after I sent that text to Axel, I got a response.

"You're so cute baby. Miss you too."

I smiled and held the phone to my chest. I didn't know what I was feeling, but it was numbing my pain. Quickly I called Sora.

"Are you ok?" was how he greeted me.

"Yeah. I, I have this weird feeling in my stomach. My cheeks are warm, and I can feel my heart beat just lying here."

"Do you need to go to a hospital?"

"No Sora, I feel this way because I got a text from Axel. He called me cute, and baby, and said he missed me."

"Oh, so you have butterflies?"

"I …I guess. I've never felt anything this strong before."

"Do you feel heavy hearted but light headed, like you could almost float?"

"Kinda. I almost feel sleepy, but not tired."

"Like its surreal?"

"Exactly."

Sora laughed at me. "Means you have butterflies. It's a good thing."

"Oh, ok." I could feel my cheeks turning red.

"How are you feeling? Did you fall hard?"

"Yeah, a little. My arm feels a little heavy, but I'll be ok." I couldn't tell Sora how I really felt, cause he'd freak out and tell Axel.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to take a nap. Bye Sora."

"Bye Roxas, love ya."

When I hung up with Sora for the second time, I couldn't handle the boredom. I tried to reach across my body to grab the TV remote with my left hand, but that ended worse than I expected. I accidentally rolled off the bed and since I only had one functioning arm, I landed face first. Hard. I groaned loudly; wishing Axel was here more than ever. Unable to get up, I ended up falling asleep, with nothing better to do anyway.

"Hey, what happened?" Axel combed my hair after he found me face first on the floor.

"Hm?" I rolled over my left side and onto my still sore back. "I fell off."

Axel shook his head. "Alright, back to bed." He grabbed my right arm and I screamed, moving my whole body to pull away.

"What's wrong?" Axel looked scared.

"I'm fine." I crouched forward.

"Roxas, let me see your arm." Axel beckoned with his hand.

"It's nothing."

"Quit being so stubborn," Axel pinned my left hand down and saw my hurt arm. "Oh my god Roxas! It's completely broken!"

"I'm fine!"

"No, you're not. Come on, we have to get you to a hospital." Axel put his hands under my armpits and lifted me onto my feet.

"Its nothing." I tried again.

"Roxas, please, let me take care of you," Axel scooped me in his arms and set me on his bed while he called Sora to ask Riku to take us to the hospital, since his motorcycle wouldn't work well with my one arm and having to hold on.

"They're here." Axel cradled me and took me to Riku's car. He strapped us both in and with Sora in the front seat, Riku sped off.

"You told me you were ok!" Sora lashed around.

"I'm fine," I pleaded.

"Roxas, please," Axel put his arm around me, draping his hand on my left shoulder

I felt bad, so I hushed. After I got my cast and Riku drove Axel and I home, the guilt was settling in again.

"Whew, I am exhausted!" Axel let his body crash on his bed, hands folded behind his head.

"I'm sorry." I stood in the doorway to his room.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

"But, you had a long evening at work and I just made you spend hours at the hospital carrying me around." I stayed where I stood while Axel sat himself up.

"It's not your fault you fell, stop blaming yourself. You tried to do too much at once, no one is perfect Rox. I love you and I want to take care of you. But I can't do that if you wont let me." Axel said and I nodded, sitting next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"You ok? How's your arm?"

"Ok," I sighed, super tired.

"How did you not feel the pain?"

"I did, but it wasn't as bad once I read your text."

"What?" Axel laughed and I leaned away from his shoulder to show him my smile, since I was starting to feel proud of myself for being able to smile.

"Your text made me so happy, I couldn't feel my arm as badly."

Axel sighed happily, "Glad to help. But it was your text that got me through my late day shift."

"Really?"

"Mhm, it's my new background. See?" Axel showed me his phone and I saw my face and I felt so special.

"I don't know what to say," I blushed.

"You're my baby and you have an adorable smile." Axel tapped my nose with his fingertip. I blushed and leaned forward. I needed a kiss. Axel knew, he could read my like a book, and he gave me that kiss.

"Bedtime," Axel smashed his lips into my cheek.

"Kay," I weakly walked to my dresser to change into a white T-shirt and we always slept in our boxers.

"I'm going to shower. I'll be right out," Axel closed the bathroom door behind him and I got into bed.

I was already falling asleep when he walked out of the bathroom, which woke me right up. He was wearing only a white towel that barely stayed up on his hips. He couldn't see my eyes, and probably thought I was still asleep because he shed off that towel with no hesitation, leaving that pale round juicy ass to be admired. He bent over to pick up a pair of boxers and I silently sat up to get a better view. Fuck. I was hard. He pulled up those tight boxers and when he turned around, his eyes widened when they locked with mine.

I looked down at my bulging erection, then back at him. He stood frozen and I ran into the bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and stayed for several minutes fantasizing about that sweet ass, that long cock, those small red hairs that drove me wild and made me come into the toilet.

"Axel!" I tried to hold back, but it was pointless, and when I exited the bathroom, sweaty and red, Axel was sitting up in bed, watching the muted TV. I silently crawled into bed and he opened an arm to welcome me to his side.

"Feeling better?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Not my fault you gave me the world's best view to your ass."

"Not my fault you get horny so easily,"

I kept quiet. If I didn't, I'd say something I'd regret, and I couldn't ruin the best day we've ever had.

"Is it wrong for me to enjoy my boyfriends body?" I said, trying not to sound like an asshole.

"Don't worry, once we both know that we can make it, we'll have the best sweaty sex you can think of," Axel start nibbling at my ear, and that always drove me over the top.

"Axe, stop!" I pushed on his chest with my heavy cast.

"I'm sorry, you're just so delicious."

"Well this no sex plan is your idea, and if you want me to keep it, don't tempt me," I looked up into his eyes.

"You're right. Sorry," Axel rubbed the back of his neck and I yawned. "Go to bed," He messed up my already and always messy hair.

"Are you?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Nah, I'm going to watch some TV. The light wont bother you, will it?"

I shook my head. "No. Goodnight."

"Night," Axel rubbed my shoulder as I laid myself down. I kept falling in and out of sleep, but every time I opened my eyes to sneak a glance at him, I noticed how tired he looked. His eyes had dark circles underneath and he kept sighing like he wasn't as tired as he needed to be to fall asleep. He always had a hard time falling asleep, and I wondered if it was because I accidentally talk and kick in my sleep. I also steal all the blankets and force him on the edge of the bed, but I never mean to. He's just too sweet to wake me up to help himself. He always slept on the left side of the bed, so I took the right, close to the bathroom and the door, but he was always the first one up and ready before I even got the chance to open my eyes. He's does a lot more than he should have to, and I knew that if I could help him out, it'd help me show him how much I care.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I didn't post last night, so I am posting a "long" chapter…hopefully long enough lol. Warning though, I will be super busy for the next month, so I will do my best to upload daily, but no guarentee's. Anywho, hope you like where this is going and I hope that you continue to read some of my other stuff as you wait for the next chapter.<p>

As always, comments are very much appreciated.

To 18plusforme: haha, cake is awesome, and yes, I love red and green so much, they've always been my fav (besides black and grey, but my friends say they aren't 'real' colors whatever that means lmao). But yeah, I love red and green, but together its just Christmas lol.

Thanks for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	7. Enough Of You

The next week went by pretty fast, since I spent a lot of time with Sora while Axel was at work. I found a lot of simple things I used to easily do now difficult since I couldn't use my right hand to do anything. I could barely dress myself on my own because my thick cast made it difficult to take off or put on shirts. I also couldn't get my cast wet, so showering was a pain. And it's not like I could ask Axel to help with any of that because…well…that would end my attempt to remain abstinent like he wants. I spent a couple nights at Riku's with Sora since Axel had to pick up some extra shifts, and Sora gave me more tips to try to be the ideal boyfriend for Axel. It was during my second week that I had my first breakdown. Honestly, I'm just happy that I survived a week just fine, but when Axel suggested therapy, I couldn't control myself.

"I've tried it before but it doesn't work."

"But you're trying to change; I think you should give it another shot."

"I don't need another reason to hate myself." I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Roxas, there's no need to hate yourself."

"All therapy is going to do is make me feel guilty about hurting you and it's going to make me hate my dad."

"Don't you already hate him?"

I thought before I shrugged, "I try not to think about my past."

"Roxas, suppressing true emotions isn't healthy."

"Well bringing them out is only going to piss me off."

"Roxas, I think you need the help. Please, for me?"

"How the hell is this going to help you?" I retorted.

"Cause you're the one who admitted that your anger problems is what makes us fight so much!"

"Well I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you!"

"It's not about being perfect Rox, it's about trying to change to be your best!"

"I am trying, I don't know why that's not enough for you."

"When someone is willing to change, they're willing to do whatever it takes to do so."

"Well therapy is my exception."

"No exceptions Roxas!"

"Who do you think you are? My father?"

"Don't compare me to that sick disgusting pig!"

"Well you raped me too!"

Axel turned his hands into fists. "Dammit Roxas I'm just trying to help you!"

"Then stop telling me what to do!" I yelled and Axel sighed.

"Ok," He stood up from the couch and I could hear the bedroom door slamming. I felt bad. My snapping ruined what we had, and I knew I needed to fix it.

"Sorry," I stood in the doorway, watching Axel hold his head.

"Can't you see it Roxas? If we don't do everything to change now, we never will."

I nodded. "Kay."

Axel was quiet; I could tell that between work and me, he was fed up.

"I got to go to work." He stood up and left, and I felt so shitty for ruining his day.

I called Sora. I had no choice. I needed to keep Axel at any cost.

When Axel came home late that night, I was in bed, ready to fall asleep in his arms.

He showered, changed, and got in bed without a word, not even kissing me or acknowledging me.

"Axe?" I turned to see his back towards me as he tried to drift off to sleep.

"M?" he didn't move.

"Can you hold me?" I inched closer to him.

"I'm not in the mood," He sighed. I felt like I ran into a wall.

"Can I hold you?" I figured as long as I could feel him, it'd be enough.

"Do whatever you want."

I was so hurt and felt so rejected, but I wrapped my good arm around his waist and positioned my body to form right against him.

"I love you," I said into his shoulder.

He exhaled loudly through his nose, rolled over, and put his arms around me. "I love you too. I just, I just want to help you, and it'd help ME if you tried listening without getting so defensive and jumping to conclusions."

"I'm sorry."

"Just, try and think about it and at least consider therapy? Please?" Axel sounded so drained.

"Thursday."

"What about it?"

"My first therapy session is on Thursday."

"You...you signed up?"

"Yeah, right after you left. I have it twice a week, starting Thursday. I scheduled them for when you have work and it's close enough so I can walk, which can give me some alone time to calm down if I need it." I finished and Axel went silent for a while.

"I'm really proud of you Roxas. Really proud."

"Thanks," I didn't know what else to say.

"Let's get some sleep," Axel rubbed my back as I fell asleep in his grasp.

A few weeks later, my cast was off, therapy was going better than I expected, and day by day, Axel seemed to be getting happier because we hardly ever fought, and never as badly as we used to.

"Good morning," he came up behind me as I was washing dishes and held me. I leaned my head back against his chest, so completely satisfied. "Good morning." I smiled.

"How are you feeling?" He asked and I shrugged.

"Yesterday's session was rough but I feel better that I got it off my chest."

"Good. What smells so delicious?" Axel sniffed by my neck, tickling me and making me giggle.

"That's the pie," I wriggled as he held onto my hips.

"Oooh, you're making pie?"

"Yea, for the party today."

"Oh good, Demyx and Xigbar should be here soon. Sora and Riku are coming, right?"

"Yeah, Sora said they already left Riku's."

"Ok. Damn that smells yummy, just like my Roxy." Axel constricted me with his arms and I laughed as I failed to break free.

He spun us around, pinned me against the fridge, and pinned my shoulders. He smashed his soft warm lips roughly against mine. He slid one leg between mine, pressing forward with his hips. As he pressed with his hips, he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I moaned into the kiss, thrusting my hips, slightly up into his, till he pushed us apart.

"Fuck me," I whispered.

"What?" He caught his breath.

"Fuck me Axel. Please? Fuck me good and hard," I begged, putting my hand on his chest but he shoved it aside.

"No sex, remember?"

I got angry. "Then why the fuck did you make out with me like that?"

"I wanted to reward you for going so long and doing so well."

"All you did was tease me!"

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to encourage you."

"By making me hard and then refusing me?" I smudged my lips free of his taste.

"I said I'm sorry. Next time I just wont kiss you then." He crossed his arms.

"Why cant we just make love? I've gone so long without sex and I've done my very best to be as good as I can," A month without sex or cheating on Axel was a personal record. A month without making out or groping was also a record. I didn't know what more he could ask of me.

"I know you are, and you're doing great."

"Then how much longer do I have to wait for you to trust me?"

"It's not a matter of time, but proof."

"What does that even mean?" I was getting impatient.

"I don't know when the time will be right, but when it is, I'll know."

"I'm tired of waiting Axe!" I whined.

"You're doing great, don't give up."

"Axe, I'm already so hard it hurts, please!" I put my arms around his neck, started nipping at his collarbone, even started swaying my hips into him, tapping my boner into his growing one.

"Roxas," He moaned, trying to push me away despite the pleasure I was clearly giving him.

I put one hand over a hard nipple, and one over the base of his stomach. "Rox, stop!" He pushed me and I fell back against the fridge, my head throbbing a little.

"No more Roxas. No more," He walked away to the backyard and I went to the bathroom to get Tylenol and to get rid of my erection all alone. When I finished and went outside, everyone was already there. I knew I had to work hard to win over Demyx and fucking Xigbar, but if it would prove to Axel that I had changed, I'd do it. I said hi to everyone and then went back in to get some water, when Axel came up behind me.

"I'm sorry I pushed you." He held me and I remained still. I was angry. I wanted to yell. Wanted to cry and hit him for being so cruel to me as to turn me on and reject me. The old me would have thrown a fit and ran off. But now, I needed to make this work.

"I'm sorry I pressured you." I said, putting my arms around him, but not firmly.

"I love you Roxas. I just want to believe that you aren't addicted to sex."

"I know." I said, breaking the hug to go back outside with Sora and to leave Axel alone.

"Long time no see," Demyx waved and I nodded with a smile.

"Axel said you've changed; you already look less like a bitch." Xigbar said and I could see Sora boiling up.

"Um, thanks," I rubbed the back of my neck nervously, trying with all that's inside me to not explode.

"He's absolutely amazing. He's come a long way and I'm really proud of him." Axel held me from behind and I smiled up at him, unable to be mad at him when he says he's proud of me.

"You two seem really and sincerely happy. Good for you." Demyx flashed an adorable smile of his and Axel squeezed me.

"I love you." I looked up to tell him.

"I love you too," he kissed my temple and Demyx let out an "aww how cute!"

"They're so happy together now, you can see a complete turn around." Riku said as he pulled Sora in his lap.

"Thanks guys." I sat on the armrest of the chair that Axel was in as we all sat in the backyard, talking and hanging out for a while when my timer for my Lemon Meringue pie went off.

"Woops, excuse me," I got up and went into the kitchen. I was about to plate the pie when I noticed that Demyx was there too.

"Oh, hey," I said, he totally caught me off guard.

"Look Roxas, I'm really happy for you and Axel, but if this all turns out to be a lie, I'll never let you near him again. Got it?" His deep blue eyes intimidated me as I nodded.

"I'm glad that Axel has a friend like you to care about him." I said, trying not to piss him off.

"Thanks. Again, I want to believe this is all real and will last, but for your sake, it better." He turned around and went outside when Sora came in.

"Need help?"

"No, I'm fine," I don't know why Demyx's threat bothered me as much as it did, but I was a little shaky.

"Ok," Sora shrugged and I carried the desert outside.

"Wow, that looks good." Riku rubbed his hands together.

"Good job baby," Axel stood behind me and put his hands on my hips.

"Thank you." I cut through the pie and served everyone.

"This is amazing," Demyx smiled and I smiled back nervously.

"It's really good." Xigbar nodded.

"Better than mine," Sora said with his mouth full.

"It's perfect babe," Axel scooped some up on a fork and extended it to my mouth. I let him feed me, before I fed him mine, and when we finished, we noticed that everyone was staring at us.

"This is like, too good to be true." Xigbar announced.

"Like a miracle," Demyx agreed.

"People can change for those they love." Riku stood up for me.

"And do I love you," I looked at Axel, who cupped my face, kissed my lips softly, gently kissed my nose, and brought our foreheads close enough to touch.

"Oh My God! Why don't you do cute stuff like that with me?" Demyx complained to Xigbar.

"Yeah!" Sora chimed in and Riku shook his head.

"Never did I think I'd ever try to role model my relationship after Roxas' and Axel's."

I couldn't help but laugh. He had a point.

"We're just amazing like that." Axel smiled and I did too. After about another hour, the party began to die down.

"I really am happy for you two." Demyx said as he and Xigbar went out the door. As he got in the car, the blonde faced me and winked, and I gulped, remembering his threat.

I hugged my twin and Riku goodbye and once Axel and I were all alone, I started to pick up the mess.

"Let me do it." Axel stopped me from cleaning.

"I got it," I continued, but he put his hands firmly on my shoulders.

"Roxas, let me do it."

"Why?" I couldn't help but wonder why he pressed the matter so much.

"Because you were amazing today and handled everything so wonderfully, you deserve to rest."

"I don't mind cleaning. It makes me feel like I have a purpose here."

"What do you mean?" Axel tilted his head to the side.

"You work and I don't do anything. I like cleaning because it makes me feel like I can help you."

"You are helping me. The Roxas you've been for the past month is wonderful, and you deserve to know how much I appreciate that." Axel put his hands on the small curve at the bottom of my back.

"All I need is to see you smile, and I know it's worth the work." It sounded so cheesy, but it was true.

Axel chuckled with a smile. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Axe."

He exhaled, trying to relax. "Tell me this is real, Rox. Promise me that this will last."

I nodded. "It's real Axe, I promise. We can make this last." I hugged him and he let his chin fall on my blonde spikey hair.

"Do we have any Lemon Merengue pie left?"

"Yes, want me to get you some?"

"No I can get it. Can you do me a favor though?" He breathed heavily on my ear.

"Anything." I said, shaking.

"Wait for me; in bed." He said with a husky voice, as if he were trying to seduce me. Trying, and succeeding.

"In bed? It's only 8 pm; what do you mean?" I stood unsure of what he meant.

"Use your imagination." Axel slid his palms under my pants, under my boxers, and down my ass, squeezing extremely hard, jolting my hold body in his touch.

I twitched mercilessly. "Please don't tease," I wanted to cry.

"It's not a tease." Axel removed his hands, freeing them in order to remove my shirt. He licked my nipple, and I shook with pleasure that I'd been having with-drawl's of.

"Go wait for me, in bed," he unbuckled my pants, turned me around to face the direction of the bedroom, and gave me a spanking.

I obeyed without hesitation, entering the bedroom, stripping completely, picking out a pair of his boxer briefs, and putting them on. He always found it sexy when I would wear his underwear, and I liked knowing where it had been. I laid on the bed, on my side, one leg bent up, the other stretched out. Then, he walked in. He was naked, but covered in Lemon Meringue from his nipples to his cock. Fuck was I hard. He posed against the door after he shut it behind himself, leaning on one leg, hands on hips.

"Like what you see?" Axel teased me by rubbing his hands down his pecs and abs, covered in yellow pie goo that smelled irresistible.

"Yeah," I moaned, mouth hung open, tongue subconsciously hanging out.

"Want to taste it?" he ran his tongue over his palms and I sat up, spreading my legs out wide to show him my erection.

"Yeah," I moaned again, clawing the bedding as I tried to pace myself.

Axel grinned, threw his body off of the door, and strode up to me confidently.

"And you love me?"

I nodded.

"You wont ever cheat on me again?"

"Never again," I pleaded, wanting to taste Lemon-flavored axel.

"How far are you willing to go to prove it?" Axel bent over the bed. His hands planted on the bed right by my hips, his eyes leveled with mine, his cock hard and dangling so dangerously close to mine.

"What?" I felt like my mind had already been taken over by excitement.

"How much do you love me Roxas? How far are you willing to go to prove that you aren't addicted to sex?" I finally heard Axel's words for what they were, and I wanted to cry. I knew the answer he was looking for. I knew what he was trying to prove. He wanted me to resist him. To show that I wasn't a sex addict. To show that I could control my body.

"You said this wasn't a tease!" I pounded my fists on the bed.

"It's not. I'll fuck you if you want, but I want you to think about how much you want this to work, and how hard you're willing to work to make us work."

I snarled, angry, frustrated, horny, impatient, trying with all that I am to not yell, hit, cry, cuss, and go wild.

"You, you want me to say no." I said, hanging my head down, closing my eyes, unable to look at his gorgeous body, knowing I had to refuse it.

"I want you to say what you want." Axel didn't move a muscle.

"I want, I want," I wanted to cry. Fuck. "I want to have sex with you. I'm so hard and I've gone so long without any kind of pleasure."

I could hear Axel breathing like he was disappointed, heavy and unsure.

"But, I want us to last more than I want to be fucked," I said, looking up, crying.

Axel's eyes lit up and I kept sniffling. "You really mean that?" Axel kept his gaze in my eyes.

I nodded. "Yeah." I started crying, not just because I had just turned down sex, but because I felt so stupid for being so horny and for being so desperate.

"I'm so proud of you Rox," Axel put his hand on my cheek but I brushed it off. I didn't want to talk to him and I couldn't look at him without wishing he'd shut up and fuck me, so I ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I cried as I pumped myself, sobbing as I tried to come into the toilet, screaming in emotional pain as I did.

"Roxas, Roxas, open the door." Axel pounded, but I just kept crying as I sat on the cold tile floor.

"I cant," I sobbed.

"Why not?"

"Cause," I rubbed my eyes.

"Cause why Roxas?"

"Cause I cant look at you naked without getting hard. Please Axe, this is so hard for me. Please," I begged, not knowing what I was begging for; maybe for some slack, some break from all the temptation.

"Roxas, I want to make love to you. Please, open the door."

"What?" I asked.

"I told you I wasn't teasing. I want to make love to you, but I cant if you don't open the door."

I threw open the door and started shaking as I cried. "Why did you ask me those fucking questions then?"

"I wanted to know that you really love me Roxas. More than you love sex. More than the adrenaline rushes you look for in such unhealthy ways. More than cheating on me." Axel put his hand back on my face, and I put my hand over his.

"I do love you Axe. If I didn't I wouldn't be trying so hard to make you happy." I wanted to press my body against his, but after all that was done and said today, I couldn't afford to get excited to end up coming in the fucking toilet again.

"You do make me happy. But cheating on me, as much as you did, as often as you did, as carelessly as you did, that hurts Roxas. That leaves scars that may never fully heal." Axel pressed his forehead against mine and I sniffled.

"I'm sorry Axe. I'm really sorry." I griped his neck tightly with my arms, thankful that he was bending over a bit so I didn't have to go on my tip-toes.

"I know you are. But being sorry doesn't necessarily heal those wounds." Axel squished our bodies together, and I could feel the Lemon Meringue mixing between our skins.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"My heart is so broken over what you did to me, I keep trying to tell myself that I've moved on, but honestly, I don't know if I can." Axel broke the hug and stepped back, hand on head.

"Please Axe, I'm begging you." I reached out my hand for his, but he shook his head.

"This just doesn't feel right anymore." Axel stepped back several more times, not even looking at me.

"Axel, Axel please!" I took a shaky step towards him but he turned his back to me.

"I'm sorry Roxas. I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep lying to myself, telling myself that I'm happy, when deep down inside, my heart is just too broken." He stood with his back towards me, turning his neck slightly.

"No, no Axe please." I shook my head, weeping uncontrollably.

"Maybe we just aren't meant to be?" Axel looked down at the ground.

"No! Axel don't say that! We worked so hard to make it here, we can keep working. Please Axe, give me another chance!"

"I've given you plenty of chances Roxas! I've given you so many "second chances" that I lost count. I don't even know how many times you cheated on me, or with how many guys! I can't keep risking my heart like this. I'm sick of it!"

"I can change! I've already changed! Please, I'll keep working, I'll do anything!" I sobbed, my eyes so full of tears all I could see was his white skin and red hair.

"It's too late Roxas. You should have changed a long ass time ago." Axel brushed past me so he could be alone in the bathroom.

"No! Axel! Axel!" I screamed, my voice cracking as I screeched his name, my fists pounding on the locked door as I heard the shower running. I collapsed against the door, crying with all the anger, frustration, sorrow, and regret I'd ever had.

When Axel finally opened the door, all that was left were the silent tears as I looked up from the floor.

"You can have the bed tonight. I'll call Sora tomorrow, and he can come get you and your things." Axel stepped over my body in his boxers and a T-shirt as I crawled after him, still naked.

"Please Axel! I swear, I'll change. I'll do anything. I'm begging you!" I held onto his leg, on all fours, never so desperate in my life.

"I've had enough of this Roxas."

"Don't say that. Please, don't say that."

"I've…" Axel sighed heavily, as if he were debating his next words. "I've had enough of you." He shook me off his leg and shut the bedroom door after he left. I curled up on the floor, and cried the entire night.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: SO this chapter, as you probably noticed, is a lot longer than most of my chapters, and its because I will not be able to post tomorrow since I will be at Disneyland all day! So yea, sorry that I cant post tomorrow, hopefully this long chapter suffices, and remember, I have plenty else for you to read in the meantime ^_^<p>

About this chapter, man, talk about drama and tension! If you've read any of my stories, or hopefully at least a few of them, then you know that i LOVE drama and intense situations. So yeah, there is a lot more coming up ahead in this story, so PLEASE track it and me so you can get your fix of Akuroku yaoi!

Thank you for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	8. Who I Was Meant To Be

"I've had enough of this Roxas."

"Don't say that. Please, don't say that."

"I've…" Axel sighed heavily, as if he were debating his next words. "I've had enough of you." He shook me off his leg and shut the bedroom door after he left. I curled up on the floor, and cried the entire night.

I must have gotten two hours of sleep at best through my tears, and I woke up from the noise of Axel changing and getting ready for the day. I sat up, my eyes beyond sore, my heart so heavy it hurt. I felt like I lost my voice; like I had nothing to say, even if I could.

"Sora and Riku will be here in a few hours." Axel said when he noticed I was awake.

I wanted to scream, wanted to start crying all over again, wanted to refuse that option.

"Kay." Was all I said.

"Need help packing?" He didn't turn to look at me.

"No thank you." I don't know how I was being so polite, but I think that being thrown over the edge like I had the night before drove me to a whole new state of being.

"You sure?" I could tell my behavior was surprising Axel.

"Yes." I said quietly.

"Ok. Well, I'll be in the living room." He left and I stood up to shower and wash off the remnants of the desert I had made the day before.

When I finished showering, I changed, took out all of my clothes from Axel's closet and dresser, and piled them up. I went to the kitchen to get some bags to put all my shit in when I found Axel eating at the table.

"You ok?" He asked. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror and I looked like shit. My eyes were so swollen, as were my lips from all the tears. My cheeks were stained red from all the anger and swelling of emotions, and my hair was beyond a mess.

"Yeah," I said so quietly, I didn't even care if he heard me or not.

"Roxas, look, I don't want,"

"Please, stop." I quietly cut him off. I didn't want to hear it. Whatever it is he had to say, he could shove it up his ass. As of last night, I stopped caring.

"Would you just listen?" Axel stood up from the table, but I just turned around and headed for the bedroom, bags in hand. I could hear him chasing after me.

"Roxas," He grabbed my shoulder and forced me to turn around. I didn't look at him. I stared at my shoes, waiting for him to finish already so I could go back to packing.

"Look at me dammit!" He was getting angry that I wasn't angry, and I almost smiled, knowing that I wasn't the one to blame here. If he wanted to break up with me when he first did and never get back together, I couldn't blame him. But now, now that I had worked so hard to try to change, now it made no sense.

I looked up, giving him what he asked for.

"I, I don't want you to hate me." He said, as if he didn't expect to get what he wanted.

"I don't hate you." I said. I was being honest. In the end, it was my fault for breaking his heart over and over again.

"I do love you Roxas. Maybe, maybe I just need some time on my own before we can try again?" He sounded like he was just trying to be optimistic because he's just perfect that way.

"Just make up your mind." I said, turning around to finish packing. He didn't follow me and I got a lot done before he popped in the room again.

"I wanted us to work Roxas. I wanted to believe you each and every time you promised you wouldn't cheat on me again."

"I'm sorry I ruined the chances of that ever happening." I said, not looking at him, still packing.

"Just give me some time, ok?" Axel stooped down next to me and I nodded.

"Ok."

"You're, you're not mad at me, are you?"

"It's what I deserve Axel." I still had yet to look at him.

"Don't talk like that."

"Why else would you be kicking me out?" I finally looked him in the eye and he froze.

"I just need time,"

"Don't try to blame yourself. I never took our relationship seriously. Not until it was too late." I stood up. "Text me when Sora's here. I'm going for a walk." I didn't give him a chance to respond as I shot for the door.

I spent two hours, wandering around, thinking about everything, and about nothing. When I got tired of thinking, I started to head back to Axel's, wondering what would happen next in my life, and in his.

"Hey," Axel said when I walked inside; he was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Hey," I said, sitting down as well, but not near him.

"You were gone for a while," Axel looked at me.

"Yeah," I put my hands to my chin, resting my elbows on my knees, pretending to be entertained by the TV.

"It, it got really quiet, and lonely."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, so tired of this emotional roller coaster, I just wanted off.

"I…I missed you," Axel scooted towards me.

"I missed you too Axe," I wanted to give in, wanted to kiss him, wanted to have another chance.

He leaned in close, he wanted the same things I did, I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his breath, feel it in his pounding heartbeat. I moved to close in the gap, but the sound of the doorbell ruined everything, and when I turned around in surprise of its ring, Axel straightened up to answer it.

"Come in," He welcomed Sora and Riku. Sora helped me move all my shit to Riku's car while Axel talked to Riku.

"Thanks," Axel said to Riku as Sora and I went back for our last trip. I stood there, awkwardly, facing Axel, wondering what I could possibly say at a time like that.

"Thanks, for trying," I said. It sounded harsh, and I didn't mean it to, but it was all I could think of saying.

"No, thank you for trying." Axel said and I nodded. I turned around with Sora and I could hear Riku telling Axel to keep in touch. As I got in the backseat, I couldn't help but stare at Axel's house. I saw him in a window, staring back, crying.

We were all silent on the car ride from Axel's house to Riku's, and even as we entered inside his apartment, all the way through dinner.

"Thank you," I said to him and Sora before I offered to clean up the kitchen.

"Anytime," Riku said and I hugged Sora goodnight as the couple went into their room. Even though Riku offered me his spare room, I ended up falling asleep on the couch. Since I couldn't fall asleep in Axel's arms, I had to at least fall asleep to the same boring news channel he always fell asleep to. I clutched the pillow Riku gave me like it was Axel; holding onto it as if letting go, would mean losing him, and even though I had already lost him, the idea of losing 'pillow Axel' seemed unbearable. I silently cried into the pillow, holding it with all that I had, promising that I wouldn't let go of the only thing I had left. And what's worse? The pillow had a red pillow-case. I tugged at it, clawed at it, punched it, nearly came close to kissing it, just wishing I had my red love back.

I woke up to the sight of Sora kissing Riku goodbye as Riku left for work, and I rolled over, not able to stand the sight of a love I never had, even though I tried so hard to get it.

"You didn't want to sleep in the bed?" Sora asked, sitting on the coffee table to massage my shoulder as I lay on my side, back towards him.

"I need to fall asleep to TV." I said simply.

"Oh. Well, are you hungry?" Sora stood up and went into the kitchen. Thus began the next three weeks of my life. Every night I fell asleep with that fucking red pillow, every morning I woke up to witness the most true and beautiful love there is, and every day I ran errands with Sora while Riku was at work.

By the third week, I had grown tired of the mundane routine.

"I'm going to miss dinner, but I'll be back by eight." I told Sora, taking charge of my life for the first time in so long.

"Where are you going?" Sora asked, since the only places I ever went were to the market or stores with him, and therapy, because even though I had nothing left to prove to Axel, I needed to prove to myself that I could change. It wasn't until I realized that I deserved a second chance that I was willing to carry on with my new self. That first night here with Sora, I debated going back to my old ways, going back to the night clubs, back to the bars, back to the sweat and cum filled beds and back to the slut I always had been. But I couldn't do that to Sora, who is the only one who never got tired of giving me second chances. And I couldn't do that to Riku, who's allowing me to take up his extra room. And…I couldn't do that to myself. That month and a half I spent changing for Axel was the best month and a half of my life; Sora loved the new me, Riku wasn't nearly as intimidating, and Axel smiled more than I'd ever seen him smile. Maybe, I deserved it more than all of them? For that, I deserved to continue to change into who I was meant to be.

"I'm going to a job interview. I don't feel comfortable mooching off of you and Riku, so I'm going to try to get a job." I opened the door. "Wish me luck," I waved and Sora did just that.

It was a local family restaurant looking for a friendly seating hostess. I may not have been the most friendly of people, but I was Sora's twin, so when I smiled, I could get nearly anything I wanted. The only downside to that, was that I hardly smiled, not till Axel made me prove I loved him. But all that aside, I did my very best to be who I wanted to be, to be who I knew I could be. I nailed the interview, and not even two full days later, I got the job.

"Congrats!" Sora hugged me tightly, borderline strangling me.

"Sora, let him breathe!" Riku broke us up and I thanked both of them.

"Good job Roxas, we're proud of you." Riku patted my back.

"Let's celebrate!" Sora exclaimed, running to grab his sweater as we loaded up in the car to go out to eat.

"Your choice," Riku said and I shrugged.

"Anywhere, I really don't care."

"Roxas!" Sora whined, clearly not content with my answer.

"You pick for me Sora, you're my twin, so you should know what I'm craving."

Sora put a finger to his bottom lip. "Hmm, Thai food!"

I shrugged with a smile, "Sounds good."

"To a Thai restaurant!" Sora pointed to the sky as Riku started the car.

"Alright." Riku smiled and teased Sora's hair with his fingers.

We got to the restaurant, got our seats, and ordered our food as we discussed upcoming plans, Riku's days off, and Sora's never ending errand list. After a few bites of my super spicy food, I downed two glasses of water, and with watering eyes, excused myself to the bathroom.

The food was spicier than any I had ever eaten, and I was unintentionally crying, my mouth not as numb now that it was slowly fading, but my eyes looked really irritated.

"You ok?" It sounded like Axel's voice, but when I perked my head up from the sink I had been washing my mouth in, I saw a different red head.

"Yeah," I said slowly, surprised at how much this guy looked and talked like Axel.

"Too spicy?" He laughed and I nodded. "Well, I thought you were crying; just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Thanks," I smiled and he nodded. I couldn't take my eyes off him. His hair was just as lively a red as Axel's, and although his eyes weren't as vibrant a green, they were close. His skin was pale, and his body just as lean and tall.

"You sure you're ok?" He asked after I had been staring at him for longer than I intended to.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, sorry." I blushed.

"What are you thinking?" The redhead leaned against the next sink closest to mine and I shrugged.

"You look, like someone I know," I didn't know what else to say.

"You look like someone I've heard about," He sounded so much like Axel, I wondered if I closed my eyes, who I would see.

"Really?" I asked, not sure what he meant by that.

"Yeah. Let me guess, you think I look like Axel. Axel Lea?"

"Yeah! How did you know?" I was surprised, excited, and confused all at once.

"He's my baby brother. We didn't talk much growing up, since I'm five years older, but we hung out just the other day."

"You did?"

"Yep. And since you thought I was Axel, that must make you Roxas, his blonde adorable little ex."

"Yeah," I hung my head low, all my enthusiasm gone with that painful reminder.

"Reno," the redhead stuck his hand out and I shook it. I was quiet. I didn't know what to say now that all my hope was gone.

"He misses you, you know?" Reno said and that small sliver of hope returned.

"He does?"

"Mhm. He called me cause he was feeling really down, and so I took him out to lunch. All he talked about was you."

I stayed silent; that could have been good or bad.

"Said he'd rather let you go than lose you." Reno shrugged and I nodded. Axel would rather dump me than risk me cheating on him again and breaking his heart all over again; made sense.

"I'd rather try than give up." I said, my tongue starting to feel existent again.

"Don't give up. He still cares for you, I can tell. Anyway, I better get going before my boyfriend, Rude, gets suspicious as to why I've been pissing for so long. Nice meeting you Roxas. And by the way," He leaned in close and I started to panic. "Don't break my baby brothers heart again, or you'll answer to me. Got it memorized?" he pointed to his temple and I nodded faster than I ever had before. He chuckled and smiled. "Good. Glad thats settled. Hope to see you 'round." He left and I sighed, wondering what twist of fate could have brought me to meet Axel's brother.

I remember Axel saying he had an older brother, but he never went into detail or anything.

When I finally went back to the table, Sora and Riku were almost done eating.

"What took you so long?" Sora asked, noodles slurping into his mouth.

"I ran into someone. But now I know, don't eat the red ones," I forked the red peppers and separated them from the rest of my food as we finished.

"Sora says you'd rather sleep out here?" Riku asked me when we made it back to his apartment that night and I nodded; I'd been sleeping on the couch for three weeks, not that I was complaining, but I guess Riku is more of an 'up-front' kind of guy, rather than one who just makes assumptions.

"Here are some extra blankets," He handed me a stack of folded blankets and I thanked him. "Don't mention it."

"Hey Riku?" I asked, knowing that Sora was in the shower and hoping to get advice from his silver haired boyfriend.

"What is it?" Riku was always so serious.

"What makes it so easy for you to be so good to Sora?" I wanted tips for myself, in case I ever got lucky enough to have another shot with Axel.

Riku shrugged, "I just treat him the way I want him to treat me. I know his strengths, I know his weaknesses, and I know what he wants. He loves being encouraged, loves being told that he did something right, and loves being reminded that he's important to me. It's easy for me to tell him all of those things, because they're true, and when I see his reaction to them, it makes me feel like I'm the one benefiting, not him."

I nodded. "Thanks, for the advice, and for being so good to him. I appreciate knowing that he's in good hands." I smiled and Riku smiled too.

"You really have changed Roxas. I can see it; I can tell it's real. Don't worry, soon enough, Axel will realize it too." Riku turned around but I couldn't resist.

"Thank you." I said, my face in his back as I ambushed him for a hug. I had NO intentions of taking him from Sora, but I needed a hug, a real one, not one with a pillow. I could tell my action startled him, because he was silent at first, before he turned around and put his arms casually around me.

"Hey, it's going to be alright, ok?" Riku ran his hand up and down my back and I sniffled into his chest. He wasn't as tall as Axel, but he had just as much, if not more, brute strength.

"kay," I tried to believe him; I wanted so desperately to believe him, but I could feel my faith wavering.

"Roxas, it will all work out the way it's supposed to. Don't worry." Riku messed with my hair and when I looked up at him, he was smiling. Riku's smile was as rare as mine used to be, so I smiled back. "This new you, it's who Axel really deserves. And I know that Sora and I are more than proud of you for going to therapy and working through all this. It won't go unrewarded." Riku patted my shoulder and went inside his bedroom as I slowly dragged my body back to the couch for another night with my pillow version of Axel.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So I'm back from Disneyland but I'm finding it really hard to keep up with my daily posts. Now that I'm on break for college and am spending the month with my family, I hardly have any time to write, since they have NO idea that I'm a yaoi writer, and if they did…..i'd be dead. So I have to wait till really late at night before I can even post, which makes writing nearly impossible. Thankfully I already finished this story a while ago, but it's hard for me to work on new fanfics. Anyway, my point in sharing this is just a warning that I may not be able to post as often or as much as I usually do until January, and I apologize in advance.<p>

To Revolutionary Venom: Yes, it is a bit drastic but I do consider myself a writer of very dramatic stories and sometimes I get out of hand with my own plots, but hopefully they work . Thank you for taking the time to comment! I really appreciate it =)

To Shadowridge: Hahaha thanks! I like epic! Lol. YES! You should update more! I would totally read your stories, but since you don't appear to be logged in when you comment, I cant "stalk" you (aka, view your page =P). hahaha, awesome song btw!

To Hayakatsu: I just want to start out by saying thank you for reviewing! I love getting reviews, it totally makes my day. Anyway, Yes, I agree, Axel's actions don't seem to be making sense. He's saying one thing, doing another, and seems to be confused by his own thoughts. I think its funny how you wrote that Axel should have never taken Roxas back if he was only going to lead him on and then dump him, because when I wrote this chapter a long time ago, I wrote that as part of Roxas' thoughts. It was like you read my mind O.o lmao. But yea I feel bad for Roxas….even though I wrote it . About Demyx, that scene was pretty random, I wrote it in my head while I was on a run and for some reason I just kept it. Plus, I think Demyx would be the friend that, for Axel, he really would care that much. I hate how a lot of people portray him as dumb and clueless. If anything, he's just cute and innocent and a bit unaware, but he's still caring and smart and expressive. But I so agree, Roxas, the changed and trying to still change Roxas deserves support. Thanks for the thumbs up! Just so you know, I try to post at least once a day, sometimes once for every 2 days if I'm busy! I have plenty of Akuroku, Soriku, and cleon stories to keep you busy while you wait, if you're bored ^_^

To the anon who posted at the end of chapter 1 but seems caught up with all the posted chapters: Hope that intro helps you to know who you are, just cause it helps me try to get to know the anons who comment lol. Anywho, I completely agree that Axel needs the therapy because he just seems to be so insecure about whats going on with that 'relationship' that is over. Thanks, I did have fun at Disneyland, but someone I didn't know puked on me from motion sickness and it was gross and my family forced me to stay for hours after with puke on my shoes/leg….gross -_-. Also I try to post daily, but sometimes I get way too busy/tired and cant post for a day or two, but I do try. Thanks for commenting!

To Tomo7: One, thank you for commenting! Two, I so sorry I made you pissed! =O I admit that this is my most dramatic story so far, but I don't know, sometimes I read it to edit and I look back wondering what the hell I was going through to make me write such things. I'm glad you're hooked, but I hope you like it! I do update as often as I can, and I try to post daily, but if I'm busy I might skip a day, or two at most. Feel free to read some of my other stuff while you wait. Thanks again for commenting, and I'd love to hear feedback of any kind =)

To mellow-panda7: AWWW YAY! I'm glad that you love it ^_^ I super duper uberly appreciate that you commented, it really does mean a lot to get feedback of any kind and I'm glad you did, so thank you. I will most definitely keep writing and I hope you keep reading this story and others that I wrote if you get the time/chance! I shall post as often as I can ^_^ Thanks again!

To Salvi: Hmm, sorry if I sound like a creeper, but I haven't heard from you in a while lol, whats up? Lmao, ok back to normal me…(sorry I've been sleep deprived for 3 days now, I get crazy when I lose sleep). Anyway, Yeah, it does feel a bit random, but I guess it was one of those things where Axel wanted to believe something he didn't, and he could only lie to himself for so long. I try to explain it a little better later on, so hopefully it does make more sense. Basically it's a switch of Roles, where it starts with Roxas being insecure and unstable, but then Axel is now the insecure and unsure one and Roxas is the one trying to get his life together to keep this one-sided relationship.

Thank you everyone for reading, and especially those who are reviewing! It means so much to get reviews and I love writing back, so if you do comment, expect a response (if you're writing comments while I'm still posting new chapters lol).

Heart, Sarabellum


	9. A big Bowl of I Miss You

Working at the Italian restaurant proved to be a good outlet for me and a good place to practice being more social and friendly, without flirting or trying to get in someone's pants.

After a couple weeks of working there, I became really good friends with some co-workers, Hayner, Pence, and Olette. We'd all work together, then hang out at Hayner's to play video games, watch a movie, or just talk. Pretty soon, Sora began to notice my transformation.

"Going out after work?" he asked one day.

"Yeah, we're going to watch some scary movie that Pence has been bragging about."

"You seem so much happier now. Maybe, maybe a break from Axel was what you needed." Sora's words stunned me.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you were always so dependent on him. But look at you now; now you're making new friends, you have a job, you're surviving all on your own. I'm proud of you Rox." Sora patted my head and I shrugged.

"I admit I like my life a lot more now than how it used to be, but I still miss him."

"It's natural." Sora didn't know what else to say; I could read it in his eyes.

"Well, I'll be back later tonight. Love ya Sora!"

"Love you too Roxas."

"Hey Roxas, you ready for movie night after this shift?" Hayner asked as he and I dressed into our uniforms in the employee locker room. We had to wear nice white button up shirts with black slacks and those half aprons that wrap around our waists.

"Yep, can't wait." I high fived him and went to go man my booth at the main entrance.

"Well well well, if it isn't blondie boy?" I heard as my back was towards the door. I turned around after hearing that distinct familiar voice.

"Reno? What's up?" He gave me a half hug and I didn't realize that seeing Axel's brother would make me so happy.

"Just out for some lunch. I didn't know you worked here."

"I've only been here for a few weeks. Anyway, is it just you?" I grabbed a menu, ready to take him to a table.

"And one more," Reno turned around as if to expect his guest to be there. "Where'd he?" He kept looking around and I grabbed an extra menu from inside a shelf of my podium. When I stood up, I saw two redheads.

"Roxas?" Axel asked, like he was afraid to say my name out loud.

"Axe?" I did the same, wishing so badly to just disappear.

"Well isn't this a nice reunion?" Reno put one hand on Axel's shoulder and one on mine.

"Give it a rest Reno," Axel rolled his eyes and Reno chuckled.

"Right this way please," I blushed and rushed off to a nearby table, placing down the menus, trying not to think about how red I was turning.

"Thanks," Reno slid into the booth.

"Someone will be right with you soon," I dashed back to the safety of my podium, seating a few more people as I fought hard not to turn around to the table where Axel was sitting at.

"Hey Roxas, can you cover for Olette? She's backed up and hasn't taken any orders from tables eight through thirteen." Pence asked me and I nodded, walking away from my sanctuary and towards the kitchen.

"Rox, we need tables eight and nine," Hayner called and I looked down at my chart. Shit. I put Axel and Reno at table number eight. Fuck my life.

"Um," I hesitated.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it!" Olette patted my shoulder, running around through the bustle of a full restaurant and I knew I couldn't deny her a break.

"It's no problem. I got it taken care of." I marched up to Axel's table, notepad and pen in hand, ready to take their order.

"So, what will it be?" I tried to flash a dashing smile, but my nerves showed through.

"I'd like to try the soup of the day, and I'm sure Axel here would love a big bowl of 'I miss you'." Reno smirked and Axel reached across the table to smack him with his menu.

"I'll take the lasagna." Axel handed me his menu and I nodded, walking to table nine to get their order.

When the time came to take the food to tables eight and nine, I got nervous. I had never carried one of those huge trays full of plates, and I usually wasn't expected to, but I had to help Olette. I mounted it on my right shoulder, trying to balance it out as I weaved between chairs and people. I served table nine, since they had a bunch of people at their table and I wanted to empty that tray as soon as I could. Then, with just two servings left to go, I walked to Axel and Reno.

"Soup of the day, and lasagna." I set their plates before them and Reno thanked me.

"Anything else I can get you?" I asked both of them.

"A kiss?" I heard Reno snicker quietly and Axel turned red, getting up and walking away.

"Don't worry, he'll be back soon." Reno dug into his soup and I tried to look like I didn't care.

"Hey, I'm going to take five." I told Hayner after I returned my tray to the kitchen and then made my way to the bathroom.

I stood in front of the mirror, not aware of how red I was. I splashed some cold water on my face, trying to wake myself up of the dream I seemed to be stuck in. When I reached for a paper towel, my hand ran into someone else.

"Oh, sorry," I looked over and saw Axel, who clearly visited the bathroom for the same purpose as I did, cold water running down his red face too.

"Sorry," Axel pulled his hand back and I stood there, not sure what to say or do.

"Um," I felt so nervous, I thought I was going to throw up.

"You look good," He said and I looked up into his eyes.

"What?" I felt so slow, like words couldn't process through my thick skull.

"You look great. You have a job and you just look…happy." He smiled and I broke into one too.

"Thanks. How have you been?" I hadn't seen him since he kicked me out.

"Eh, life is life. Had to pick up an extra job, but you got to do what you got to do." He shrugged.

"Yeah. I was tired of being home all day." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Well good for you." Axel's smile returned and that made mine do the same. I wanted to tell him that I missed him; wanted to tell him that I still loved him; hell, I even wanted to tell him that I slept with a red pillow I named after him. I just wanted to be the source of his happiness.

"It's because of you that I kept fighting to help myself." I wanted to say all those truths running through my mind, but the time just didn't seem right for such direct words.

"What do you mean?"

"When I started living with Sora, part of me wanted to return to my old ways. I wanted to just give up and go back to how I used to live. But I knew that Sora, Riku, you, and even I deserved better than that. You made me realize that I needed to change. Kicking me out was the wakeup call I needed. Thank you."

"Glad I could help. Still, it's really quiet at home now. Demyx is over a lot just to fill the empty void of space and noise." Axel laughed nervously and I smiled wide.

"He seems like he'd be good at that."

"Yeah, he is." Axel continued to laugh when I looked back at my watch.

"Well, I should be getting back to work."

"I should get back to Reno."

"He seems like a good big brother."

"He really is. Annoying, but helpful." Axel fixed his long flowing hair and I wanted so badly to run my fingers through it. Wanted so badly to smell it as it tickled my palms. That sense of longing read all too easily on my face.

"I miss you." I said, not wanting to get so emotional, but I felt like I didn't have a choice.

"I miss you too Roxas," Axel moved in to hug me when the bathroom door opened.

"Oh, sorry," Hayner blushed, quickly walking into a stall as I turned red with embarrassment, and Axel chuckled at me.

"I'll be out there," He said, turning around, walking away, forgetting to hug me.

I sighed, washed my face again, and then sighed even bigger.

"Who was that?" Hayner asked when he knew we were alone.

"My ex." I said, hating that title.

"Damn, he's hot." Hayner smiled.

"Yeah, he's perfect."

"Then, why'd you two break up?" I could tell that Hayner debated asking, but went for it anyway.

"I cheated on him, and he stopped trusting me." I put my head in one of my hands, hating myself more than ever for finally realizing how nice I had it, and how badly I abused that.

"I'm sorry," Hayner said and then smiled, "He looked like he still loves you."

"Yeah, I still love him. So, maybe," I shrugged. "Let's go back before Pence and Olette start to worry."

"Right." He high fived me and we went back to our jobs. I sat a few more tables down and then was asked to run bills to tables. Of course, Axel's was on my list. I ran through the others first, knowing that I could make Axel and Reno wait since they looked just fine, laughing and talking about whatever it was they seemed so happy about.

"Here you are," I said, sliding down the receipt face down, smiling as best I could for the two redheads.

"Axel's right, you have an adorable smile." Reno said and Axel's eyes widened. I blushed and fell silent.

"Oh, um, thank you." I said nervously, trying to laugh it off as I ran off to help another table.

"Roxas, one last time, I'm begging you!" Olette grabbed my shoulder and pointed to another large circular tray.

"Haha, ok," I picked up the tray, lifting it up with my right arm, surprised at how heavy it felt. My arm started to wobble and the tray started to shake, and I could feel myself losing my grip. I saw a little kid running around, and in an attempt to dodge him, I tripped and down I flew, trying to keep the food from falling over. I fell on my stomach, and when I opened my eyes, the food was still in tact with the plates and the tray landed smoothly on the ground as I did my best to guide it on my way down. The consequence? I think I broke something. With all the attention and silence, I couldn't tell where the source of the pain was, but it was there.

"Roxas?" Hayner ran to my side, Olette right behind him.

"Oh man," I tried to sit up, my stomach sore.

"Roxas, you ok?" I turned around and Axel was right there, hand on my back, guiding me up.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You hurt?" Hayner asked and I realized how many people were staring at me.

"I think I'm fine," I started, but Axel cut me off.

"He wouldn't say even if he were dying. Come on," Axel scooped me up and I tried to argue against it.

"It's ok, I'm fine," I insisted but Hayner shook his head.

"Dude, look at your foot!" He pointed and I realized that my ankle was twisted funny.

"Eww!" Olette screeched and I sighed.

"I don't think he can walk," Pence said and Axel nodded.

"Reno, start your car." Axel looked at Hayner, Pence, and Olette. "We'll take him to the hospital."

I put my arms around Axel's neck, using my injury for all I could, letting my head fall against his chest as he cradled me out of the restaurant, into Reno's car, and into the backseat where he sat with me. That's when the adrenaline of nerves worse off and the pain became more noticeable.

"Ugh!" I grunted, gritting my teeth.

"Whats wrong? Is it your ankle?"

"Mhm," I nodded, trying not to be as weak as I felt I was.

"Reno, hurry up." Axel said and Reno waved him off.

"Yeah yeah, I'm going, I'm going."

"Don't worry Rox, we'll be there soon." Axel rubbed my shoulder, creating a heated friction that distracted me.

"I hate hospitals," I said, already freaking out at the thought of those loud machines, the needles, the smell of hand sanitizer.

"Is that why you're always lying about being hurt?" Axel asked me.

"Well, that, and I don't want to be a burden." I shied away.

"Roxas, if you're hurt, you aren't being a burden. Besides, I saw why you fell. I think it was really brave and sweet of you to take the fall so the little boy wouldn't have gotten hurt."

"Really?" I asked, feeling special that Axel would think that.

"Yeah. It shows that you aren't selfish and that you care about others." Damn, that's something that, three or four months ago, he'd never be able to say truthfully.

"I do care Axe. The more I got out of my comfort zone, the more I began to love life; the more I started to care." I smiled at him when Reno slammed on the breaks at a red light, causing my ankle to bump against the floor of the car, sending a sharp pain up my leg.

"Reno!" Axel growled.

"Sorry!" Reno hollered, and Axel held onto me tightly.

"We're almost there."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So here we see Axel back in Roxas' life, as if I could keep those two away from each other ;P Sadly I'm in a bad mood….i had 4 accounts on KH2 but my baby brother decided to over-ride them with all level one beginner accounts. So I lost my level 87, level 96, level 34, and level 8 games, all on different level's of difficulty. I don't know about you, but I think this is enough of a reason to commit murder -_- Ugh, super pissed. Anyway, I hope that you liked the chapter!<p>

To Tomo-7: I'm glad that you get it more and hopefully it continues to make more sense ^_^ Hmm, moody Roxas had a realistic part of him that made him relatable, because he's flawed, but I like changing characters so hopefully it worked.

To Vocal-len02: Awww thank you! I shall try not to let you or any of my readers down! I do my writing at night when I'm break for college (which I currently am) so it's a lot of work that keeps me up super late when I still have to be up early. Kind of a pain. Thanks, it was ok, someone puked on me which was gross!

To RikuMewKira: hahaha, good point, I think if parents knew about , they'd be scared! Aww yay! I'm glad you like it and I'm thinking of extending it more, if I have time to write and if I can come up with something worth writing. Hahaha, I love Reno, but I'll save him for Rude ;P

To Ruby1056: Thank you for your request and I'm sorry that I didn't post an extra chapter, but I will do my best to post daily as best I can. This story is actually almost over, so if I decide to extend it, I need to buy myself time …..or start typing ridiculously fast lol. Thanks again, it was nice to hear that kind of request =)

To mellow-panda7: Still reading your reviews, still loving them, still commenting back! Hahaha, yes, I LOVE Reno and I love Rude, especially the two together. Yes I do love Aww moments with Riku. AWWW, YAY! I loved the pillow thing when it came to my head so I'm glad that you appreciated it too! ^_^

To shadowridge: Ah, ok. I need to start using my psp like that lol. As you may have noticed, I am a HUGE yaoi fan, and sorry your eyes got raped, but I'm glad that you switched over ^_^ Lmao. OF COURSE! I'd love to help you write one! I get super busy and work on a bunch all at once, but I'll do anything I can =)


	10. Share it with You

After an x-ray and some other tests, the doctors told me that although my ankle wasn't broken, it was severely sprained. Axel had to carry me back to Reno's car, who drove me to Sora's.

"Thank goodness you're alright! You had me so worried!" Sora held me after Axel laid me down on the couch.

"Sorry," I adjusted the pillow behind me, trying to get comfortable.

"Here," Axel sat me up, then rested himself against the couch so I could use his chest as a pillow.

"Thanks," I blushed and snuggled against him. He put an arm around me as I curled into his body.

"Aww, look at them," Reno smirked as the doorbell rang.

"Is he ok?" Demyx walked in and I felt so embarrassed.

"How many people did you call?" I asked Axel. He shrugged.

"Just a few."

"Axel, I sprained my ankle, I didn't die!"

"You were hurt, it's all the same to me." Axel combed my hair and I blushed again.

"How you feeling?" Demyx asked, talking to me really slowly.

"Dem, he sprained his ankle, he didn't have a concussion." Reno rolled his eyes and Demyx ignored him.

"I'm fine Demyx, thanks." I said when there was another knock at the door.

"Hey kid, you alright?" Some tall, broad, intimidating man asked me. He had a shaved head and wore dark sunglasses and I had never seen him before.

"Rox, this is Rude, Reno's boyfriend." Axel introduced him and I told him that I was alright.

"Rude, hey baby." Reno waltzed up to his boyfriend and lazily threw his arms around him.

"Hey Reno. Did you hurt him?" Rude asked and Reno laughed.

"Nah, he tripped. Reno chuckled before he continued. "He took one for the team so that a little boy wouldn't fall."

"Is that so?" Rude asked, finally taking off his sunglasses as he took a seat in a chair that Riku offered to him.

"Yeah, the kid's a natural hero." Reno sat on his boyfriends lap as Riku brought out another chair from his dining room to sit on.

"Come on Sora, let him breathe." Riku said as Sora hovered over me to make sure I was ok, since I was too tired to do or say much.

"Fine." Sora said sadly as he plopped himself on Riku.

"Xiggy is on his way." Demyx checked his phone and I curled closer to Axel.

"Really, I'm ok." I blinked slowly as Axel smiled sadly down at me.

"I was just so scared. I couldn't help but call people." Axel's pathetic smile turned real as I smiled back.

"Thanks, for caring." I closed my eyes and I felt him exhale deeply as I snuggled against his warm body.

"Don't they just look so cute?" Reno said and Axel cleared his throat. We're still not together, and I didn't know if he actually wanted me back or not, so I thought it would be best to stay quiet, even as Sora spoke.

"Roxas always looks most peaceful when Axel's holding him."

At that, I couldn't help but blush.

"Awww, Roxas is blushing!" Demyx squealed and I turned an even deeper red as I squeezed Axel's middle.

"Alright you guys, give him a break." Axel fingered my hair as I relaxed into a smile.

"I'm going to go to the store to get some coffee. Axe, want to come?" Riku stood up and Axel gently lifted me off of him before he set me on the couch by myself.

"I'll be back." He rubbed my shoulder and left with Riku.

"You know, I think I could go for some desert. What do you say Rude?" Reno stood up and Rude got up as well. "We'll be back with a cake or something." Reno said as the two left and I looked at Sora and Demyx.

"I have to go clean the bathroom before everyone comes back. Demyx, can you watch Roxas?" Sora asked and Demyx nodded.

"No problem."

It was quiet at first, but then Demyx scooted over to me and I gulped.

"Look Roxas, I just want to apologize that I threatened you way back when. I guess I just wanted to make sure that Axel didn't get hurt. I can see that this is real, and that you do care, but I just didn't want him to go through all that drama shit again. Can you understand?" Demyx's pure blue eyes seemed so genuine and sincere, I nodded easily.

"I know."

"Good. And don't worry, Axel still loves you, k?" Demyx smiled at me and I nodded slowly.

"I love him too."

"I can tell. He's still hurt by what happened, and he's trying to get over it, but some wounds take time and lots of it to heal. But if you give him that time and give him the love he deserves, I'm sure you two can make it work and make it last."

"Thanks Dem." I said, starting to feel the last of the pain medication wear off as Sora came back to the living room.

"All done. Whew, I'm tired." Sora sat down as Demyx stood up to answer the door since his boyfriend was standing on the other side.

"Hey Roxy, how you feeling?" Xigbar walked up to me and I shrugged.

"I'm ok."

"Good to hear. Hope you feel better soon." I could tell that Xigbar never liked me, and to be honest I never liked him, but at least now he was trying to be civil, even if only for Demyx's sake.

"I love you Xiggy." Demyx kissed his boyfriend hello as the two sat in a loveseat.

"We're back." Riku opened the door as Axel brought in the coffee and began passing it around.

"Where's Reno?" Axel asked.

"He went with Rude to get some desert. They should be back soon." Sora explained while Axel lifted me up only to place me in his lap again. Sora helped him elevate my foot as I put my head on Axel's shoulders.

Within the next few minutes, Reno and Rude made it back and started cutting up the chocolate cake they bought, passing around slices for all of us.

"What kind of coffee is that?" I asked Axel while everyone else was talking.

"Carmel machiotto, why?"

"Can I have some?" I liked my lips, thirsty.

"I'm sorry Roxy, but the doctor said no caffeine with your pain meds." Axel frowned at me and I whined.

"But it smells so good." I started to whimper as he put his coffee down and held me tighter.

"I wish I could share it with you."

"You could kiss him and let him taste it." Reno coughed loudly and I blushed.

"Is that what you want Roxas? Do you want to taste it?" Axel took another sip as I nodded desperately.

"Come here." He whispered and helped me sit up as he put his lips against mine. I inhaled deep, my heart racing, feeling as if we were kissing for the very first time. His hands were high up on my sides as he pushed his tongue into my mouth and allowed mine to go in his so I could get a taste of that caramel.

"Awww, look how adorable!" Demyx said and I pulled away, quickly burying my face in Axel's neck.

"Demyx, you made him shy!" Reno laughed and Sora giggled.

"Aww, don't be shy Roxas."

"Rox? You ok?" Axel rubbed his hand up and down my back as I sniffled. "Roxas?" Axel pushed me away when he heard my sniffles and I wiped my eyes.

"What's wrong?" Riku asked and I let out a pathetic chuckle.

"I just missed your kisses." I bit my lip as I put my head back on Axel's chest.

"You know Axe, I think he wants you to kiss him again." Reno smirked and Axel bore a small smile.

"Is that what you want Roxas? A kiss?" Axel teased me by the way his fingers tickled my sides in the small circles he rotated them.

"Yeah. I want you to love me again." I said and Axel sighed. Shit. Did I cross the line again?

"Roxas, lets wait till you're not on pain meds, ok?" Axel smiled poorly as I frowned.

"Kay."

"Shh, don't worry, we'll talk soon." Axel kissed my temple and I smiled again, happy to feel his lips against my skin.

"I love you Axe." I yawned, getting tired after Sora made me take more pain medication.

"Roxas, you should probably get some sleep." Riku said, probably not used to all the company in his small apartment.

"Yeah, good idea." I said, sitting up, much against my will to leave the warmth of Axel's body.

"Get better soon!" Demyx said on behalf of himself and his boyfriend before leaving.

"We'll stop by soon, if that's alright." Reno offered and when Riku nodded, he and Rude left.

"Goodnight Roxas. Get some rest, and I'll be back after work tomorrow." Axel stood up, carried me to the bed Riku had always offered me even as I slept on the couch, and tucked me in.

"Nighty night." I smiled like a dumb idiot way to high on my pills.

"Nighty night." Axel kissed me goodnight on the cheek as he started to leave.

"Wait!" I screamed and he turned around quickly.

"What? What is it?" He asked in a panic.

"I want my Axel!" I started to tear up and he smiled.

"I have to work baby."

"No, my Axel pillow!" I banged my fist on the mattress as he stood confused.

"Huh?"

"MY Axel pillow!" I shouted, again, on way too many pain killers, even though it did help with the pain.

"He means this." Sora came in, obviously hearing my shouts, and handed Axel my red pillow.

"This is his Axel pillow?" Axel asked.

"It's red." Sora shrugged before he left and Axel walked back to me and handed it to me.

"Better?" Axel asked and I nodded, taking my pillow and squeezing it without mercy in my arms.

"I love my Axel pillow." I turned on my side, still holding onto it with my life.

"Goodnight Roxy." Axel turned off my bedroom light as I drifted off to sleep

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So far starters, I'm sorry that I haven't posted in the past couple days, things have been way to crazy and busy and a bit stressful.<p>

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: So I got the email for your review right after I posted, so sorry about that! I try to comment back after each review in time for the next chapter, so I thought it was funny how you reviewed right after I posted lol. Thanks for reading and thanks even more for reviewing.

To Shadowridge: Yea, I actually sprained my ankle like that a couple years ago, so I know, poor Roxas .

To Salvi: Aww, of course! Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it. Well there is more drama ahead, but you have to read to find out! Lol ^_^

To Pumpkinlenses: Yeah, I got through character developments and changes and backwards steps all the time…did that make sense? It did in my head . I'm glad that you are hooked! Don't worry, things will mellow out….eventually….lol XD

To mellow-panda7: Reno is my all time fav! Ok well I have a bunch of all time favs, but he's just amazing! I did sprain my ankle like that 2 yrs ago, and trust me, it is a bitch! Hahaha, yes, it is safe to say that Akuroku is a must! They do belong together….so now you just have to keep reading to see if they end up together O.o OMG I FEEL SO FAMOUS! Lmao! That's awesome! It really made my day to hear that, so thank you for sharing. That seriously is like, ahhh, fangirl scream! Lol Haha, yeah at first I had it end after the 3rd chapter, but then I started extending it. Don't worry there is still lots left, so please tell your friend that it isn't too late to catch up and wait to see what will happen! Thanks again! Grr, I wants an Axel pillow to snuggle with.

Thank you all for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	11. So, About US?

The next day, Reno came over and even Rude stopped by for about ten minutes before he left for work, and after an hour with Sora and Reno, Axel joined us.

"Hey, how you feeling?" Axel handed me a dozen roses, a get well card, and a teddy bear. My arms were full as I tried to hug him, still sitting on the couch.

I looked down at all the stuff he got me and smiled up at him. "I'm feeling much better now. Thanks Axe, you didn't have to."

"I want to help you get better." Axel sat next to me as I kept my ankle up on the coffee table. "You should lay down and elevate so it doesn't swell up anymore."

"Good idea." I fidgeted around until Axel picked me up in his arms, laid himself down on the couch, and placed me on his stomach. "Thanks." I rested my bandaged ankle on his legs as he put his hands on my tummy.

I could feel myself getting emotional, and I hated feeling so dramatic, but being touched by him just felt so amazing. And not sexually, the way it used to. It just felt so comforting, so right. I put my hands over his and Sora turned on a movie for us.

"Are you two going to be ok while I go to the store?"

"We'll be fine. Thanks for inviting me for dinner." Axel answered as Sora left.

"Axe?"

"Yea?"

I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I grew shy.

"Thanks for keeping me company."

"Of course." Axel ruffled my hair as we continued to watch the movie. Riku came home right when it ended, and right when Axel had to leave.

"Do you have to go?" I asked quietly as he placed me back on the couch so he could stand.

"Yea, I'm sorry." Axel put a hand on my cheek and I held it there.

"Tomorrow is going to be busy, I'll be at work all day." Riku warned Sora, who sighed.

"How is this going to work?" Sora asked Riku. "You have work all day tomorrow and I have a bunch of errands to run. I don't have time to look after him."

I was quiet. I hated feeling like a burden.

"He can stay with me, I have tomorrow off." Axel said and I smiled uncontrollably.

"Alright," Riku sighed, not really having an opinion.

"Good, lets get your stuff." Axel packed some clothes and my basic belongings to spend the night at his place, and Riku drove me along with my crutches that I had yet to use and my stuff. Axel drove home on his motorcycle and when we got there, he helped carry me in and then went to Riku's car to bring in my stuff.

"You want to go to bed?" Axel asked after he dumped all my shit in a corner of his room.

"Not really," I couldn't lie, I wanted him badly. He removed his black leather jacket to reveal his tight white T-shirt that looked amazing with his skinny black jeans.

"Well what do you want to do?" He asked, sitting right by me, our thighs touching.

"I don't know," I shrugged, inhaling deep. I wasn't trying to seem desperate, but I had missed him so much, I wanted to get all that I had been missing out on in one dose.

"Do you not know or do you just not want to say?" Axel put his finger on my chin and forced me to face him and I inhaled deep.

"I don't want to ruin the last bit of us there is." I admitted.

"Honesty is the best policy Rox," Axel smiled and I nodded.

"I've missed you so much. I've been crying at night, holding onto that red pillow, naming it after you, trying to squeeze the life out of it, wishing it were you." I threw my arms around his stomach and sniffled into him. He put his arms around me and rubbed his hands up and down my back.

"I've missed you too Roxy. Reno's been helping me realize that I'm taking out some old hidden anger on you when I shouldn't."

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"See, my mom used to cheat on my dad all the time, and he never wanted to admit it, so he kept her for years and years and years, till she finally left him. Then one day a few years later, she came back, promising she had changed, but when the time came to prove it, she failed. I guess I've been fearing that my past will repeat itself. But Reno and Demyx have been helping me realize that you're nothing like my mom. You woke up, saw a need to change, and did. I guess I saw how quickly you changed and thought that it was impossible, too good to be true. But I was putting limitations on you and I wasn't giving you the credit you deserve. I'm sorry. I've been so scared and so insecure, and I just didn't know what to do." Axel lifted my face up and I looked into his dangerously bright eyes.

"I love you," I said; they were the only words on my mind.

"I love you too," He kissed me. It was slow and sweet and everything I needed.

"Come on, you need to go to bed." Axel helped me change into my pajama bottoms and tucked me in his bed.

"Thank you for letting me stay with you." I smiled as he handed me my pillow Axel that Riku let me take. I held onto that thing with all I had when Axel joined me in his bed.

"You know, you don't have to use a pillow version of me anymore, unless you prefer that." Axel smiled shyly and I did too.

"Ok." I moved the pillow and scooted over to him, putting my arms around him as he put his around me.

"Night Roxas."

"Night Axe." I felt his body breathe as he slept, but the pain in my ankle was much more than I remembered, probably because I wasn't on as many pills, and I hardly slept.

"Morning." Axel smiled sweetly when he woke up.

"Morning." I said, tired and weary.

"What's wrong?"

"It hurts."

"I'm sorry." Axel sat up, got his pillows, and placed them under my ankle.

He put my ankle over his shoulder and massaged my leg. Usually we'd fuck in this position, but he gave me a relaxing massage as I sighed, just about half asleep.

"How you feeling?" Axel asked me after he massaged my leg down to my thigh.

"Thanks." I said, so extremely tired and out of it, just wanting to sleep.

"Stay in bed while I make breakfast, ok?" Axel stood up and left as I waited for him to return.

"Axe? Axel?" I shouted his name and he came running in seconds later.

"What is it? Everything ok?" he rushed to my side as I blushed.

"I'm not hungry. I just don't want to be alone anymore." I looked up at him and he nodded.

"I'll go turn off the stove and I'll be right back. Five seconds." He dashed off and sprinted back.

"That was seventeen seconds." I said as he came back.

"Damn, I thought I was faster than that." Axel smiled as he climbed in bed next to me.

"Axe, are we dating again?" I asked when he sat behind me and pulled me against his body.

He sighed and I sighed, knowing that I had started something. As always. It was always my fault and I was so sick of it.

"I don't know Rox. What do you want to do?"

"I want to be the boyfriend you've always deserved. I want to make it up to you. I will make it up to you. I promise." I looked up into his hurting eyes with my own hurting pair.

"You're not going to break it?" He looked scared and I got angry.

"NO I wont ok?" I yelled and he exhaled loudly.

"Please don't yell." I wiped my tears to see that he was crying too.

"I'm sorry." I gulped and he looked away.

"I want to get back together, but if you snap like that, it's going to make it harder for me to stay patient." Axel rested his chin on my shoulder and I nodded.

"I'm really sorry Axe, I didn't mean it." I turned to see his eyes so very close to mine.

"I don't want to get hurt again. I know I need to trust you, and I know that you've changed, but think about it Rox. It's hard for me to take you back when just one thought of our past makes me want to cry." Axel blinked rapidly and I could tell that he meant what he said literally, his eyes were filling up with tears.

"I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll change our memories so that you wont even be able to remember the bad. Please, just one more chance?" I didn't even look at him and when he inhaled, I prepared for the worst. He was about to talk when his phone went off.

"It's Sora." He said when he flipped his phone open and talked. Sadly I couldn't hear Sora, so I didn't know what they were talking about until Axel hung up.

"Riku has to pick you up now because they'll be busy later." Axel stood up and got my stuff ready as I sat on the bed, feeling absolutely shitty. Sora always had the worst timing.

"So, about us?" I didn't want to bring it up again, but I needed to know.

"Right now, lets focus on healing your ankle. After you get better, we'll talk. I swear. Is that ok?" Axel handed me my crutches as I nodded.

"Alright. Thank you for helping me and letting me stay with you. It was nice to be in your arms again." I smiled and Axel kissed my cheek as Riku arrived.

Author's Note: So this chapter is shorter than the recent ones, but I'm trying to extend it still, so I'm writing as fast as I can so that I can post on time and not fall behind. Also, the next chapter will be REALLY long, so prepare!

WARNING: The next chapter will have a long, intense, detailed lemon. I hate to give away such spoilers, but I feel like I should, just incase someone is uncomfortable reading sex scenes or in case you try to read it when other people (non yaoi fans) are around and its just too hard (hahaha, pun :P) … hey I'm just looking out for your eyes! Hahaha lol, so yea, lemon coming up! Be prepared!

To Kindofbadger: I love badgers! Have I ever told you that? Seriously, they are like that random animal I am known for loving without being able to explain. Anyway, sorry for the long wait, but I hope it was at least worth it =) Hahaha YAY! Thanks for the compliment too. I love Demyx, but it's nice to see characters portrayed differently than the same old same old that everyone does. So thanks!

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: Awww, yay! I can just picture that happening, cause when I'm grumpy on pain meds, I turn into a little kid and my roommates are left wondering what language I'm speaking lol. So yeah, I thought it would be cool to add some of that in here ^_^ Thank YOU for reviewing and for reading ^_^

To mellow-panda7: Yes, you really did, and thanks again, I still cant get over that! Its like Christmas came early for me lol. Haha yes, Reno is just too amazing to alter his character in any way other than the loud-mouthed-idiot we all know and love. Grr, now I'm jealous! I wants an Axel-pillow! Hahaha, I want to write a Reno X Rude lemon, but the story is from Roxas' POV, and I don't know how to write a lemon with Roxas watching without making it totally awkward and uncomfortable . Tips? Lol Awww thank you! I love you guys too! Thank you and your friend for reading!

To Shadowridge: Butter is holy? Good to know :P lol. Hahaha, message received and in case you didn't read the warning I posted above, there will be a lemon next chapter ;P Oh yea, it will be intense. So prepare to read it alone when no one can possibly read over your shoulder and interrogate you about the smut staining your eyes …. Sorry, I got carried away lol.

To Kidakama: Ok, no I did NOT lose a fight to Roxas lol. Hopefully you read this, cause you're commenting on chapter 4, but I'm posting this with chapter 11….i don't want you to think that I left you out! :O Anyway, its all good lol. Aww, thank you So much for that encouraging comment ^_^. I do my best to write akuroku's that aren't the same stereotypical ones that are out there. I used to read a lot and it was the same old same old, Axel trying to get Roxas like a horny perv but Roxas was a stuck-up bitch with self-esteem issues. I try to add a twist or variety if and when possible, so thank you for appreciating it, because it's hard to put up stories that break character norms cause I've been criticized for it twice already! . Although I've posted 15 stories, so I guess 2 bad reviews isn't that bad…sorry, I'm rambling lol. Thanks again though!

Thank you everyone for reading! Also, as the Christmas holiday comes up, I will be adding some Christmas scenes, so mini-warning for that….just so that way you all know ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum!


	12. Chin Up

I continued to stay with Sora and Riku as my ankle slowly healed, although I hated using those dumb crutches. After about two weeks, of not seeing Axel since he was so busy working, Reno stopped by Riku's.

"Hey Roxy, how are you feeling?" Reno sat next to me on the couch as I shrugged.

"I'm so bored. I can't go back to work yet and I spend so much time just sitting here." I huffed angrily.

"Yeah, I'm sorry kid. Axel apologizes that he hasn't been over in a while, but he's been working a lot, too much if you ask me." Reno sighed and I became curious.

"Is he ok?"

"I don't know. He's never been such a workaholic, and it seems to be coming out of nowhere. He swore that he got an extra job because he needed the munny, but to be honest, he doesn't need it anymore. Then I thought that he was working so much to keep himself busy, but now that you're back in his life, I can't think of anything." Reno looked to me and I couldn't help but frown.

"Maybe he wants an excuse as to why he can't spend time with me." I wasn't trying to sound so emo, but I couldn't think of anything else.

"Hey you can't think that way kid. If you want Axel to believe that you two truly belong together, you have to believe it first."

"I'm trying but no matter how hard I work to prove it, it feels like no one believes me." I bent my knees to my chest, not caring that it put pressure on my ankle.

"I believe you. And deep down, even though he's scared, I know that Axel believes you too." Reno put a hand on my shoulder and I smiled.

"Thanks."

"Anytime. Just keep working, and Axel will see it as proof. It's one thing to say that you wont cheat on him again, but only time will show that you really mean it. You both need to be patient with each other, but you need to trust each other too."

"I want to, but if he doesn't trust me, then it's hard to trust him back." I sighed and Reno patted my back.

"Just be patient, ok?" Reno gave me a hug and I gladly returned it when there was a knock at the door.

"Coming!" Sora shouted as he went to answer it.

"I think it's Rude, he came to pick me up."

"Come on in." Sora opened the door and the tall tan man stepped through, removing those sunglasses he always seems to wear.

"Reno, we have to go." Rude said and Reno sighed.

"Baby, I'm try to cheer up the blonde." Reno begged and Reno sat by him.

"How are you kid?" Rude asked and I gave a sincerely fake smile.

"I'm fine."

"Reno, let's go." Rude repeated and Reno sighed as he stood.

"Sorry kid. I'm sure Axel will stop by soon. Take care." Reno bent down to kiss my forehead and I smiled.

"Thanks Reno. See you later."

"Chin up." Reno waved goodbye and I sat alone on the couch while Sora left to finish his errands.

I watched TV for about an hour when Axel called me on my cell, but for some reason, I just didn't want to answer it. I let it go to voicemail and when I left a message, I was quick to listen to it.

"Hey Roxy, it's me. Just called to see how you were feeling and if you were free. I wanted to stop by and pick you up so we could spend some time together. You can stay the night too if you want. Well call me back if you get this anytime soon, since I'm still out and can pick you up. Later."

I quickly called him back and waited as the phone rang a couple times. With each loud ring, I got scared that he might let my call go to voicemail, but when he picked up, my heart did as well.

"Axel?"

"Hey Roxy."

"Um, I just got your message. I'd love to hang out with you." I smiled, glad that he couldn't see how nervous I was.

"Great. Is now a good time to go get you? How's your ankle? Think you can ride with me?"

"Yeah it's much better. I'll get ready now."

"Ok, I'll be there in about thirty minutes, I'm leaving work now."

"Kay. Bye Axe."

"Bye baby." Axel hung up and I could feel my cheeks flush when I heard him call me baby.

"Where are you going?" Sora asked when he came back to see me sitting on the couch with my backpack filled by my side.

"Axel's coming to get me. I'm going to stay the night with him. Is that ok?" I asked, knowing that I didn't really have to, but feeling like I should.

"Sure. As long as you're safe and happy, then so am I." Sora set down his groceries and began putting them away when Axel showed up.

"I'll have him home in about two days, is that ok?" Axel asked Sora and Sora nodded.

"If his ankle gets worse,"

"I'll bring him back, don't worry." Axel carried my backpack and put an arm around my waist.

"You sure you can walk?"

"I'll be fine." I took some small steps.

"Let me carry you to my motorcycle." Axel cradled me in his arms down the hall, down the elevator, and to his motorcycle, where he situated me and then himself before he sped off. I gripped him tightly as we made our way to his place, where he once again carried me inside and set me on his bed.

"You want to talk?" Axel asked after he put my backpack on the floor and sat next to me.

"About?"

"Us." Axel was quick to answer and I nodded.

"I trust you enough to be patient in knowing that only time will show that I won't cheat on you ever again. I mean it Axe. I know I've said it before, and I know I've broken my promises before, and I know that when you ask, it's because you care enough to only date me if it's going to be real. I'm willing to work to prove to you that it is." I put my head on his shoulder and he inhaled deeply.

"Alright. Then I shall do my best to take your word and trust you. I can't forget the past, but I won't let it affect our future, ok?"

"Really?" I looked up at him with the most hope I've ever had.

"I will do anything I can to trust you Roxas, but I will tell you this now: if you cheat on my once more, we are through for good. Understand?" Axel asked and I nodded.

"I won't ever, I promise." I put my arms around him and he pushed me back so he could kiss my lips. Instantly it started turning rough and intense as he pushed us down on his bed, him straddling me from on top. He stripped of his shirt and pants, helping me with mine cautiously with my ankle, and we started making out again. He rubbed his body up and down mine, our boxers the only thing stopping our erections from making direct contact; the cotton creating such a fierce friction.

"Axe," I moaned, getting hard, wanting to feel his hot hard cock thrusting in and out of me.

"What is it babe?" He started biting my neck, leaving marks as he pulled on my skin with his teeth.

"Make love to me," I ran my hands up and down his spine, loving the way his body shivered in response to my touch.

Axel said nothing; he removed both of our boxers, bent my legs to my chest, and got right to work, fingering me after he gently spread my legs apart.

"Damn I missed you," He said as he stroked my cock, rubbing one finger against my entrance. I moaned loudly, wanting to feel him inside.

"Axe," I whined, twitching when he put a finger inside me. Then he added another. He started shaking his fingers, moving them up and down so fast, my whole ass shook. My body vibrated up and down as he slowly pulled up on his hand, then down, then back up, forcing my ass to follow his command, forcing my entrance to widen.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded. I reached for his length, pumped it a few times, then helped him insert it inside me.

"Ah, ah, hoh," I mewled, the pleasure kicking in as he locked fingers with one of my hands.

"I love you Rox," He bent down to kiss me.

"Love you Axe," I smiled up. As he kneeled at my entrance, he thrusted lightly, making sure I adjusted to his presence. Then, he pulled out, moved me over, lied on his back and placed me on top of him.

"Ride me," He said and, on my knees, I lowered myself on him. My ankle was starting to hurt a little, but I paid no attention to it, just focusing on his hard dick I was slipping in and out of. When I was all the way down on him, he jolted his hips as I thrusted my hips back into him, our bodies mixing to a rhythm we couldn't deny.

"Yeah, yeah, oh yea," I moaned, pumping myself as I turned around to watch the way my ass bounced against his thighs.

"That's it, fuck yeah," Axel gripped my ass tightly, spanking me a few times, leaving his red hand print on pale cheeks.

"More Axe, faster," I begged and he sped up the rate at which he pulsed his hips into my ass. I lowered my chest as close to his as I could, holding onto his shoulders, trying to kiss him through the shaking, the jolting, and the moaning. He ran his hands up and down my sides, stopping every time he got to the curve of my hips, massaging me gently. He lifted me up slightly as I sat upright, then pushed me back down into him, my ass slamming into his balls, causing that slapping noise that drove me wild. I put on hand to my nipple, but he pulled me back down, forcing me to lay on top of him. I licked his nipples, tugging at his hard perk pink buttons with my teeth, pulling them up as he moaned, smiling as his mouth remained open through my actions. He placed his hands at the base of my ass, holding onto me, breathing heavy. After I finished giving a nipple some love, he pulled me out of him, ready for our next position.

I kissed him as he sat up, attacking his neck, his collarbone, his face with my lips, just planting the sweetest of kisses anywhere I could. When I got to his mouth, he pulled me into him, forcing me to lie on top of him as we lost our fingers in each other's hair, our tongues doing the most elaborate of dances. I sat up, pushing on his chest to encourage him to stay down as I ran my tongue from his neck to his navel, tracing saliva as I past each delectable stop. I lavished his nipples, swirled my tongue in his belly button, causing him to thrust his hips up into me, and I made my way down into his inner thighs. He moaned, whined, and moved his legs, practically begging for me to continue.

I sucked on his balls, then made my way to deep throat his long and entire cock. He turned to stone in my mouth, warm, twitching, begging and growing as I sucked. I twisted my fingertips over those small red hairs at his base, loving the way that small decision drove him over the edge.

After I blew him for a while, I moved back to his mouth, losing my tongue in his wet cavern as we playfully fought for dominance of the kiss. I let my warm sweaty body collapse on top of his, his hands on my curved hips, our hips subconsciously thrusting into each other as we made out.

"Go in me," I said and he sat us up and placed me in his lap, slowly forcing himself inside me. Since I was on top, I sat at eye level with him and we made out as he gently pushed up on his hips before letting them fall again. Then he kissed my neck generously, moving farther south to my chest, stopping at my nipples where I cried out for more. He pushed me back and I placed my hands behind me to support myself as he took his turn shoving his tongue in my belly button. I had never had this done before, but I then learned why it drove him wild. I kept moaning and twisting my body and trying to move so much that he put his hands on my sides to keep me from moving too much.

"Axe there," I said after he pushed his tongue straight in, no swirling or bending or licking. Just pure hard and straight. "Oh god, oh god more," I breathed heavily as he pulled me back up, thrusting faster upward and into me as I put my arms around his neck and placed my palms on his smooth crème back. I held onto him as he thrusted, not able to see his face since I was literally smashed into him, but so happy to just be able to hold onto him.

He leaned back on the springy mattress and pushed his ass deep down into it, using the momentum to drive him back up further into me. We bounced up and down for several minutes, the momentum making this more like a ride full of pleasure and moans. I leaned back as well, placing my hands behind me again, both of us staring at how wildly my cock flipped up and down, up and down, smacking against his pelvis, then my stomach, flailing around as he used that pleasure to continue his force. I put one arm on his shoulder, moaning loudly as he put one on mine, each of us thrusting to meet the other.

"Axe!" I cried and he slowed down.

"What is it?" He stopped allowing himself to take in so much pleasure to pay attention to my needs.

"My ankle," I hated myself for ruining the moment, but I didn't want to make it worse.

"I'm sorry!" He lifted me off of him and laid me down gently, making sure my ankle was ok.

"I'm fine, it just started to hurt a little," I said, wanting to get back to the good stuff.

"We should have waited." Axel combed my hair and I shook my head. "Roxas, I want you to heal and get better." Axel kissed me on the lips and I tugged at his erection.

"Can we at least come?" I asked and he nodded with a smile.

"Do you want me to come inside you?" He asked as he kissed my ear, pulling on it. I mewled before I was able to nod. He lifted me legs above his shoulders, careful with my hurt leg, and pumped himself roughly before he entered me.

"Ngh, I want to swallow it," I changed my mind and he chuckled as he pulled out.

"I want to swallow yours too," He played with my cock as I groaned. "Want to do it together?" He tilted his head and he looked so adorable, I just had to nod. He turned around and backed himself up, letting me see everything about his ass and cock as it dangled in my face. I took it, stroked it, kissed it, then plunged it in my mouth. As I started to bob, I felt him taking me in his mouth. I fought the urge to clamp his face between my legs, even though I was twitching and moaning into his cock, which only fed his pleasure. I inserted one finger in his ass as he thrusted himself skillfully back into it, leaving me to not have to do anything but keep my finger still.

He put all of me in his mouth, and when he was comfortable, he gurgled, making vibrations fly everywhere around my length, causing me to buck up my hips, causing him to have a gag reflex as he pushed me back down. I whined, breathing beyond unstable, my chest convulsing with a heated pleasure. I was going to come, and he knew. He gripped my hips and pushed down in warning, then made those vibrations come back and within seconds I spurted into his mouth as he swallowed all I had to offer.

I thrusted my whole body forward towards my head as I sucked on his cock, his body twisting as it hovered over mine to finger himself. I took a short break to breathe, then I rimmed his entrance with my tongue, taking pleasure in how he shook and moaned, thrusting his hips back into my mouth. I took his length again and pumped before I returned it to my mouth, where he came soon after.

"Oh fuck Roxas," Axel sighed as he threw his body next to mine, my face just inches from his chest before he pulled me into a tight embrace. I panted on his body, my arms weak as I held onto him, just wanting to be as close to him as I could.

"Now are you ready for sleep?" Axel asked and I shook my head.

"I want to blow you again," I put my hand on his cock and he smiled.

"Well I wont object to that." He helped me sit against the headboard as he stood in front of me, his large long dick in my face as I held it and massaged it. I kissed it gently and licked it playfully before I sucked on his exposed pink tip.

"Mm, yeah, yeah Rox, yea." Axel exhaled loudly as he began to thrust his hips into my mouth. I put my hands on his thighs as he guided his pelvis closer to me, having no choice but to suck on him whole. His pace quickened and his balls slapped into my chin, making me crave those. I twisted them and tugged on them, pulling hard and bouncing them on my palm as he quivered.

"Mmm, Roxas," He whined in a voice I had never heard from him, and it was the most adorable sound I had ever heard him make. I continued my actions, hoping to reproduce that sound again, and when he did, he came in my mouth. I swallowed everything, licked him clean, and sat him on top of me.

"I kind of like it like this," I blushed, loving how he was holding onto me as he tried to catch his breath.

"Huh?" His chest raced up and down as he slumped his body on mine.

"I like being the dominant one, its fun," I hoped he wouldn't get mad, but when he looked up from my chest, he smiled.

"It's hot."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's hot to see you taking charge, it turns me on." Axel breathed loudly, still catching his breath as I smiled and wrapped my arms around his tummy.

"I love you Axel,"

"I love you Roxy," Axel rolled off of me and sat beside me, holding me as he slid into bed.

"I don't know if I can go to bed after all of that," I said, watching him trying to get comfortable.

"Well with the way you just rode me, I think you'll sleep really good," He put his arm around my waist as I was sitting up. "Just go to bed when you're ready babe," He kissed my thigh and rolled over.

"Maybe if you hold me," I said, craving his arms, needing to feel safe again.

He rolled back around and pulled down the blankets so I could get in. I slid beside his body, forming perfectly into the spaces and curves he had with my own. I put my arms around his neck and kissed his lips as he put one hand behind my back, the other squishing my balls as I began to squirm in bed.

"Axe, you're making me hard again."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," He smiled and I rolled on top of him.

"I thought you wanted to sleep?"

"Maybe I just wanted this to happen?" Axel narrowed his eyes on me and I loved the position I was in, straddling him, looking down into his smirk.

"I want to, but, my ankle. There's not much I can do," I felt bad for ruining his fun.

"Then let me," He pulled me down off of him, put me on my side, and spread my cheeks apart as he licked the fuck out of my entrance.

"Oh, oh yea, hoh Axe," I moaned, feeling his tongue dive deep inside me, his saliva dripping everywhere as he made me hard. He spread my ass cheeks out wide, smacking his lips as he licked and kissed. His tongue tickled as he flicked it up and down quickly, teasing me with his talent. He squeezed my ass, his fingers clenching onto my round bubbly ass as he spat into my hole, licking it all up soon after. He went wild with his tongue, shaking his head from side to side as he wriggled his tongue inside me and around me. He licked up my entire entrance and more, like he was trying to taste every inch of me down there.

"Yeah, yea eat it, eat it Axe. Just like that," I bit my lower lip as I went on all fours.

He pushed his hands up, causing me to thrust my hips back, letting him taste the base of my balls. I continued to thrust back as his hands encouraged me to do, all the while growing harder. He buried his face between my cheeks and shook them up and down, leaving his tongue in the same spot, using my shaking body to reach different spots along my entrance.

"Fuck, my legs are numb," I groaned, unable to thrust, the pleasure so intense I couldn't move.

He spanked me again, then spat on me and watched in trickle down and on my balls, while I was moaning and begging for more.

"I have to cum!" I yelled as he neared my last bit of tolerance, my stomach swirling and my cock filling with heat. He let me fall on my back as I came on my chest, which was inflating high and deflating dramatically.

"So delicious," He cleaned my chest with his tongue.

"Emph, mph, baby," I whined, putting my arms out as he let his body gently fall on top of mine.

"I think I could fall asleep like this," He said, his whole body flying up and crashing down as my heavy stomach breathed with him on me.

"Me too," I moaned, still trying to come down from my high.

"Goodnight baby," He giggled as he hugged my sides, using my pectoral as a pillow.

"Night," I put my hands on his back and when I woke up ten hours later, we hadn't moved at all.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: SO there is the promised lemon! Hope you liked it and I hope that you enjoyed another chapter! There are 6 chapters left, and they are all pretty long, so prepare!<p>

To KidaKama: Aww, thanks! The bad reviews were for putting characters in roles that differ than the usual stereotypical roles, but I see it as a compliment that I tried something different, so whatever lol. Ah, autocorrect is a pain lol. And thanks again, I'm glad that you can visualize all the yaoi love ^_^ I shall keep writing and posting, and I hope you keep reviewing =) (thanks, Sunshine lol)

To kindofbadger: Yea, Axel seemed like he was having a lot of doubt due to his insecurities, but so far it seems to be getting a little bit better. Glad that the extra insight on Axel's past helped you to understand! Thank you for the compliment and I hope that this update came soon enough!

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: Thanks, and I'm glad that you liked it and that you found it helpful that Axel divulged information that explains some of his hesitant behavior. AWWW you are too sweet! Thank you, I really appreciate it. You are a wonderful fan ^_^

To Shadowridge: Yeah, I'm a fan of tension and drama lol, although I'm sure you've noticed. Awesome, now that you're logged in I will read it! Thank you so much! I really don't see how I helped, but I am thankful to be mentioned and glad I could help. If you need any other help, I'm here =) Thanks again.

Thank you everyone for reading and a special thanks to those reviewing! You are all awesome ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum


	13. Maybe It's Not Worth It?

"Did we sleep with the lights on?" I asked, knowing he was awake because I could feel the tinniest of kisses on my tummy.

"Yep, I wasn't going to move for anything." He left a big wet one on my stomach as I laughed.

"That tickles,"

"Really?" He asked sarcastically, since my squirming and laughing was enough proof.

"Hehe, Axe!" I whimpered, still laughing.

"Baby?" Axel sat up asked in a way that made me feel like something serious was about to be said next.

"Yeah?"

"You want this, right? You want us to last? For this to be real?" He looked so serious, like he really didn't know.

"Of course Axe. I want to be with you forever."

"Me and only me?"

"Only you." I sat up and took his hand.

"Kay," He looked away like that wasn't enough.

"What is it going to take to prove to you that I wont abandon you or leave? What will it take to prove that I will only love you?"

Axel shrugged, "I wish I knew,"

"Time? Actions? Anything?" I asked, wanting to prove that I loved him more than anything.

"I don't know Rox, I really don't. I just, I want to believe you so badly, it hurts." Axel put his hand over his heart.

"I'm sorry," I put my hand over his and was ready to cry; I could only blame myself in the end.

"I know you've changed and it's like everyone else can see it, and I can too, but there's part of me that's still so scared." Axel looked down and the sorrow on his face was enough to kill me.

"Axe, I don't want to scare you. If the risk is too much for you…then maybe it's not worth it." I couldn't believe what I was saying. I wanted to shoot myself for sounding so pathetic. Was I really willing to let him go?

"You, you mean it?" He asked like he was considering it and I got scared that perhaps I might have just lost him forever.

"I just want you to be happy. And if that means, a life without me, then so be it." I was sounding so much more confident than I was, and that scared me.

"You'd be able to forget me?" Axel asked, not necessarily sounding hurt, but curious.

"No, never. I don't think I'd be able to move on either. But I just want you to have the best life you can, cause that's what you deserve." I put my hand to his cheek and he nodded.

"Thank you."

"Yeah," I said, dropping my hand, looking away, wondering what to say or do next.

"I really do love you Roxas,"

"And I love you so much Axel. If I could go back in time, there's so much I'd do differently," I buried my face in his chest, loving the way he knew how to hold me.

"Like what?"

"I'd never cheat on you; I'd never abuse your love, I'd never make you hurt. I'm so sorry Axe, so sorry," I started sobbing, wishing he could take my words and realize how much I meant them.

"I want to believe you Rox, I really do."

"Then believe me!" I yelled, getting fed up with not being taken seriously, but at the same time, I knew I was to blame for that.

"It's not as easy as it sounds when our whole relationship you were dating me and fucking other people."

"I'm sorry. Please Axe, I've changed. I really have. I haven't been to a club, to a bar, I haven't even had a sip of alcohol since we broke up! I've been sober, trying to change all on my own and it's so hard." I broke down. For weeks now, maybe even months, I've been walking around smiling, acting like I'm a completely different person, trying to make people believe I'm nothing like I used to be. But deep down inside, I feel like I've only caged the monster I used to be, and while that's better than letting him roam free, it doesn't change the fact that he still exists.

"And I'm proud of you Roxas, but that doesn't heal all my pain of what you put me through."

"And these past few months aren't punishment enough?" I wailed, trying to get him to see how I was suffering for what I did.

"It's not about punishment Roxas,"

"Yes it is,"

"No it's not! You're making it seem like I want revenge, but I don't. You don't see me running around fucking whoever has a dick!"

Ouch. He crossed a line that back in the day, would have drove me right to that dick he mentioned. I froze. I breathed in and out the way my therapist instructed me to do in times like this.

"Roxas," Axel looked like he had already regretted his words, but I wasn't ready to talk yet, so I locked myself in the bathroom, crying, knowing that as much as his words hurt, they were true, or at least used to be.

"Roxas, please, I'm sorry."

"It's my fault Axe." I said over the sound of my tears.

"No, just come out please? Let me hold you, I'll make it better,"

"How? How can you make it better when you cant even trust me?"

Axel was quiet, I could hear him sigh. "Just give me a chance to give you a chance,"

I thought for a moment. I couldn't argue or deny that offer, so I opened the bathroom door and let him hold me as I sniffled in his arms.

"Shh, it's ok."

"I'm so sick of this shit, so fucking sick." I said, unable to take all these changes emotions.

"Me too Rox, me too." Axel ran his hand up and down my back and I moved away from him.

"Can we just decide what we're going to do, please? I thought that we were together as of last night, but its like I cant even tell anymore. Are we dating or not? I can't take this anymore." I didn't want to pressure him, especially if it was only going to drive him away, but I needed to know what my future had in store.

"I don't know Roxas. Just, just be here for me, ok?" Axel sat down, carrying me and placed me next to him on his bed.

"I'll always be here for you Axel, I love you." I put my hand over his, circling my fingers over the back of his hand, loving the slow steady smile that grew on his face.

"I love you too Roxy. Thanks, for being patient." He stood up, kissed the top of my head, and showered as I went to watch TV in the living room.

"Alright, I'll be back by dinner. Just make whatever you want," Axel waved goodbye to me as I sat on the couch.

"Where are you going?" Now that we spent so much time apart, I forgot his schedule.

"Work; I have two jobs now, remember?"

"Why?"

"Cause, they raised the rent here and I had to pay for some work on my motorcycle, so I needed the extra cash." Axel shrugged.

"Well, if you want, I can move back in, and since I'm working, you can go back to having one job." I tried to make it seem impossible to refuse.

"That, that sounds great. Still, I'd feel bad asking munny from you."

"Axe, if we're living together and eating together, it's only fair that I start paying you back for all the times you cared for me. Besides, I want to feel like I'm carrying my own weight." I changed the channel and he remained silent as he thought.

"Well, if you insist. I'll be back later. Love ya!" He blew me a kiss and I caught it, blowing one back to his smiling face, watching his hips sway as he walked out the door.

I had eight hours till Axel got off of work, so I decided to walk to our local grocery store to buy some food for dinner. It took twice as long with my bad ankle and my foot started to kill, but for Axel, it was worth it. While I was with Sora and Riku, I never spent any of my paycheck munny because I had no need to. But now, I wanted to spoil Axel, so I headed to the store to buy ingredients so I could make his favorite food. Axel loves spicy food, so I bought veggies and noodles and peppers to make some Thai food, since Axel also loves using chopsticks, but I only think it's because he likes laughing at me since I don't know how to use them . We used to fight every time he tried to teach me, but I knew this time would be different.

By the time I got home, I had six hours left till Axel would be home, so I went right to work so that way the veggies could slowly cook in a brew with the two peppers. I thought having one arm was bad, but having one leg is twice as bad. Every time I wanted to move I had to use extra caution and I slipped at least three times, nearly face planting on concrete, carpet, and tile. Five and a half hours later, Axel came home.

"You're home early." I said, stirring the pot of mixed veggies as Axel walked in the kitchen.

"Yeah, I worked overtime the other day, so I got off an hour early today." He smelled the pot as I watched.

"Oh, well, welcome back." He put a hand on the small of my back and I leaned back to kiss him.

"It looks amazing; smells even better too." Axel kept his hand on my back and I smiled.

"Thanks baby. It'll be ready soon."

"When did you get the stuff to make this?" Axel looked around the kitchen to see the paper bags of groceries that I still hadn't unpacked.

"While you were at work."

"Roxas, you know you cant move unless you need to. You're going to fuck up your foot!" Axel seemed, not angry, but…concerned.

"I'd rather fuck up my ankle than my relationship with you." I looked away. Ok it was cheesy, but it was true.

Axel sighed as if he were amused. "I appreciate it. Really, I do. From now on, be more careful though, ok?" I nodded and he smiled. "I'm going to get settled in."

He left to shower while I finished cooking dinner.

"You ready to eat?" I asked as he roamed the house in his boxers like he usually did.

"Hell yea!" He was sitting at the table, waiting for his plate, chopsticks in hand as I set his food before him. Working at that restaurant taught me how to balance food, even with my bad ankle.

"Whoo, damn this is hot!" Axel sprang for his glass of water and I got too scared to try it.

"Is it that bad?"

"No, it's that great!" Axel offered me some on his chopsticks and after one bite, I ran to the kitchen sink, continuously splashing cold water in my mouth.

"You alright?" Axel asked, standing behind me. I nodded, eyes crying as I tried not to choke over my dangling tongue desperate for the coolness of air.

"Maybe you should stick to more boring foods," Axel laughed and I coughed over my own laugh.

"Don mak me waf!" I put my hand on my tongue, trying to cool it down and Axel cracked up at the sight and sound of my stupidity.

"Quid did!" I tried to tell him to stop, but I too was laughing too hard.

"I'm sorry, you just sound so ridiculous!" Axel grabbed his stomach and I grabbed the sink hose and sprayed him.

"Fuck! That's cold!" Axel wrestled with me for it and after we each sprayed each other till we were soaking, I slipped. In an attempt to catch me, Axel fell first and I landed on him.

"Oof!" Axel grunted as I crashed on his stomach.

"Sorry." I slowly sat up.

"It's fine." Axel sighed and then slowly smiled. "Is your tongue better?" He asked, trying to hold back his laugh.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I huffed, sitting down at the table, taken by surprise when he joined me and put his arms around me.

"Thank you for dinner."

"Of course." I smiled and he smiled back.

He reached in for a kiss but I shoved his chest away.

"No! You have spiciness on your breath!" I struggled as he fought back, laughing even as we fell to the floor since our bodies were so slippery. Once he was sure that my ankle was fine, Axel went back to attacking me.

"Kissy kissy." Axel tried to pin me down as we both laughed and wriggled for our own versions of victory.

"Axe! I can feel the heat searing off your tongue already." I moved my face as he stuck his tongue out at me, pinning me to the ground.

"It's like a completely different you Roxas." He smiled and I blushed. He sat up and I did as well.

"That's good, right?" I couldn't have asked a dumber question. He hated the old me; everyone did.

"Yeah, I love this new you so much." Axel kissed my nose.

"It's who you deserve Axe. I really am trying hard to be the boyfriend you deserve." I leaned my head on his shoulder and he nodded.

"I know Roxas."

"Cant we just get back together without anymore questions then? Please? Just give me one more chance; just one, that's all I'm asking for." I begged, wanting so badly to know that I was his again.

"And if it doesn't work?"

"It will, I swear!" I clutched his hair by his shoulders as if I were threatening him.

"You promise?"

"I promise!"

"Alright then, I'm willing if you are." Axel took my hands in his.

"Really?" I got all excited as Axel smiled.

"Yeah. I love you baby."

"I love you too!" I put my arms around him and he kissed my neck. It's official. We're back.

"I'm glad to have my Roxy back." Axel kissed my lips and I pulled back in more excitement and mild pain.

"Spicy!"

"Well, I cant help being so sexy." Axel winked and I pushed his chest before I pulled it closer to me.

"I love you." I rested my head on his shoulder, loving how soothing and soft his touch is on my back.

"I cant wait to call you my boyfriend in public again." Axel smiled and I couldn't hide my smile. He really is so thoughtful and knows what to say to cheer me up.

"So tomorrow, for your birthday, we can have some birthday sex." I put my hands on his hips and Axel smiled.

"I cant wait. Damn I cant believe I'll be twenty three."

"Me either. What do you want to do? Besides the birthday sex of course." I blushed and Axel took my hand and took us to the couch.

"Well Reno wants to take me out to a club, but I don't know. I want to spend time with my boyfriend." Axel smiled at me and I shrugged.

"Why don't we go?"

"When's the last time you've been to a club Rox? You sure you can stay away from alcohol?"

I nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Alright, well I think he wanted to go tonight."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I wished I'd known sooner, just because I wanted him to have the best birthday ever.

"I didn't plan on going. But I'll text Reno and we can meet him and Rude there."

I got ready in the bathroom while Axel got ready in his room and when I walked out to find a shirt, I stood speechless. Axel was wearing tight black pants that hugged his ass, a tight fitted black shirt that showed off his curves, and a loose red tie for the hell of it. I looked down to my skinny jeans and wondered if I should change.

"Roxy I love your body, but you might want a shirt." Axel smiled sarcastically and I rolled my eyes as I picked out a dark green V-neck.

"I'm ready."

"You're sexy." Axel said as he out his hands in my butt pockets.

"You too baby." I put my palms on his chest as he texted Reno that we were leaving his place.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: OMG YAY! They are back together! It's official! So prepare for the next chapter, where there will be more drama .<p>

To RikuMewKira: I do love lemons, so yes, yay for lemons! Haha, hey you have to read when you have to read, and if that means 6 am, go for it! I posted this one earlier so hopefully it helped. I actually tried to post yesterdays early too, but my laptop's internet was sucky and wouldn't let me But waking up to a lemon is awesome! So glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing!

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: Well now they are officially back, titles and all! Aww, I'm so glad you like my Roxy hehe ^_^ Oh yea, I'm pretty sure they both enjoyed that lemon ;) Thanks! Please spread the word and I totally appreciate it! Awww, more compliments! You're too kind! Thanks, it's your reviews and feedback that encourage me to post as much and as often as I do, seriously =)

To Kidkama: A perfect grade? I feel so honored! Thank you sunshine!

To kindofbadger: *claps hands cause you clapped*. Hahaha, well I think they each got plenty ;) It's ok, when I watch movies, I look for errors that the editors failed to catch. I'm way too hyper observant. Yet, I'm too lazy to edit my own stories . Oh well :P Thanks for reviewing!

Thank you everyone for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	14. This Time, It Wasnt Me

When we got to the club, I immediately saw a problem. The person working at the door was none other than Luxord, the one who I ran to when Axel dumped me and the one who took it too far. Thankfully Axel wouldn't know him, but I hoped that Luxord forgot about me. Sadly, he didn't.

"Oye, I know you." Luxord put his hand on my chest and I gulped.

"You do?"

"Little blonde boy who begged me to fuck him, then yelled at me when I did."

I swallowed hard. Axel turned to me and I turned red.

"That was a long time ago."

"Thank god. I haven't fucked a pussy since."

"Shut up and let me through!" I shouted and Luxord bent down low to be eye level with me.

"Gladly." Luxord moved and I rushed through as Axel tugged on my hand.

"Who's your friend?" Axel folded his arms and I sighed.

"It was when you first dumped me, ok?"

"Wait, he's the one who raped you?" Axel turned back around and I pulled on his arm.

"No Axe!"

"He did, didn't he? He's the reason why we found you crying? That fucking little,"

"Axe stop! Please, lets just celebrate you birthday and find Reno, please?" I begged and Axel sighed.

"He should be here already."

Axel was right. We found Reno easily, since he's super tall and has a long red ponytail.

"Happy almost birthday!" Reno shouted and gave Axel a hug.

"Thanks." Axel hugged Rude as well, and before we knew it, Demyx and Xigbar were there as well.

"So you two are officially back together eh?" Xigbar asked and Axel nodded.

"Yep. This time we're going to make it work."

"Congrats." Demyx smiled and I smiled back.

"Thanks."

"Alright now, let's get hammered!" Reno shouted and everyone cheered as we made our way to the bar.

They were all drinking and getting pretty wasted as I sat there bored, since Axel said I wasn't allowed to have anything to drink. Thankfully Sora and Riku showed up, and although Riku joined them in their drinking, Sora stayed sober with me.

"Wait wait wait wait! Axe, I got it!" Demyx slurred as he and Axel sat next to me at the bar.

"Yea? Wha is it?" Axel slurred back and I rolled my eyes.

"Hey! I want twenty two shots, right here!" Demyx ordered from the bar-tender, who gave a look of caution before serving them.

"Eleven for me, eleven for you, twenty two for us. Happy birthday buddy." Demyx toasted as he and Axel raced down eleven shots of some weird smelling drink. I shook my head as I watched; Axel is turning twenty three, not twenty two, but I guess when you're drunk, it's all the same. Riku disapproved as well as he ordered some fruit drink that only had a small bit of alcohol that he let Sora take a few sips of.

"Come on, let's dance." Riku took Sora's hand and took him on the floor where everyone was grinding and dancing to some loud techno music. Colorful lights went on and off on the first level as I watched from the second story, still sitting at the bar, bored since Axel was too drunk to care.

"Hey Demy, watch this." Axel hiccupped once they finished. He took out his chapstick and slowly applied it as Demyx watched. When he finished, he shouted, "Ta-da!"

"That was awesome!" Demyx yelled and I rolled my eyes with a loud sigh.

"Demyx, I think you've had enough." Xigbar moved Demyx's drink away from him. Of everyone there, Rude and Xigbar were the biggest and the least drunk. Riku was enjoying his drink but at least was able to control it. Sora doesn't need to get drunk to act like it when there is loud music and bright lights. As for me, I only wished I was drunk.

"Xiggy, dance with me!" Demyx ran down the stairs and Xigbar chased after him as I sat with Axel still.

While Axel was watching everyone dance, chatting with an also drunk-off-his-ass Reno, I ordered a shot and downed it quick.

I know I promised to stay sober, but I wanted to have fun too.

"Rude, make me horny." Reno begged loudly and I wanted to puke just listening to them make out and grope each other. I don't know how Axel did it, since Reno is his own brother.

"Roxy baby, wanta dance?" Axel asked and I nodded, since I was already as bored as could be.

He stood up and nearly tripped, so I helped him walk down the stairs and onto the dance floor, where he stood between me and Demyx.

He grinded into me for a while before backing his ass up into Demyx, who did the same even though Xigbar and I shrugged at each other, figuring that since it was nearly Axel's birthday, and since they were drunk, we could excuse it.

"Axe? Axe?" I called his name, feeling tired and just wanting to go home.

"Axe, my ankle hurts!" I shouted, but he was either ignoring me or couldn't hear me.

"I'm going to sit down, my ankle hurts!" I yelled once more. I accepted that Axel wasn't even paying attention to me, so I huffed as I went back upstairs to order another drink.

"Should you be drinking that?" Rude asked out of nowhere and I sighed.

"I don't want to be the only sober one."

"What about your brother."

"His boyfriend isn't wasted like mine." I grunted and Rude nodded.

"Take it easy. Reno said that he heard you don't take your alcohol well."

"I'll be fine." I said as I ordered another drink and rushed it down.

"Rude! Let's sneak a quickie in the bathroom, please?" Reno tugged and Reno's arm.

"I'll be back." Rude said as he followed Reno and I caught Reno winking at me before the closed the bathroom door.

Sora and Riku weren't on the dance floor, but were making out on some couch. Xigbar left too and I didn't even bother trying to figure out where. Axel and Demyx were dancing wildly and I couldn't bother to watch anymore.

I was all alone sitting at the bar, going for my fourth drink when I felt a rough hand on my shoulder.

"Where's your pretty little red head friend?" Luxord sat next to me and I snarled.

"My boyfriend is dancing."

"Boyfriend? Well, it doesn't look like it." Luxord turned around and I did as well, watching Axel dance rather inappropriately with Demyx.

"It's his birthday." I said and Luxord laughed.

"Well then he wont mind if I borrow his little toy now will he?" Luxord leaned in close but I backed up on my stool.

"Get away!" I swatted his hand as it neared my face.

"Shut your fucking mouth kid. You may have been a pain in the ass to fuck, but you owe me." Luxord stood up over me but I stood up as well.

"You wish!" I started to walk away when I felt him grab the back of my shirt and yank me to his side.

"Shut up!" He yelled and I kicked and screamed as he dragged me into a backroom for employee's only.

As he pulled me away, I yelled for Axel, even though I knew he wouldn't be able to hear me over the booming music.

"Pants. Off." He shut the door behind us.

"No!" I yelled after he threw me on the floor.

"I'm not going to ask again kid! Take them off or I'll have my buddies and I take care of that pretty redhead." He shut the door behind him and I gulped.

"If you touch my boyfriend I'll kill you!" I shouted, knowing that threats coming from me probably didn't mean as much as they did coming from Luxord.

"HA! Don't make me laugh. Either you cooperate, or I'll get what I need by force. And if I have to use force, you can bet that tight little ass of yours that I will get it from your boyfriend too."

I swallowed, unsure of what to do. "Please, stop." I blinked, realizing that I was getting scared and emotional from it. I've seen the other security guards here, and some of them make Luxord look small.

"Pants!" Luxord reminded me, and seeing no way out of it, I took them off. I figured that Axel was beyond drunk, so maybe if I just took it, I could hide it and Axel would never know. It's not like I wanted it, so I wouldn't be cheating on him, right?

Before I had time to think about it, Luxord was inside me and I was muffling my cries. He was still fully clothed, and my pants and boxers were pulled down, but he quickly forced himself in and out as I held back tears.

It was painful. He had one hand grabbing my hair forcefully, tugging on it as he squeezed my thigh in his other, entering me roughly over and over again.

Every time I cried out or squirmed, he punched my back and it only made me more desperate to leave.

After five minutes, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Get out!" I yelled and he roughly slapped my ass.

"Fine." Luxord pulled out and turned me around, shoved himself in my mouth, and came. I choked as I tried to spit it up, but he punched my eye because of it.

"Ah!" I wiped the cum off my face, pulled up my pants, and ran out of that room, desperate to get back to someone I knew. My ankle was killing me and I was half limping as I looked for any familiar face I could find.

"Hey, you ok?" I felt a hand on me and when I turned to punch whoever was touching me, Rude was holding onto me. For some reason, I broke down. I fell into his arms, sniffling as he put an arm around me.

"What's wrong?" Rude asked and I looked up to him. "Who hit you?" He asked and I put a hand to my eye, feeling the swollen tender skin. "Roxas, what happened?" he asked again and I gulped.

"Luxord hit me." I wiped a tear away and then saw red coming my way.

"Whoa, Roxy?" Reno was blinking as if he were sobering up.

"Someone hit him." Rude explained and I sniffled.

"Did he touch you?" Reno asked and I nodded.

"You've got shit on your face." Rude pointed to my face, but before I knew it, Axel was coming with Demyx.

"Hey Roxy, why is your eye all puffy?" Axel pointed to my face and I sniffled.

"Axe, he's crying." Demyx stated the obvious and Axel's eyes widened.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said and Axel leaned in close.

"You smell like cum. Why do you smell like cum?" Axel fisted his hands and I gulped.

"I can explain," I started but was interrupted.

"Because I just fucked him." I turned to see Luxord and I freaked out, grabbing back onto Rude, since he's the strongest of the group.

"You what?" Axel looked to me and I cried.

"Axe, I didn't want it, I swear!" Tears ruined my vision as I sobbed.

"You know what? Fuck you! Yeah, fuck you!" Axel screamed, slapped my face, and stormed off as I stood there crying. I wanted to ask myself what the fuck just happened, but it all went too fast.

"Reno, take him home." Rude pushed me into Reno's now sobering arms as I sniffled. I turned to see Rude giving Luxord a black eye and bloody nose while Xigbar held him down. Demyx ran off after Axel, and I couldn't find Sora or Riku even as Reno dragged me and my hurting ankle out of the club.

My cries were like a little kid, whimpering instead of breathing, crying instead of blinking, and trembling with each step. Reno drove me to his house and walked me into his bedroom, which I guessed that he shared with Rude. I don't know how well Reno could handle his alcohol, but his driving was decent and when we got to his house, he acted like he was perfectly ok.

"Shh, Roxas, calm down." Reno chanted as he rubbed my back as I sat, shaking on his bed. I was a wreck. Not only was I raped, but then Axel slapped me and didn't believe me. I felt like shit as I buried my face in my hands.

"He ha-ha-hates me." I blubbered and Reno shook his head.

"He's drunk and confused. To be honest, I don't know how I drove us home." Reno laughed, trying to cheer me up, but it didn't work. "Don't worry, Rude will tell him the truth and I'll talk to him tomorrow. Just give him some time to calm down and sober up, alright?"

"Kay." I wiped my eyes and blew my nose on a tissue Reno extended me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Reno asked and I shook my head.

"I want my A-A-Axel." I bawled.

"I know. Just give him some time." Reno kissed my temple.

"I'm so m-m-mad." I could feel my face turning red, flushed with anger and sorrow and confusion.

"Why? Talk to me." Reno said calmly.

"Cause A-Axel ha-hates me and I'm hurt!" I screamed, crying harder.

"Well why don't you rest up and when he's ready, you two can talk?"

"I didn't even deserve it this time." I wiped my constantly leaking eyes. "It always used to be my fault. But this time it wasn't me. I didn't do anything wrong!" I shouted. "I didn't do anything!"

"I know Roxas. You did good. Just try to calm down, ok?"

"My ass hurts." I said, not able to think properly enough to respond to his question.

"Go to bed. I'll be in soon." Reno instructed and he gave me a T-shirt and some basketball shorts to wear to sleep in. I curled up in his bed and he turned on a movie for me so that I could fall asleep to it.

"Hey Rude, no, he's falling asleep." I could hear Reno stand outside the room on the phone. "Yeah the poor guy. He's still crying I think. Just tell Axel to sober up and that I'll talk to him tomorrow. Did you beat up that blonde? Really? Alright, well don't get yourself arrested ok? Thanks by the way. I love you too. See you soon. Night." Reno hung up and slipped into the room as my eyes struggled to stay open.

"Time for bed Roxas." Reno got into bed with me and to my own surprise, he put his arms around me.

"Why?" I sniffled and Reno seemed to have known what I was asking.

"You need to be held Roxas. I can see it on your face. You just want to be held." Reno rubbed my back and for some reason, I started crying all over. How did he know?

"I want my A-A-Axel." I shivered as I sobbed.

"I know. Soon. Just take a quick nap and when you wake up, you two can talk ok?" Reno comforted me and I held onto him with all I had, even as Rude came home.

My eyes were closed shut and I probably looked dead asleep.

"He asleep?" Rude asked.

"Yeah. God I feel so bad for him. He looks so scared, even in his sleep." Reno was sitting up by my side, but I still had an arm around his leg for safety.

"He knows that you're not Axel, right?" Rude huffed and Reno chuckled.

"Rude, he needs us. You should have seen him when I drove home; he looked like he was about to pass out."

"Maybe it's your driving." Rude sighed.

"Oh hush you. Considering all the drinks I had, I'm surprised I'm not as shit-faced as Axel."

"He's in pretty bad shape. He's staying with Riku and Sora since he started puking over at the club."

"Yeah, Axel never had a problem with beer, but he cant hold a shot down to save his life."

"Well he and that blonde friend of his took eleven. Each." Rude said and I could feel Reno shake his head.

"Dumbass. I just hope he's able to hear Roxas out tomorrow. Roxas looked so scared. Look at him; he still does." Reno fingered my hair as I shook. For some reason, I couldn't stop shaking, not since we left the club.

"Lets just go to bed." Rude got inside the blankets so that I was in the middle.

"Night Rude. I love you baby." Reno blew a kiss and Rude sighed.

"How am I supposed to sleep knowing that he's holding onto you?"

"Rude, I told you, he needs us." Reno laid down next to me and put his arms around me.

"I swear, if he tries to kiss you, he's sleeping on the couch."

"Rude! Don't be rude!" Reno defended me and I wondered how often he's said that.

"I don't care if he says that he thought you were Axel." Rude said and Reno grumbled.

"He's sad and scared Rude, just try to help him sleep." Reno rubbed my back as I shivered.

"Does he stop moving?" Rude complained and I felt bad. I was barely awake, but I was starting to drift off.

"He's scared." Reno whispered.

"OF what?" Rude whispered back harshly.

"He's probably having a nightmare." Reno sympathized.

"Wait! Where's his other hand?" Rude asked. I had one hand by my chest and the other….on Reno's back for comfort.

"He's just holding on casually." Reno shrugged.

"Casually?" Rude fidgeted and I, feeling more asleep than awake, started to panic.

"Ah!" I screamed, eyes closed, seeing Luxord, seeing my dad, seeing Axel frown at me in my dream.

"Rude stay still!" I could hear Reno's voice even as I saw these frightening images.

"Sorry." Rude said and I whimpered as I held onto Reno.

"Snuggle up to his back." Reno said.

"Why?"

"Cause he's cold, his skin is freezing." Reno shivered as well.

"Where are you touching him?" Rude sat up.

"His legs are bumping into mine. Quit assuming shit. You know you're the only dick I want to suck." Reno flirted and I tried to fall completely asleep before it got worse.

"Hmph. I better be." Rude said as he moved up against my back.

"Mmph." I whimpered. I moved one hand to Reno's shoulder and reached behind me, grabbing Rude's hand and squeezing.

"Awww, he's so cute." Reno whispered with excitement.

"He did seem really scared back there." Rude sighed.

"Poor little guy." Reno held me tighter.

"Just don't get too cozy with him." Rude said.

"Hey Rude, let's adopt him." Reno laughed.

"Psh, you couldn't raise a kid to save your life."

"I could too! Look, he loves me already."

"I told you, he probably thinks you're Axel. You two look like twins."

"His eyes are closed."

"Your body types are similar." Rude let go of my hand to pull me away from Reno.

"NO!" I screamed and then broke into yelling sobs; my physical body was practically asleep but I could still hear, as if I was dreaming and watching.

"Rude!" Reno yelled and pulled me back as I snuffled. "Shh, it's ok Roxy. Go to bed. Shhh, calm down." Reno rubbed my back and I whimpered loudly.

"Sorry." Rude said.

"He needs us Rude. He needs someone to hold him and to listen." Reno said, his voice calm and serious.

"Shh, it's ok kid. Reno and I will protect you." Rude put a hand on my arm as I snuggled between their two bodies, my lower lip shaking.

"Hey Rude," Reno started, his voice sounding tired. Sad, yet content.

"Yeah?" Rude asked.

"It's kind of nice, to hold him like a baby." Reno rested his chin on my head.

"You want one, don't you?" Rude asked sweetly as he moved even closer to me.

"Yeah. I do." Reno said as he squeezed my trembling body. I couldn't help but squeeze back. There was something familiar about his body as I drifted off to sleep holding him.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Awwww, Reno is just TOO adorable! Ok, sorry, I had to write that for myself because I absolutely LOVE Rude X Reno, so there is their little moment. If I was writing this 3rd person, they'd have more, but since I have to write as Roxas, I'm a bit limited. Anyway, UH-OH! Axel and Roxas, back to the same old drama, and this time Roxas isn't to blame. Hmmm, I wonder what will happen next….<p>

To KidKama: OMG I'm so jealous I wish I knew how to draw! PLEASE post it if you can (deviant art is a great source if you can) or if you have a skype you can send the file to me (if you want my account name just let me know). If you post it somewhere on line, I will post the link on my profile and credit you ^_^ I would LOVE to see it =) Oh and here's your Luxord for you lol!

To Salvi: Yeah…you called it .

To kindofbadger: I'm sorry I keep frustrating you! I bet this chapter was torture then . hahaha yes, I am addicted to angst and tension and drama, but I hope I don't disappoint you! I want you to be hooked, but not upset . Hahaha, yea, when I write I have my "oh noes!" moments too. Hahaha, sick, but not completely, I get ya! Thank you! I love that you love the story ^_^

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: Awww, I'm glad that you can see all the hard work Roxas is doing to be there for Axel, and this chapter may have been a step backward, but there are still four more chapters left! I used to love spicy food, but when I went to Thailand and ate a raw red pepper with nothing else…..well now I wont go near spicy food. But since Axel is a pyro, I can picture him liking spicy foods. So now you know what happened at the club, but don't lose hope. Sweet moments may not be "here" but they are on their way! Awwwwww…I don't know what to say! You're making me blush lol. Thanks, I seriously appreciate it more than you know. Thank you for being a great fan who encourages me to post daily and to write as best I can. You're amazing!

To Shadowridge: Yes, I have played the sims, but not in years. I used to play back in the day when it first came out and I thought it was very addictive! The reason why I don't play anymore is because I know I will get addicted again and with college plus fanfiction plus actually playing KH (1 and 2 and CoM) I don't have time for anything. Haha go eat! When college starts up again after break, I wont have time for anything! I doubt I'll eat or sleep, I'm taking like 3 extra classes to graduate early….it's torture lol

Thank you everyone for reading and a special thanks to my reviewers! You are all amazing and encourage me to post daily!

Heart, Sarabellum


	15. Back to Loving Each Other

I woke up the next morning, my head slightly buzzing, and I noticed that I was still sleeping in between Rude and Reno. I smiled as I snuggled into the warmth that the two provided. Rude was awake and snuggled closer to me, which I found funny since he looks pretty intimidating, and Reno mumbled in his sleep.

"You ok kid?" Rude asked and I nodded as I turned to face him.

"Better. Thanks."

"Yeah." Rude rolled on his back and sighed before he got out, his white T-shirt hugging his broad chest.

"Rude!" Reno whined when Rude dragged the blankets off with him.

"Hm?"

"Cold." Reno mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Get up." Rude kissed Reno's lips and left the room while Reno sighed.

"Guess it's time to rise and shine, right blondie?" Reno stood up and I got up as well. "How'd you sleep?"

"Comfortable. Thanks for taking me."

"No problem. I found your twin too and let him know, so he wouldn't worry."

"Thanks. Sora must have really appreciated it."

"He seemed thankful. Anyway, Axel's probably really hung over. Lord knows I am." Reno sighed as he put a hand to his head. "Rude!" He yelled and Rude came back in black pants and a different white shirt.

"What?" Rude came in the bedroom.

"My head hurts. Give me an aspirin?"

"Sure." Rude left and came back with some pills and water. "Do you want some?" Rude asked me and I nodded.

"Thanks."

"Alright, I'm going to go talk to Axe; stay here alright?" Reno got up and tripped, lucky that Rude caught him.

"I'll drive." Rude rolled his eyes.

"Yea yea, whatever." Reno rolled his eyes

"Maybe you should stay, with me?" I suggested. I hardly remembered the conversation that Reno and Rude had last night in bed, but I feel a connection to Reno that I cant describe.

"That's probably a good idea." Rude said and Reno nodded.

"I'll be back." Rude left as Reno and I sat on the couch and watched TV with nothing better to do.

"How are you feeling?" Reno asked and I scooted over to him.

"Hurt." I said.

"Want to talk about it?" Reno offered to listen and I shrugged.

"I feel so bad for what happened last night, but I know it's not my fault. And I'm hurt. My head hurts, my ass hurts, and my chest hurts." I put my hand over my heart.

"Come here." Reno held out an arm and I moved into it. "You need to know that you didn't do anything wrong last night. What happened to you never should have happened, and you didn't deserve what Axel said or did either." Reno rubbed my arm and I nodded.

"Thanks Reno. You really do help me when no one else can." I smiled.

"Thanks kid. I want Axel to be happy, but I know that he has a tendency to jump to conclusions and assume the worst in people. From the moment I met you, I could tell that you were harmless. You just wanted someone to care for you and notice you." Reno said and it got me thinking.

"I guess I want that. My mom hated me, my dad used me, and all along, I wondered if I was ever worth keeping. Axel didn't deserve what I did to him, but I just needed to find a source to show me that I meant something." I looked away. "I shouldn't have gone to so many different people to find it, but I know that now."

"Better late than never Roxy. Don't worry, Axel cant possibly believe that you cheated on him when we all know that you didn't. Don't let his drunk irrationality ruin your relationship. We all deserve second chances." Reno shrugged and I nodded.

"If he so easily gave them to me, then I should be willing to give them to him."

"That's the spirit Rox." Reno smiled.

"Reno, thanks." I wanted to say more, but couldn't think of how to say it.

"Don't mention it." Reno looked away, content.

"Reno?" I wanted to tell him that he'd make a great dad, but would I sound weird?

"Yea?"

"I think you'd make a great mentor, or dad even." I said shyly.

Reno chuckled. "Thanks little man. To be honest, I almost felt responsible for you last night. It was nice to try to help you. I felt, accomplished." Reno smiled.

"You helped me, and when I needed it most."

"You just looked so scared. I couldn't leave you." Reno admitted.

"Thanks." I kissed Reno's cheek. "I've never had parents that I could look up to…or even tolerate. But I feel like I can look up to you and Rude, and that means a lot to me."

"Glad to hear it." Reno pulled me into a hug and kissed my temple.

"I wish you were my dad." I sniffled, thinking of how much better life would have been if I had someone as caring as Reno to raise me.

"I wish I could have been there for you back then. But if I was your dad, dating Axe would be illegal." Reno laughed and I smiled.

"True. Still, it felt so nice to be held by you and Rude last night." I confessed.

"It felt nice to hold you."

"I wish I had you to raise me." I huddled closer to Reno.

"I'm sorry kid. I wish I could have helped."

"Last night, as I laid between you and Rude, I felt safe." I smiled shyly.

"Oh Roxas." Reno squeezed me and ran his fingers in my hair. "Just remember, Axel loves you." Reno stood up to get something to drink as Rude and Axel came inside.

"Just get inside." That was Rude's voice, and I perked my head up when Axel lazily stumbled in.

"Roxas," Axel sighed with a small smile as he walked into the living room.

"You've got a lot of nerve to come in here smiling." Reno stood up.

"Look, I'm really sorry." Axel apologized to all of us.

"You ran away and left your poor victimized boyfriend all alone!" Reno yelled and I gulped.

"I know." Axel said weakly, his throat hoarse.

"He was raped, beaten, and slapped just because you had a little too much to drink. Do you have any idea what you put him through last night?" Reno continued to interrogate Axel.

"I'm sorry." Axel repeated but Reno ignored him.

"Roxas was crying his eyes out, hurt, upset, and sad all night long. All while you puked up your stupidity. I held him last night as he trembled and shook, crying out for you. But where were you Axe? Huh? Where were you?" Reno yelled and Axel started crying.

"I'm so sorry." Axel put his face in his hands and I stood up, putting a hand on Reno's arm.

"Reno, it's ok." I said and Reno rolled his eyes.

"You owe him the biggest apology of your life, so you better get started on it." Reno huffed as he went into the kitchen.

"You two can go in our room if you want." Rude said and I nodded.

"Ok." I started walking, hoping that Axel would follow; and he did follow, slowly with his hands wiping away his tears. We went inside the bedroom and Axel shut the door.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you Roxas." Axel looked like he had been up all night puking, but I didn't care.

"It's ok. You do believe me, right?" I asked desperately and Axel nodded.

"I was way too drunk. I'm sorry." He looked so tired and I kissed his cheek.

"It's fine. Happy birthday."

Axel smiled at me. "Thank you for being so understanding. You so wonderful." Axel's eyes were heavy, but he kissed the cheek that he slapped last night, extra soft. "I love you Roxy." He put his arms around me and I put my head on his chest.

"I love you too."

We both sat on the bed, silently sitting next to each other.

"Roxas?" Axel didn't look at me.

"Yeah?"

"You're not mad, are you? I wouldn't blame you if you are, but I don't want you to be mad at me." Axel sniffled and I looked away.

"I'm not mad Axe. I'm hurt, but I'm not mad." I answered quietly.

"Please, forgive me?" Axel scooted as close to me as he could, our thighs touching.

"I forgive you Axel. I just need you to trust me, please? It hurt so bad to know that you didn't trust me."

"I do trust you Rox. I just, last night, I wasn't in the right mind. I know it's no excuse, and I'm so sorry. But I do trust you. You have to know that."

"Thanks." I smiled cheaply.

"He needs sleep. Do you two want to stay in here?" Reno and Rude walked in and I smiled.

"Is that ok?"

"Yea Rude and I have work. Get some rest, but treat each other right, you hear? I don't want to come back to have to separate you two. We'll make dinner when we get back." Reno waved and Rude huffed under his breath.

"You mean I'll make dinner."

"Oh hush." Reno scoffed when they left.

"My poor Roxy." Axel stroked my cheek and I gave a cheap smile.

"I'm fine."

"You were raped baby. And I hit you. I'm so sorry." Axel put his forehead on my shoulder and sniffled. "I'm sorry Roxy. I swear to god, if I see that bastard again, I'm guna kick his sorry ass." Axel looked me in the eye and I smiled.

"I think Rude took care of him."

"I only regret that I was too drunk to do it myself."

"Well it was for your birthday. Next time, we'll just watch how much we drink."

"Next time we'll stay home and snuggle." Axel cuddled up to me. "Hold me baby?" He asked and I smiled as I situated us in Reno's bed.

"Ok Axe." I kissed his temple.

"Mmm, I love my baby. You're so sweet and kind, mmm, so soft." Axel ran his hand up and down my side over Reno's shirt.

"Axe, we're in your brothers bed!" I reminded Axel, who stuck his tongue out.

"When I finish sobering up, we'll go back to my place and fuck ok?"

I hesitated. "I don't mind cuddling." I said quietly and Axel opened his eyes and looked up to me.

"You sure you're ok?"

I bit my lip before I continued. "My ass still hurts. And I don't want anything inside me. Sorry."

Axel sat up. "Don't apologize. If you don't want sex, that's perfectly fine. I don't want to hurt you anymore, ok?" Axel put his arms around me and I melted in his touch.

"I just hate being forced. And I hated feeling like I was cheating on you, but I swear Axe, I didn't want it." I sniffled and Axel nodded.

"I know babe, I know. Just relax. No ones going to touch you, ok? Just me. I'm going to take care of you." Axel fell asleep as I watched over him, and when he was deep asleep and completely out of it, I got up and ran all the way to his house, where I had his birthday present. It wasn't too smart with my still sore ankle, but I wanted to see Axel open his gift to cheer him up and lighten the mood for all of us.

I came back to Reno's house, opening to door to see Axel running around with a phone to his ear.

"Holy fucking shit! He's back! Ok, ok no worries. Thanks. I will. Bye Sora." Axel hung up and shook his head, panting.

"You called Sora?" I asked.

"Where the fuck did you go? Why didn't you leave a note? What were you thinking?" Axel shouted and I shrugged, scared of his angry voice.

"I went to get your birthday present and you were asleep."

"I woke up to see my boyfriend gone and nowhere to be found and the first thing I think is that that dumbass came and somehow got you. I was about to call the police Rox!" Axel put a hand to his head and I looked away.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to surprise you."

"You gave me a heart-attack. I was so scared." I looked up and saw that axel's eyes were watering. "Don't you ever do that again." He sniffled and I nodded as I put my chest against his body.

"I'm sorry."

"I love you Roxas. I don't want to think about you getting kidnapped or raped or hurt. I love you." He squeezed me and I squeezed back.

"I love you too Axe. Do, do you want to open it?"

Axel sighed to relax himself and nodded. "I'd love to."

I handed him his gift and watched as he dug into the red bag with green wrapping paper.

"I swear you're addicted to Christmas colors."

"No, just you." I smiled and Axel smiled back.

"I love you baby." He gently kissed my lips as he pulled out his gift, a black and red checkered scarf for the cold winter ahead.

"Do you like it?"

He smiled so sweetly. "I love it. Thank you." Axel put it around his neck and pulled me into a hug. Then he wrapped it around my neck, using it to bring us closer together.

"You're welcome. Maybe when I'm ready, we can use that for your birthday sex."

Axel raised a curious eyebrow. "Ooh, bondage? I'm in." Axel gave my lips a small peck and I smiled.

"How's your head?"

"Better. Clearer, now that I know that we're back to where we should be. Back to loving each other."

"I never stopped." I said and Axel looked away.

"We're never on the same page Roxas. We need to work on our communication if this is going to last. I know last night was my fault, but really, could you blame me?" He undid the scarf that held us together.

I really wish he hadn't asked that. I shrugged.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. I just, I just want us to have a normal relationship. I don't think that's too much to ask for, is it?"

I shook my head. "It's not."

"Then why cant we? Why cant we have a relationship like Reno's? Or Sora's?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, hurt, feeling absolutely shitty and wondering how Axel felt since it was his birthday.

"I just want to go a month without any major fights, any misunderstandings, any breakups."

"We can. Let's just enjoy your birthday, please?" I wanted so badly to change the subject, and Axel nodded.

"Alright. I'm sorry Rox, cheer up ok? I love your gift, a lot." Axel smiled and I did too.

"I'm glad. There's more, but we should wait till we're at your place alone." I smirked and Axel winked.

"I cant wait baby. Come on, hugs." Axel hugged me and I squeezed back just in time as Reno and Rude came back.

"We're back!" Reno announced as he and Rude came back in. Axel and I were on their couch just watching TV in each other's arms.

"Axe, how's your head?" Reno asked.

"If I take aspirin every four hours, I'll be ok." Axel shrugged.

"Good. I cant believe that you took eleven shots. You could have killed yourself." Reno shook his head.

"Nah, they weren't that strong. Besides, you seemed pretty wasted too."

"It was all an act to enjoy the moment." Reno scoffed. "You know I don't get drunk that easily."

Rude shook his head. "But you have no problem acting like it, even in public."

"Oh you know you like the fake drunk sex!" Reno put his hands on his hips and Rude smirked back.

"Dinner will be ready in a couple hours." Rude said as he made his way to the kitchen.

"You two doing ok?" Reno asked and I nodded. "Worked everything out?" He asked and again I nodded.

"Now we know that we should both stay away from getting hammered." Axel said and I smiled softly, still tired and for some reason, my heart started to feel heavy. Almost as if something was wrong or was going to be wrong, even though I couldn't really pin it down.

"As long as you two are treating each other the way you should, it'll be all good." Reno plopped down on the couch next to Axel as he changed the channel.

"That wont be a problem, will it Roxy?" Axel kissed my cheek and I smiled. Slowly I felt something tickle my bare skin and when I felt Axel's hand creep down my underwear and on my side, I flinched.

"No!" I shouted, pushing Axel away as I stood up.

"Roxas? What's wrong?" Axel stood up too but I backed up into the wall.

"I don't want to be touched." I started to sniffle and for some reason, I felt scared. I started panting and when Axel took another step forward I fell to my knees.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed and Reno stood up as well.

"Roxas, calm down. What's wrong?"

"What did you do to him?" Rude came out of the kitchen but Axel could only guess.

"I didn't do anything. I just put my hand on his side and he flipped out."

"Roxas?" Reno asked again but I was too busy holding myself, crying.

"I don't want to be touched." I whispered and when I looked up Reno was kneeling in front of me.

"I wont touch you. But I want to help you. Axel wants to help you. Tell us what's bothering you so that we can help you."

"I'm scared." I admitted, not even sure what I was saying or why, but my brain seemed to be missing.

"What are you scared of?" Reno asked and Axel stood behind him, looking nervous.

"Being hurt."

"Hurt? How?" Reno kept interrogating me as I cried harder.

"I don't want anything inside me. It hurt so bad. He was so rough with me." My vision started to blur as red stained my sight.

"No one is going to go in you, ok Roxy?" That was Axel and when I finished rubbing my eyes, I saw that he was kneeling too.

"Kay." I whimpered and Axel held his hands out.

"Can I hold you?" I thought for a moment before I nodded.

"Just not my skin. Please." I begged and Axel nodded.

"Come here." Axel held me and I continued my muffled sobs as Reno sighed.

"Axe, give him some space."

"But I," Axel argued, but Reno cut him off.

"Right now Roxas needs space." Reno repeated and Axel let go of me.

"It hurts." I said again. Last night, when I went to the bathroom after Reno drove us to his place, I realized that Luxord ripped my muscles and made me bleed.

"I think I have some pain meds that can help. Axel, get him one of those heating pads so he can sit on it." Reno ordered and they each walked away as I sat in the corner of the room.

"Come on, on your feet." Rude came up to me and offered a hand.

"Kay." I stood weakly, taking his hand as he pulled me up.

"Here, go ahead." Reno motioned to the couch for me to sit on the heating pad that Axel plugged in. "It should help relax your muscles, ok?"

I sat down and Axel watched as I swallowed some Motrin.

"I'm sorry." Axel gulped and I closed my eyes tired.

"Feeling any better?" Reno asked me and I nodded slowly. "Alright, get some rest." Reno said and I leaned against the armrest of the couch.

"Can I sit next to you?" Axel asked and I nodded, thankful that Axel cared enough to ask first.

"Alright, lets just be more careful." Reno said as Axel sat down.

"I love you Axe." I blinked the last of my tears free and Axel sighed, sounding tired.

"I know. I love you too. Just try to relax your body." Axel kept his distance as I adjusted to the emotions of the physical pain.

"Axe?" I asked once I was ready.

"What is it baby?" Axel tried to smile, for me.

"Hold me?"

"Of course." Axel scooted over to me and threw his arms around my hips, careful not to touch my bare skin.

"Don't let me go." I begged and Axel smiled.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"I needed you Axe. I cried for you but you didn't come." I started to sniffle again.

"When?" Axel asked and I looked away.

"When Luxord was dragging me away." I confessed and I could see tears forming in Axel's eyes.

"I'm so sorry Rox. I shouldn't have left you. I'm so sorry." Axel let a tear fall and I felt so guilty for making him cry.

"I need you." I repeated and he nodded.

"I need you too." He nearly choked as I buried my face in his neck.

"I love you." I said again, just knowing that it had to be said. Axel rocked us back and forth, knowing just how to calm me down.

"I love you Roxas. I love you so much. I'm so proud of you." Axel added that last bit, knowing just how special it was for me to hear, especially since it encouraged me to try harder to be his perfect boyfriend.

"Why don't you two go lay down again and I'll get you when dinner's ready?" Reno suggested and when I nodded that I agreed, Axel carried us to Reno's bed, tucked us in, and held me as I took a much needed nap. All these emotions, memories, and flashbacks were becoming too much.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So I had a horrible sleepless night and am completely tired and drained. Just wanted to say thanks for reading!<p>

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: YAY I'm glad that you liked the chapter! You really are so sweet and you're compliments are such an uplifting part of my day, it makes me try harder not to let you down! I hope this chapter met your standards. And thanks for saying thank you multiple times ^_^

To kindofbadger: I'm glad that you liked the variety of emotions and at the stupidity of Axel and Demyx being drunk. Yes, Reno and Rude seem so much more approachable then most stories make them seem, so I try to show just how sweet I feel them to really be. Arent they adorable together? And wanting a baby….i just HAD to throw that in ;) Thank you so much for being a dedicated and thoughtful fan!

To Vocal-len02: Thanks! I love my Reno lol!

To Shadowridge: Uh….do you want the long answer or the short answer? . I know I tend to include it a lot in many of my stories, and I apologize if its overdone and unnecessary for the storyline, but it helps me adjust with some of the trust issues I have thanks to my ex…..so yea…. I hope that made enough sense lol.

To KidaKama: AH! I'm sorry for making you mad at Luxord! I love Luxord too. He's usually one of my fav Org. 13 members (besides, Axel, Demyx, Roxas, Zexion, and Marly), but I needed a 'bad tough looking guy' and he totally fits the profile. Awww, I'm sorry that you almost cried, but I'm glad that my writing was convincing enough lol. I cant wait to see it, thanks Sunshine.


	16. Let's Just Go Home

Even though Axel held me, I was having horrible nightmares of what my dad used to do to me, and I tried desperately to wake up, but I just couldn't. I thought that I was forever stuck in that nightmare of a flashback when I felt cold water splash my face. I sprang up to see Rude, Reno, and Axel all staring at me.

"Roxas? You ok?" Axel threw his arms around me and pulled me into a hug as he sat at my bedside.

"Damn kid, you scared us." Rude shook his head and I put a hand to mine.

"I'm sorry." I dried the water off with my shirt.

"Are you ok?" Reno asked and I nodded.

"Bad dream." I said and Axel pushed me back so that we could see each other.

"I could tell when you started kicking me and screaming profanities."

"I'm sorry." I said, truly meaning it when Axel shook his head.

"Don't be. I felt so bad, I kept trying to wake you up, but nothing was working."

"I'm ok. I don't want to sleep anymore." I said and Axel nodded.

"Lets go eat." Reno led us all to the kitchen as we sat down at the table.

"Thanks for dinner Rude." Axel said and I nodded.

"Yea." Rude answered.

"I could use some desert, what do you say Rox?" Axel leaned back in his chair and I nodded. "We'll be back." Axel said as we stood up to go grab something to bring back.

"Rude, can I talk to you?" Reno stood up as well and I put on my shoes.

"Axe? Can I stay? My butt hurts." I looked away, feeling bad for my stupid excuse, but it was true.

"Yeah, of course. Is there something specific you want?" Axel put on his backpack and I shook my head.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Axel kissed my temple and left. I was about to sit on the couch when I heard Reno yelling.

"That's not what it's about, Rude!" I slowly walked towards their bedroom, the door mostly closed with a small gap just big enough to peak in.

"Calm down." Rude said quietly.

"I just hate feeling this way." Reno sounded really distressed as I wondered what they were arguing about.

"Reno, talk to me." Rude said and I could hear Reno sigh.

"I hated how shitty my childhood was, watching the way my mom treated my dad. But what I hate most was how I neglected Axel. He needed someone to be there for him and help guide him while our parents fucked up. Instead, I ran away to my friends and to you and just left him. I wish I could go back in time and be there for him."

"I know. He knows too. Don't worry about the past; focus on the future while making the most of your current state." Rude said as I continued to hide outside the door.

"I'm trying. I just wish there was more I could do."

"You think that by adopting, you can help someone the way you wished you would have helped Axel?" Rude asked and Reno was quiet for a while.

"I just want someone to look out for; someone who can look up to me. It's not that you aren't enough, Rude, cause you are. I just want someone I can take care of and protect as my own."

I gulped. Reno sounded so sad over his discussion and I wished that there was something I could do to help them.

"Look, if you want a kid that badly, we can adopt." Rude suggested and Reno sniffled.

"Really?"

"Yeah. But I aint changing no diapers."

"Rude! You'll make a great daddy!"

"And you'll make a great mother." Rude said and I could hear his smile.

"You sure you want to go through with this?" Reno asked and I sneaked a quick peak to see Rude nodding.

"If you want to quit work so you can stay home, you can."

"We should wait to see if we even get a child."

"What age do you want?" Rude asked.

"Well I want someone I can still hold and tuck into bed. Someone who's already potty trained, can walk, and can talk."

"So like, six?"

"Psh, I don't know."

Rude sighed. "Only you Reno."

"Only me what?"

"I'd only get involved in something so dangerous with you."

Reno laughed, "Rude, you're making it seem like we're going out on some top secret mission. We're just trying to adopt."

"Same thing. Ever seen one of them cry? They cry for hours." Rude chuckled nervously.

"And I plan to be there to hold him while he does."

"So you want a boy?"

"Preferably."

"Alright. Let's talk about this later tonight, ok?" Rude said and I was about to go back to the couch when I heard Reno snicker.

"Oh Rude?" Reno asked suspiciously but Rude never answered. When I peaked again to make sure they were ok, I saw Rude holding Reno's hair with one hand and pulling his long ponytail with his other. It almost looked painful but I could tell that Reno liked it cause he was smiling as they were making out.

"You want a quickie?" Rude asked and I got scared.

"I don't know. Do you think they'll be back soon?" Reno asked.

"Probably." Rude grunted.

"Fine, then how about tonight?" Reno asked and Rude laughed.

"Deal."

I went back on the couch and Axel came back before the couple came out of their bedroom.

We ate the ice cream that Axel brought back and I never told them that I was here all along, since I didn't want to make it uncomfortable. I felt a bit guilty that I listened in, but I also want to help Reno.

We ate, quietly for the most part, and then Sora and Riku stopped by.

"How do you know where they live?" I asked Sora but Riku answered.

"I work with them."

"You do?" I asked, surprised.

"Yea. Shinra is a powerful company and pays good." Riku shrugged.

"Hell yea it does." Reno laughed and Rude smiled, well barely smiled, but for him, it counts.

"Happy birthday Axel." Sora said and I could tell that he was a bit suspicious considering Axel slapped me last night.

"Thanks Sora. And about last night, I'm really sorry for what I did to Roxas. We made up, and I promise I wont make that mistake again."

Sora crossed his arms, as if he were my father. "I'll let it slide. As long as Roxas is safe and happy, then I am too."

Demyx and Xigbar came over and we all hung out for Axel's birthday, but as the day wore off, I wondered what would happen and where I would go. Axel and I are still together, but do I go back to live with him? What about Sora? What about Reno?

"Roxas, do you want to come back with us?" Riku asked me quietly while everyone else was out in the backyard. I had just got out of the bathroom and was caught off guard.

"Oh, um, I don't know."

"You know, just because you got back with Axel doesn't mean you have to live with him. There shouldn't be a need to rush things again." Riku took a sip of his soda and I thought.

"Maybe space would be better for us?"

"For us?" Axel walked up and I gulped.

"Um yea. I'm really happy that we're back together, but maybe if we had some space, we can work on our relationship without forcing too much?" I shrugged and Axel smiled.

"I'm glad that you thought this through." Axel slipped his arms around my waist.

"What if we spend weekends together, but I can stay with Sora and Riku during the weekdays? I think that would help us work on balancing things out." I shrugged and Axel kissed my nose.

"I think that's a great idea babe." I reached on my tip toes to kiss his cheek before I excused myself outside, where we all hung out for a few more hours.

"Roxas, we're leaving." Sora warned me and I stood up to join him and Riku.

"Bye." I waved and walked up to Rude and Reno.

"Thanks for letting me stay." I hugged Rude.

"No problem." He said in his usual monotone voice.

"Thanks for everything Reno."

"Of course. If you ever need a place to crash, you are always welcome here." Reno held me and I squeezed him back.

"I love you." I said and he sighed gently out his nose.

"I love you too Roxas. Be good for Sora, ok?" He messed up my hair and I smiled.

"Yes mom." I winked and he laughed.

"That's Mrs. Mom to you." Reno patted my back as I walked to the front door, where Riku waited with Sora.

"Sora? Do…do you mind if I stay here tonight?" I asked my twin and he looked to Reno.

"If it's fine with you, I'm cool with it." Reno said and Sora nodded.

"Alright. Have fun and stay safe Roxas." Sora hugged me goodbye.

"Behave." Riku gave me a small hug and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes Sir."

"I have his bag of clothes and stuff in the car, I'll be back." Sora ran off and came back to drop off a change of clothes and other over-night necessities.

"Thanks Reno." I hugged him again once my twin and Riku left.

"No problem kid." Reno smiled and I put my stuff in the room, the went back outside to join Demyx, Xigbar, and Axel.

"You're not going home?" Axel asked me.

"I'm staying here tonight." I answered and Axel gave a small smile.

"Alright. Glad you can stay with me a bit longer on my birthday." Axel kissed my forehead and I held his hand as we talked with his friends for another hour.

"Roxas, I'm going home. I'll see you Friday?" Axel asked and I felt bad, realizing that I was leaving him all alone on his birthday night.

"Do you want me to stay over with you tonight? It is your birthday." I offered.

"Don't worry about it. Wait till you're ready and then we can have that make-up sex and all, ok?" Axel kissed my lips softly and I smiled.

"Ok. Don't go looking for your present! I want to see your face when you open it."

Axel smiled back. "Ok babe. I love you."

"I love you too." We hugged before Axel talked to Reno.

"Since he had a pretty bad nightmare, keep an extra eye on him for me, please?"

"You know I will." Reno bragged and Axel thanked him before he left.

"You ready?" Rude asked and I nodded as I prepared to bed.

"Here's a fresh towel for the shower." Reno handed a clean white towel to me as I started taking off my shirt.

"Thanks."

"Yep. Oh and where do you want to sleep?" Reno asked.

"Anywhere is fine with me. I don't want to impose. I can sleep on the couch if that's easiest."

"I want you to feel comfortable here. I also want you somewhere close in case you have another nightmare." Reno explained and I nodded.

"I really appreciate you taking care of me."

"I'm glad that you are happy here." Reno smiled.

"Can? Can I sleep like we did last night?" I asked, hesitant. I wanted so badly to be warm and safe between them, but I didn't want to impose.

Reno smiled. "Of course. No go on and shower, dirty boy." Reno pushed me towards the bathroom and I laughed.

"Kay. Reno? Thanks." I went inside the bathroom, showered, and climbed into the empty bed.

"What the?" Rude half asked when he walked in his room to see me snuggled up in his bed.

"Oh, um, Reno said I could sleep in here again." I bit my lip, anticipating an angry response.

"Oh. Alright." Rude remained short and climbed in with his black T-shirt and flannel pants.

"Night." Rude turned off his side lamp while we waited for Reno.

"Do you want me to move over?" I asked, trying not to take too much of Rude's space.

"No. Just get some rest." To my surprise, Rude quickly pecked my forehead with his lips and laid down.

"Night Rude." I smiled, laughing quietly at his 'tender' moment. I laid down next to him and put my arms around one of his.

"Night." Rude said, moving his arm closer to me so that I could hold onto it more easily. I was nearly asleep when Reno finally came in.

"Oh don't you two look adorable!" Reno enthusiastically whispered.

"He does look sweet when he sleeps." Rude said and I tried not to look awake.

"Are you mad?" Reno asked and Rude exhaled loudly through his nose as if he were thinking.

"He's got my left arm, so as long as I have my right, we'll be ok. He squeezes hard though."

Reno laughed. "I meant about how we cant have sex tonight."

"Oh. Guess you'll just owe me two orgasms when we do have it."

"Oooh good." Reno snickered and got in bed next to me, lying on his side.

In my 'fake' sleep, I put my other arm around his middle.

"Reno, do you think Axel would be mad?" Rude asked after Reno turned off his night lamp and we all laid in silence

"Why would he be mad?"

"Cause he gets jealous easily and his boyfriend is sleeping with us."

"It's not like we're doing anything. We're just holding him. Besides, Axel knows I have you, and you're all I could ever want."

"And you're all I ever want. Reno? I've been thinking….I think I'd like a kid too."

"Really Rude? You do?" Reno sat up and I whimpered, so he brushed my hair and cooed me back to a state of calm. "Shh, go back to bed Roxy."

"Yeah. I think I'd like to have someone sleep between us more often. It calms me down and makes me wake up missing you twice as much." Rude said and Reno giggled.

"Awww, Rude, you are too sweet." Reno reached over me and the two kissed loudly.

"Do you think he's a heavy sleeper?" Rude asked.

"We are not having sex in front of the baby." Reno laughed.

"He's hardly a baby. Well he does cry a lot." Rude said and I tried to remain looking peaceful in sleep, although it was hard.

"Rude! He's hurt. And I like how he's expressive. It makes him that much more adorable." Reno rubbed my back and I almost smiled. I loved how loved these two make me feel.

"He does look kind of cute when he cries. Like how you look cute when you're angry."

"I do not!" Reno whispered angrily.

"Like now." Rude chuckled and Reno sighed.

"Whatever. Let's just get some sleep." Reno laid back down and put his arms around me as I snuggled into him. All three of us were on our sides and Rude squished behind me so that we could all fit, practically sandwiching me in the middle.

I went to bed happy and content to be sleeping in safety without worrying about fucking up a relationship with sex. And unlike last night, this time, I knew that I had my Axel.

I woke up feeling refreshed and content when Riku came and picked me up. I went back to live with Sora and spent a couple months with him and Riku, since they live close to where I work at that Italian restaurant. On the weekends, I'd go to Axel's and we don't have sex anymore, since my therapist (yep, still going) advised that the nightmares might get better if I remain abstinent. It's not easy, but Axel encourages me that it's what's best, so I do my best to listen. The last time that Luxord raped me hit me hard, and Axel's been great at listening to my needs, but I still need the help for everything that I still have bottled up inside me.

For the most part, the nightmares are easing up and I'm spending more time at work to fill up my day so that I'm not just sitting at home bored while Sora runs all over town to get stuff done.

I still have Axel's birthday present from months ago, still wrapped, since it's all sex toys and stuff and we agreed to wait till I'm ready to have him open it. Of course its in a green bag with red tissue, so Axel said that maybe for Christmas. He's always giving me a hard time about being in love with Christmas colors, but I tell him that it's his fault for being a redhead and having such amazing green eyes.

Christmas is only a week away and Reno is having a party in a few days, so we're all heading over there. From what I hear, Reno's going to have some of his buddies over, and Xigbar is inviting his friends too, so it's going to be a big party that will probably have booze and shit. Axel said that as long as we stay together and we limit our drinking, we should be ok.

On the day of the party, I started changing into my clothes, of course choosing green skinny jeans and a red V-neck. Axel can joke all he wants, cause this time, it's for Christmas, not him.

Sora wore red and white, Riku wore green and white, and when we got there early, Rude was in all black.

"Rude? Where's your spirit?" Reno came out in a Santa suit; a very skinny Santa suit.

"Gone." Rude sat on the couch.

"What am I going to do with you?" Reno shook his head.

"Sora, I have a present for you." Riku said as he went back to the car and handed a bag to Sora.

"What is it?"

"Open it in the bathroom, and come back in it." Riku smirked and Sora gulped.

"Riku?" Sora stomped his foot.

"Just trust me." Riku waved him off and Sora rolled his eyes as he obeyed.

I got a soda, rejoined Riku, and stood with eyes wide and scared to see my twin brother wearing a red dress. It had sleeves that hung low on his shoulders, and covered his entire arms, and it went slightly above his knee. There was white fluff trimming on the top and bottom of the dress and the red velvet matched the red Santa hat that Riku topped him off with.

"You look so adorable." Riku kissed my twin to stop him from arguing.

"You look ridiculous!" I started laughing when I felt hands on my shoulders. I turned, smiling to see my Axel, then frowning and screaming when I saw what was in his hands.

"Yep. Matching presents for our twins." Axel held up the same dress on a hanger, extending it to me. I then made a note to myself to kill Riku the next chance I could when we got home.

"I am NOT going to wear it." I backed up into Riku.

"Don't be stubborn Roxy. Come on and be a good boy so Santa doesn't give you coal."

"Axe! It's a dress!" I grumbled.

"It's adorable, and so are you, so together, you will look irresistible. Come on and try it." Axel shoved the dress in my hands and I growled as I changed into it.

The dress was short and flowy at the bottom and it was making me cold as I shivered, exiting the bathroom in fear.

"And the hat?" Axel put his hands on his hips as I rolled my eyes, throwing it on my head. "Roxas!" Axel came up to me, fixed the hat, and hugged me. "Cute."

"Shut up." I mumbled.

"Don't be grumpy. See? Sora isn't being grumpy." Axel pointed at how Sora wore the dress with pride, practically advertising it as he twirled in it for Riku. Riku smiled at me and winked as he pulled Sora into his lap.

"No." I said and Axel sighed.

"Well if you're that miserable in it, then just change back."

I felt a bit guilty.

"Axe, I'm not a girl." I said, putting a hand on my chest.

"I know you're not. But you're still cute, and I think it looks great on you. I wasn't trying to belittle you or make fun of you. I just wanted you to know how sexy I think you are." Axel looked away and I thought for a moment.

"Thank you Axe." I went on my tip toes to reach his lips, then I walked off to sit next to Riku.

"You're keeping it on?" Axel asked as he picked me up, stole my spot, and placed me in his lap.

"Yea, but you and Riku owe us!" I said and Sora laughed.

"Riku has to wear it tonight when we get home and all of Christmas day."

"Wait Sora, you never said I had to wear it on Christmas!"

"Deals a deal." Sora remained stubborn and I smirked.

"Same for you Axe."

Axel grinned. "It's worth it."

Demyx and Xigbar showed up next, each of them dressed up in Christmas colors as I felt like a dumbass in my dress.

"You can be my mrs. Clause." Axel nipped at my ear as I squirmed in his lap. He was wearing black skinny jeans and coincidentally the same red V-neck that I came in; hey, a red V-neck is very popular.

Some guy with a country accent came next, I think he said his name was Cid, but it was pretty hard to understand him with the cigarette in his mouth. Marluxia, Xemnas, and Saix came over as well, and I hadn't seen them since Axel first broke up with me. They were pretty surprised to see that we were still together, and especially surprised to see that we were getting along just fine

More people showed up that I didn't recognize, like a girl with super short hair, Yuffie, I think. Then another girl with long hair named Tifa and she was really nice, along with some girl in a pink dress and long braid. Then there was another guy, Rufus, and some girl with pink hair, kind of like Marluxia. Those two started talking to each other and Axel joked about how bad he'd feel for their kids who would have no other option but to have pink hair.

"There is hair dye." Riku shrugged.

"True, but still." Axel shivered.

"There are a lot of people here." I looked around to see many more people I didn't recognize and didn't bother to try to know, since half were drunk and I didn't care much to talk to someone who didn't even know their own name.

"Yea, Reno likes the loud busy club life. Poor Rude." Axel shook his head.

"Axel. Hide me." Right on cue, Rude ran up to us.

"What's wrong?"

"Your brother is completely hammered. And he's….trying to get me in his pants." Rude coughed and we all broke out laughing.

"Even with people here?" Sora giggled.

"Rude? Reno horny!" We heard Reno shout and Axel faked a gag noise.

"Go lock yourself in a bathroom!" Axel yelled and Rude took off running.

"Axe? Has you seen my lover?" Reno smiled like a drunk idiot.

"Yeah, this time, you aren't faking." Axel grabbed Reno and started walking. "Time for a nap. You need to sleep this off. Rox, wait for me."

I sighed. "Ok."

Riku shook his head. "And people wonder why I don't get drunk."

"I think it'd be fun if it was just us." Sora blushed and I shook my head.

"I'm leaving before this gets any more personal." I said, not wanting to hear what my twin had to say about the matter.

"You, I know you." I heard a voice say and I turned to see that hot hunky blonde, the one that I first cheated on Axel with.

"C-C-Cory?" I guessed.

"Cloud." The blonde said sternly and I gulped.

"Cloud?" Some tall brunette walked up to us and I remembered him as being the one who took him away from me….ok well technically I took Cloud away from the brunette, but still.

"You! You're that little twerp!"

"Leon, leave him alone." Cloud defended me and I stood, curious.

"Look, I don't want anything to do with either of you, so, can we, you know, forget it?" I asked, wondering what the odds would be for them to believe me and accept my request.

"Whatever." The brunette, Leon sighed and walked off up to some girl I was introduced to earlier, but I forgot her name. Something like Rhino…Rino…Rinoa? Either way, Leon walked up to her and Cloud followed while I tried to look for Axel.

I noticed that bad things happen most when we are separated, cause then a lack of communication makes something small turn into something huge, so if I could find him and stay with him, that could lessen the potential fights we have.

I wandered around the house for a bit, not sure who I was bumping into or what was going on, but when I had lost hope, I decided that I should go to Reno's room and text Axel to meet me there, that is if he even hears the text with the loud music and annoying drunk idiots yelling.

Sadly, that plan turned out horribly.

I opened the door to get a perfect view of Rude fucking Reno. Reno was on his back, legs over Rude's shoulders and Rude slammed in and out of him, looking rather painful, even as Reno begged for Rude to go harder. I gulped, frozen, wanting to shut the door if only I was capable of movement.

"Yeah, yeah, oh fuck Rude, fuck me harder!" Reno screamed and I slowly closed the door, trying to get that image out of my head. Ok so not going to lie, it was kind of hot, but still, that's Axel's brother. Rude is a lot more attractive naked though, I mean, his muscles are very appealing. And Reno…..looks a lot like Axel….fuck. Now I was growing hard. I ran to a bathroom, about to go in when someone stopped me.

"You ok?" Thank god it was Axel.

"Axe!" I jumped in his arms and he laughed.

"I missed you. Where'd you go?"

"Looking for you!" I poked his chest and he kept his arms around my hips.

"Alright, well lets stay together this time, ok?"

"Deal." I gasped, letting my head hit his chest.

"Come on, let's see if the couch is free." Axel took my hand and guided me through the crowd and onto the small sliver of space that was still free on the couch. Axel sat down and kept me tight in his lap.

"It's so loud." I yelled over the techno music that many people were dancing to.

"Do you know where Reno and Rude are?" Axel asked directly into my ear.

"In Reno's room, but don't go." I warned.

"Why not?" Axel was nearly laughing, not able to explain how scared I was.

"I accidentally walked in on them." I gulped, a bit embarrassed. "Don't tell anyone! I shut the door as soon as I could!"

Axel shook his head and laughed. "My poor Roxy."

"I kind of want to leave." I couldn't hide it anymore. I didn't want to drag Axel away, but I lost Sora and Riku, and I wasn't about to leave that couch for shit….ok excluding the door.

"Alright. Are you going home with Riku and Sora?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know where they are." I frowned. "I tried texting Sora, but I don't think he knows."

"You can always stay with me if you want. Christmas is just a couple days away, and I'd love to spend it with you, if you want."

"Yeah!" I jumped up in excitement and Axel took my hand and once again led the way to his car parked outside.

"What the?" I stopped when I found Sora: In the backseat of Riku's car, with said silver haired man, making out intensely. Riku was practically chewing Sora's tongue while Sora's hands molested Riku's ass.

"Ok lets just go home." Axel rushed us to his motorcycle as we left. I texted Sora that I'd be staying with Axel, while Axel texted Reno goodbye, and we rode silently to Axel's house.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Yay so another chapter posted means just TWO CHAPTERS LEFT! I'm sorry it took me so long to post this, but I was going to add a scene and after I got 5 pages in, I realized it didn't work and had to take it out. So again, I'm sorry!<p>

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: Exactly. It really isn't something that you just forget about, even if you try. Aww, I'm glad that you like my Reno. I hope to write a Reno X Rude story soon, but I still have a bunch of stories that I am working on. Protective is cute, as long as it isn't overbearing. Awww, YAY! I'm glad that you enjoy my crazy style. There are times when I think I'm going WAYY too out there, but I'm glad that you like it. I feel so honored to be favorited by you, so thank you very much for taking the time to express your sweet compliments ^_^. Trust me, this next chapter will be worth the one day wait ;) Aww THANKIES for the digital candy! That's a first lol. Digital flowers back to you!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Well let me start by saying, "CONGRATS on your first comment ever!" I am so glad that you like my story and even more glad that my story is your first comment ^_^ Luxord run over eh? Hmmm, well sadly I didn't write that, but I agree. I'd comment about him getting over his past, but I wouldn't dare ruin the story for you! Oh I hate reading in-complete stories, although I usually don't read anymore since I write way too much lol. But I am honored that you're willing to read this one even though it is incomplete. Don't worry, I will post one chapter tomorrow and the very last chapter the day after, yep, on Christmas ^_^ Thank you very much =)

To KidaKama: Yea Luxord just fit the profile too well. I've never had to play Demyx more than once, but I feel like I'm missing out because everyone bitches about how hard he is. Maybe if I play it on proud…I'd be scared lol. Yes, there are 2 chapters left in this series, so prepare! Lol. Thanks again Sunshine! ;P

To Shadowridge: yea it is gross, and OMG I'm so glad you hate Twilight as much as I do! XD About my ex…..he did….shit….lol. Basically, he took it too far. And like an idiot, he denied that I said no, but in my defense I was only crying and screaming, so verbally saying "no" was a bit difficult. Anyway, life goes on. Yea for sure! Go ahead! I don't mind. I haven't read or seen anything non-yaoi since before I started writing lol. It might be nice to take a break so I can come back to yaoi refreshed lol. To add a chapter, go to your profile, go to PUBLISH on the left, click Manage Stories in the subset, click the story title you want to update, click content chapters on the top of the tabs (2nd to the left) And from there you can add a chapter and give it a title. BUT FIRST you must download the document to the Doc Manager (upload) that is 2 subsets above the option to Manage Stories. Hope that was detailed enough, cause I'm slow and need step by step directions lol.

Thanks everyone for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	17. Big Spoon, Little Spoon

When we got to Axel's house, we were dead tired and crashed on his bed, still in our clothes. I woke up to see that we hadn't moved much in our sleep, cause we were still holding hands even though the rest of our bodies weren't touching.

"Axe?" I gently called as he slept.

"M?" Axel groaned back.

"Can you scoot over?" I asked. Usually I'm the one pushing him to the edge, but since we don't live together anymore, he probably got used to his space again.

"Sure." Axel rolled over, accidently letting go of my hand. I scooted closer to him and snuggled against his side, since he was lying on his stomach. There wasn't much room to snuggle with, but I tried, up until he pushed himself up with his arms to turn and look at me.

"What are you doing?" He asked and I gulped, hoping that I didn't upset him.

"I wanted to cuddle." I said nervously as he smiled.

"Then just say so." Axel rolled to his other side and we spooned.

"Thanks Axe." I wriggled my back into his chest as he laughed lightly.

"I love my lil spoon."

At that, I laughed too.

"Your lil spoon loves you too."

"Alright, one more hour, then its wake-up time." Axel sighed and we both relaxed into sleep.

When I woke up again, Axel was already up and dressed.

"I'm still tired." I pulled the blankets up to my chin.

"Well you have to get up so we can decorate the Christmas tree." Axel spanked me playfully.

"You haven't decorated it yet? Axe, it's Christmas eve!" I sat up and Axel shrugged.

"I wanted to decorate it with you, so I waited."

I couldn't fight back the small smile on my face.

"Thanks. Let's go." I got out of bed, quickly changed into some spare clothes I kept at his house for the weekends I stayed over.

"Alright, here's the box of ornaments and somehow we have to put the star on the top." Axel said, hands on hips, staring at the tall tree in his living room with some Christmas music playing softly in the background from his ipod.

"Doesn't sound too hard." I shrugged, placing ornaments wherever seemed appropriate.

"Is that all of them?" Axel asked after we put each one of the red and gold ornaments up. Axel likes to keep things simple.

"Yep. Now for the star?" I wondered just how we were going to reach; it was too tall for even Axel, since he didn't want to accidentally fall on it.

"Ok how about you go on my shoulders?" Axel proposed and I nodded.

"Easy. Easy. To the left." I guided verbally as I reached.

"Is it on?"

"Not yet."

"Hurry." Axel tried to balance my weight as I got it up.

"Ok, it's on."

"Alrighty." Axel let me slide down his back and onto my own feet. He high fived me. "Thanks baby."

"No problem." I smiled up to him as I felt his hand on the small of my back.

"I love you Roxy."

"I love you too." Axel leaned down to kiss me as his hands squeezed my sides. I couldn't help but slowly guide my hips into his, loving the way his kiss turned into a make-out session as we held each other.

"I really miss being intimate with you. I want you to heal and recover, but damn this just feels so relaxing. I miss it." Axel rested his cheek on my head and swayed us side to side.

"Me too. Maybe we can try." I suggested. We hadn't had sex, not since before Luxord raped me back in August.

"I don't want you to get hurt." Axel pulled back and brushed my hair out of my face.

"We'll go slow." I said and Axel nodded.

"Come on lil spoon." Axel winked and took my hand. We went in bed and spooned while his hands ran all over my thigh. "Rox, can I take your pants off?"

"Yeah." I sat up and quickly took off everything but my briefs, noticing how Axel rushed to do the same.

We laid back down, our bare skin touching as we snuggled.

"Squeeze!" Axel squeezed my middle as I chocked on my laughter.

"I cant breathe!" I laughed, still gasping for air.

"Spoons don't need to breathe." Axel let go as I panted.

"This spoon does." I turned around.

He put his hand under my head and I put mine under his as we laid there staring into each others eyes.

"I really do love you Roxas."

"I love you too Axe." I said and he straddled me so that he could kiss me.

"I'm so happy Rox; so proud that you've come so far for us." Axel rubbed his hand up and down my chest as I breathed into his touch. He circled his thumb over my nipple and I whined.

"More, please." I begged as he fell on top of me, letting his groin smash and scrub against mine.

"Ah!" I moaned loudly, loving the feeling of his hard cotton mixing with my warm briefs.

"Yeah, you want more of that shit?" Axel asked and I nodded. He grinded against me as I put my hands on his ass, squeezing as he slowed down so that he could grind harder and more intense, each inch driving me closer to my end.

"Ohhh, mmm, ahhh!" I panted, already desperate for more.

"Really?" Axel asked sarcastically as if to tease my inability to form words. "And how about this?" He asked as he pulled my erection out of my underwear, tugging on it as I bucked my hips up.

"YEAH!" I screamed, loving how fast he went as he licked my neck.

"So sexy. I love you Roxy." Axel smiled as I neared my end.

"Axe, I'm coming."

"Do you want me to go in?" Axel slowed down as I tried to control my sporadic breathes.

"Um, k." I said, not really in the right mind to make any decision.

"I'll be careful." Axel warned as he stretched my hole with two of his fingers.

"Ah!" I arched my back. "Hurts."

"You haven't been stretched in a while. It's ok, its just me." Axel tried to relax me as I nodded.

He put in a third and I screamed. "Fuck!"

"You ok?"

"Hurts." I said again.

"You're so tight. Just try to relax, ok?"

"Kay." I sighed to relax my body as he pulled his fingers out and propped my ankles on his shoulders.

"Ready?"

"Yeah." I said, not completely honest, but I didn't think that I'd ever be 'more ready', so I figured might as well get it over with.

"Alright." Axel slowly pushed in as I grimaced.

"Too big." I gasped, eyes closing, but Axel kept pushing in.

"Shhh, look at me Rox. Eyes open." I tried to listen, but it hurt too bad.

"Cant."

"Rox, I'm not going to thrust until you open your eyes. I don't want you getting flashbacks." He tried to be thoughtful, but it was too late.

"Out." I sniffled, unable to take the sensation of something so long inside me.

"Alright." Axel pulled out without question, cause he's just so loving like that. "Shh, calm down Roxas, its ok." Axel pulled me up so that I was sitting in his arms.

"I Sorry." I shuddered and Axel shushed me again.

"Shh, don't worry about it. Just relax, it's ok." Axel rubbed my bare back as I sighed, tired.

"Thank you." I knew that I owed him for being so great.

"For what?" Axel asked in surprise.

"For being so understanding. I need you Axe." I tightened my grip around his back as he exhaled loudly.

"I need you too lil spoon. You want to spoon? You want me to hold you from behind?" Axel asked and I nodded as he laid us down, holding onto me as I held onto his hands.

"Thank you big spoon." I smiled and I could feel the vibrations of Axel's laughing tummy.

"Of course my baby spoon. You're my baby. Mine. Got it memorized?" Axel asked and I nodded.

"Yours and only yours."

We cuddled for a while before Axel sat up.

"Babe? I have an idea." He said and I turned to face him.

"Ok?" I sat up next to him.

"What if you enter inside me?" Axel asked and I froze. The idea never occurred to me that I could top him. Ever since we started dating, it just seemed like common sense that he would top; he's taller, stronger, and older. I wondered how he really felt about being bottom though.

"You sure? It's a bit painful at first."

"I want to be intimate with you. I love you. You're my baby. And if I cant go in you, then maybe you can go in me." Axel offered a cheap smile and I smiled back.

"Ok."

"Yeah? Alright, lets try." Axel kissed my lips, obviously getting started by making out, which led to touching, which led to groping and moaning and then of course, intercourse.

His plan worked, cause before I knew it, he was holding onto me as I put my first finger inside him. Axel was in my lap, holding onto me for dear life, his face where I couldn't see on my shoulder.

"You ok?" I asked, since his body kept shivering.

"Yeah." He answered quickly. After I poked the first finger for a while, I added another.

"Just relax." I cooed, trying to help him feel better as he tensed.

"Fuck it hurts." Axel said as I pushed the third in.

"You're so tight."

"Well I've only had one of your fingers in me before, and that was a long time ago." Axel groaned.

I paused. I felt so dirty. I wanted to stop, but I didn't want to start a fight, so I continued.

"I love you Axel." I smiled to cheer us both up as I wriggled my fingers inside him.

"Love too." Axel panted and I knew that he was in discomfort.

"Alright, I'm going to go in. You should lie on your back, its easier." I advised but he shook his head.

"No."

"Why not?" I asked, my fingers still inside him.

"Just go." He rushed but I took my fingers out.

"Axe, it'll hurt less if you lie down for your first time."

"No Rox." Axel remained stubborn and I knew something was wrong.

"Why not?"

"Cause…. I don't want you to see my face." Axel whispered in my ear. True that this whole time I had been fingering him I couldn't see his reaction, but I thought that he just wanted to hold me tighter.

"You've seen my sex face plenty of times. It's nothing to be embarrassed of." I ran my hand up and down his pale smooth back.

"Please, no." Axel sounded like there was something in his throat.

"Ok."

"Maybe if we stand?" Axel suggested and I decided to just let him do what he wanted.

"Alright."

Axel slowly moved his legs, stood on his feet with his back to me, and placed his hands on a wall. He backed up his legs so that he was bending, allowing me to reach him better since he's so tall.

I walked up behind him, kissed his neck from behind, and slipped my hands on his hips.

"I love you Axel." I said as he exhaled in preparation.

"I love you too Rox." He gulped, cleared his throat, and I could already feel his heart race.

"I'm going in. Let me know if you want me to stop." I pressed my tip to his entrance.

"Kay." Axel said and I pushed it in slowly. "AH!" Axel moved one of his hands off of the wall and into his mouth to muffle his cries.

"Shh, its ok Axel. It's just your lil spoon. Don't worry." I couldn't believe how bad I felt for making him hurt. I wanted to stop, even if he didn't, just because I knew how badly he was hurting, even if he wouldn't admit it.

I pushed in deeper and waited for his muscles to relax enough for me to start thrusting. I slowly tapped my pelvis into his ass, pushing in all the way before coming out most of the way. He returned his hand back to the wall and I noticed how badly his back was shaking.

"Axe, do you want to lie down?" I asked, going even slower.

Axel shook his head.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, putting a hand on his hip.

Again, he shook his head.

"Axe, say something, please?" I asked but he only shook his head.

"I'm pulling out." I said, not willing to risk his safety and comfort.

"No!" He started crying and I felt bad, so I quickly went back in. "FUCK!" Axel screamed, going on his tip toes and I fell out, not tall enough to keep myself inside him.

I fell on my ass as he went on his knees.

"Axe?" My eyes were watering but I hardly noticed. All I cared about was my hurt boyfriend, shuddering and shaking, holding himself.

"Owww." Axel sniffled to keep his nose from running as I put a hand gently on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I said, my eyes leaking and my heart on pause, absolutely terrified.

Axel said nothing. He just sat there with his face in his hands.

"Please Axe. Say something. Anything. Tell me you hate me, I don't care. Just say something." I couldn't take his silence anymore.

"I'm fine." Axel sighed and I knew that he wasn't. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat again.

"Want to go in bed?" I asked and Axel nodded. "Come on." I helped Axel to his shaky feet and walked him to his bed.

Axel went on his side, pulling the blankets up to his eyes, not letting me see his face.

"I'm sorry." I said, still sitting up.

"It's ok." Axel whispered, barely audible.

"I love you." I said and he nodded. I needed to hear him repeat it; I needed him to comfort me that I had comforted him. I just needed him.

I went into the blankets as well and held him, being the big spoon.

"Big spoon loves his lil spoon." I whispered in his ear, kissing the small patch of skin by his cheek that his blanket and hair wasn't covering.

"Rox? Can I have some space?" Axel wriggled himself out of my arms and I sat up, eyes watering as I felt my chest convulsing.

Right away, I broke into sobs.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled, feeling like shit. No, worse than shit. Feeling the shittiest ever. I hurt him. I was no better than Luxord or my dad or anyone. I hurt him and he doesn't even want me to hold me. He doesn't want me at all.

I threw myself off of his bed, grabbed my red Axel pillow, ran out of his room and slammed the door behind me. I jumped on his couch and did the only thing I could: Screamed into that damn pillow. I yelled loudly, wailed with everything I had, and screamed until my throat went harsh. I blubbered like a baby as I tried to hold myself. I've had a lot of shitty Christmases, but this was going to be the worst.

I continued to sob as I pushed my back into the couch and pathetically spooned my Axel pillow. I wrapped my legs around it, squeezed my arms around it, and cried into it.

I was getting used to my depression when I felt something tug on my pillow.

"NO!" I screamed in my already raspy voice. Axel was standing over me, pulling on my pillow, trying to take it out of my arms.

"Stop!" I yelled louder, getting angry. How dare he take away the only thing I have left? What kind of monster would rip away a boys pillow when it's the only warmth and comfort he has?

"Let go!" I ordered as I sat up, pulling back.

"MINE!" I screeched as he pulled harder, ripping it out of my hands, causing me to hit my head on the couch cushion. I wailed louder, sobbing like a little kid who got lost from his mom or something. I let my face smash the couch seat as I continued to scream into it when I felt Axel lying down next to me.

I lifted my face up and tried to stop my sobs as I realized what he was doing: Axel pushed his back into my chest, grabbed my arms and placed them around his tummy, and sniffled loudly.

"I thought you were mine and mine alone?" He asked, tears obviously running down his face, which I still couldn't see.

"I am." I started panting again, my chest inflating too fast for words.

"Then why the fuck would you cheat on me with that fucking pillow?" Axel squeezed my hands and lifted them to his mouth, kissing them softly with his own trembling lips.

"Huh?" I asked, not sure what was actually happening.

"I just wanted some space cause my ass hurt. But then I come out here and you're practically fucking that pillow." Axel turned around and faced me. We both looked like crying messes.

"I thought you hated me." I blinked more tears out. Axel shook his head.

"No baby. I love you. I'm just hurt and tired. But I love you."

I started to quiver my lip again. "I love you too Axe." He put his arms around me and held me.

"Shh, don't cry." He said, even though I could feel warm tears leave his eyes and roll onto my cheeks.

"I love you." I said again and he kissed each one of my dripping tears away.

"I love you too." We laid in silence for a while.

"You know, I've never been so jealous of a pillow before." Axel smiled and I laughed, even through my tear stained face.

"I needed it whenever I didn't have you."

"But you have me now. I just needed some time for my body to recover, then I was going to hold you."

"I didn't know. You weren't saying anything and you sounded mad." I started to get worked up but Axel stopped me.

"Shh, I know, it's ok. Now we know to be more honest and just say what we need to to avoid conflict, ok?"

"Kay." I agreed, snuggling into his chest.

"God you have no idea how close I was to killing that pillow." Axel gave me an extra tight squeeze and I giggled.

"Killing a pillow?"

"Yeah! He was touching whats MINE!" Axel growled as he playfully nipped at my neck.

"Hehehe, mmm, I sorry." I smiled and Axel kissed my neck gently.

"If I ever see that goddamn pillow near you again, I'm going to burn it."

"No more pillows?"

"No more slutty pillows. You're mine and mine alone." Axel sat up, placed me on my back, and fell on top of me. Maybe those toys I bought him can wait till next year. It's sad, but it took till now for me to realize that I'd rather be held by him than fucked by him. I'd rather kiss his lips than lick his cock. I'd rather hold his hand, than hold his dick. I'd rather hear him say that he loves me than he hear panting my name. In fact, I needed to hear it, right then and there.

"I love you Axe." I let my hands roam his shoulder blades as he exhaled into relaxation.

"I love you too baby spoon. Night." Axel kissed my lips softly as we each held onto each other, sleeping on his couch, just the two of us naked in the cold night of Christmas Eve.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: OMG ONE CHAPTER LEFT! Ok so now that that is out, thank you all for reading!<p>

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: So tomorrow (for me as I am typing/posting this) is Christmas Day. However, to relieve any anxiety or stress induced by having to wait more than 24 hours for an update (especially when this is the last chapter we're talking about) I will post regardless of the holiday. So if you celebrate it, or not, just be aware that I will post tomorrow as scheduled. Happy Holidays ^_^

I have a one-shot Soriku that has a Beach lemon, so heads up! A cleon will be posted after that, and the summary for that is on my profile, so please check it for updates and such.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Oh yes, that will be wrapped up in the final chapter, so no worries, you will hear more of Reno X Rude ;) I really want to respond to what you said about Roxas and Axel moving forward in their relationship….but I'm afraid I'll have to keep my big mouth shut and just torture you once more, till I post the final chapter. Since it's Christmas time NOW, I figured it'd work in the story as well, as like a bonus treat for my dedicated readers and reviewers (points to you!) lol. Thank you for commenting and I hope you enjoyed this 2nd to last chapter!

To Hikari Tsukiyomi: YAY! I am so happy that you liked it! Reno is just amazing lol. Perhaps it was a decoy, perhaps Reno found him in the bathroom, we may never know lol. Oh yea, I love having them Match because my whole childhood, my twin and I always had the same things and we always went everywhere together like a matched set. SO annoying. It's my way of getting revenge now XD Sex toys are amazing birthday presents, although I don't have any or anyone to use them with….but still . No worries, it's my fault for posting so late, so hopefully you are still awake to read this one when you'd prefer ^_^ Aww, again, I am just blown away by your compliments. I have TONS more KH yaoi, so even when this story ends, I have plenty more on the way =) Thank you very much for your kind words.

To KidaKama: Awesome! I cant wait to see that one! If you need more clarification for what the dress looks like or anything, let me know. But yea, I'm excited now to see it! Now there is only ONE more chapter left! Thank you for reviewing and thank you for following me and my characters on this journey!

To RikuMewKira: =( I'm sorry! It has to end somewhere, but I'm sorry for having to end it. I'm glad that you like it and I appreciate how you appreciate how I post so often. It really isn't easy, but (and I'm not lying, no matter how cheesy it may sound), I do it for you (the fans). I'd hate to read a great beginning to a story, and then realize it's not over, and see that it hasn't been touched in weeks, months, or even years! Ugh, it's torture. I don't know why a writer would do that to anyone. So yea, I try to stay committed to my stories and fans, and I have a BUNCH of already written stories, so I will never run out of KH yaoi fanfic =) Thank you for the review and for the compliment, I appreciate them ^_^

To mellow-panda7: There is nothing to forgive =) I did miss reading your reviews, but I honestly don't see why you all review so much. Again, I am so ECSTATIC when you do, but I just cant comprehend the awesomeness that is all the reviews I get daily. I am just so honored and speechless, so please don't apologize, I'm thankful to just get one review per story! ^_^ Yes, I wanted to introduce Rude and Reno how I would see them at a first glance, but then, after a couple chapter, dig deeper. Aww, I am so glad that you like my portrayal of them. And about Reno and the kid they want…you'll see ;) I'm so sorry for torturing you for one more day, but I tried to make it worth it! Trust me, I will always keep writing. I have TOO many stories that are already written, being written, and that I'm brainstorming in my head. (As of now, I have 15 in all various stages of the process). So I will keep writing, and I hope that you keep reading and reviewing, cause I very much appreciate you're willingness to comment ^_^ I celebrate Christmas, so Merry Christmas back to you (if that is what you celebrate as well). =)

Thanks for reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	18. Christmas Wish

I woke up, moving my hands everywhere in search for his warmth, but when I couldn't find it, I flung up in panic.

"Axel?" I shouted, my heart racing until I saw him walk out of the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" Axel sat on his coffee table, facing me.

"Where'd you go?" I asked, hating how lonely I felt, even as I looked at him.

"Just to make breakfast. It is Christmas after all." Axel reminded me.

"Merry Christmas." I smiled, not completely happy, and I knew I wouldn't be until he held me again.

"Merry Christmas baby. Now stand up and hug your big spoon." Axel stood up and I rushed to my feet, nearly falling on him as I attacked him with my hug.

"I love you Axe." I rubbed my cheek up and down on his chest.

"I love you too Roxy. You're all I could ever ask for this Christmas. Just knowing that we're still together, it's the best present ever." Axel lifted my face up so that he could plant the gentlest of kisses on my lips, each one making me crave the next more and more.

"As we will be next Christmas and the one after that and the one after that and every single Christmas after that." I smiled up at him and he chuckled.

"You so cute baby." Axel squeezed my ass and kissed my temple. "Alright, lets eat so that we can get ready."

"Ready?" I asked, not knowing what he was referring to.

"We're going over to Sora's. Reno and Rude are going over too. Then we can come back, just you and I, and we can open our presents, ok?"

I looked to the tree to see a bunch of bags and wrapped boxes resting underneath.

"I cant wait!" I sped off to the kitchen where Axel and I ate. We showered together, although we didn't do anything, just shower, and changed into some Christmas apparel.

"I don't know if this is going to fit." Axel held up the dress he bought me and made me wear at Reno's party.

"If it'll fit Riku, it'll fit you." I smirked, reminding him of our deal.

"Yeah but I'm taller! This is going to show my ass."

"Lucky me." I stuck my tongue out and Axel rolled his eyes.

"Alright, lets see." Axel lifted his hands up and tried to put the dress on, although it was a tight fit.

It hung off his shoulders beautifully, better that it did me, since his skin is so smooth and pale and perfect. It barely covered a couple inches past his crotch, and I couldn't hide the smile on my face.

"Sexy."

"Oh I bet." Axel put a hand on his ass and posed.

"Hat." I reminded him and Axel put on his Santa hat.

"Oh, I forgot these." Axel dug into his dresser as I watched. "Wait out in the living room." He said and I rolled my eyes as I did. I wondered what was so special that I had to wait out there, but I did anyway.

"Ready?" He yelled as he entered the living room.

"Yea-," I stopped short. Under his dress he was wearing fishnets and black boots. The boots were his usual pair that went up his calf, but it looked extra sexy with those stockings.

"What do you think?" Axel strut his stuff over to me and I gulped.

"Holy shit." I widened my eyes. "Um, you ready to go?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Yep. Come on; if I have to ride a motorcycle in this, we better leave before the streets get packed."

I laughed, "Alright."

Axel put on a long black coat over the dress as he sped off with me behind him in white skinny jeans and a red sweater with a backpack full of the presents that we had for our family and friends.

"Hey! Why does Axel get to wear a coat over his dress?" Riku whined as soon as we stepped through the door. I started chocking on my own laughter at the sight of someone with broad shoulders and thick arms that made the seams look like they were going to pop in such a dress.

"Hey, I had to ride a motorcycle here! This dress is way too short to ride without anything else on."

"Well you're here now so take it off. I don't want to be the only idiot here." Riku rolled his eyes and Sora came up to hug me.

"Don't they look adorable?" Sora was also wearing white skinny jeans…it must have been our twin telepathy matching us, and he wore a green knit sweater as well.

"Oh yea. Too bad Axel isn't an inch taller or there'd be no point in him wearing that dress at all." I snickered.

"Puh-lease, if I was an inch taller you wouldn't be able to reach." Axel stuck his tongue out at me and I laughed. Axel removed his coat as we all joined Rude and Reno in the living room.

"Oh, there's two of them?" Rude chuckled as Riku and Axel walked side by side.

"Shut up." Axel grunted, sitting down on the couch and spreading his legs wide.

"Axe! You're in a dress!" I pointed at the wide gap between his legs.

"I have underwear on, thank you very much." Axel lifted one foot on the coffee table and I quickly sat in his lap to prevent anyone else from being blinded by my boyfriends body.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Reno came out of the bathroom dressed up as Santa. "Now, who wants to tell me what they want first?" Reno sat on a recliner chair, arms out wide.

"Aren't you supposed to ask before Christmas?" I clarified.

"Same difference kid." Reno waved me off. "Ok, Rude, why don't you go first?" Reno smirked and Rude sighed, getting off of his chair and on his boyfriends lap.

"Hello Santa." Rude said dryly.

"Have you been a good boy?" Reno asked in a fake Santa voice.

"I think Rude would make a better Santa." Sora said and Rude gave him a death glare…well he was wearing sunglasses, but we could all feel it anyway.

"He may look like a better Santa, but he doesn't have any cheer." Axel said and we all nodded.

"Now tell Santa, have you been a good boy Rude?" Reno asked and Rude sighed again.

"Yes."

"Oh really? Cause I beg to differ." Reno winked and Axel made a fake gagging noise.

"Arent you going to ask what I want for Christmas?" Rude asked and Reno smiled.

"Tell Santa what you want."

"I want my dick up your ass." Rude started making out with Reno and we all sat there wide eyed.

"Ok come on, get a room!" Axel hollered.

"Yeah, and not mine." Riku sighed.

"Alright alright, who's next?" Reno asked as he pushed Rude off of his lap.

"My turn!" Sora innocently jumped into Reno's lap while Riku watched with intense eyes.

"Have you been a good boy this year?" Reno asked and Sora nodded quickly.

"Oh yeah. Riku and I have been really good!" Sora smiled.

"Sounds boring." Axel said and I nudged his arm with mine to shut up, even though I was smiling.

"And what would you like for Christmas Sora?" Reno asked.

"I would like to spend time with my twin, my boyfriend, and our friends." Sora said, being the perfect person that he is.

"Sorry Sora, but that's not going to happen." Riku said and we all looked at him, confused. I started to panic seeing the way that Sora frowned.

"But, why not?" Sora looked like he was ready to cry.

"Because, I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore." Riku stood up and Sora put a hand to his mouth, already in tears.

"Wahhhhh!" Sora bawled in Reno's lap as I gulped, wondering what to do or say, pausing as Riku knelt in front of Sora.

"Sora? I don't want to be your boyfriend, because I want to be more. Marry me?" Riku opened a case to a shining ring as I smiled so big, loving the way that Sora went from sobbing to smiling like a dumb idiot.

"Riku!" Sora hopped off of Reno's lap and into Riku's arms as Riku stood up, lifted Sora off of his feet, and swung him around in circles.

"Dress." Axel coughed as we all looked away, but I'm sure the adorable couple didn't care.

"I love you Sora." Riku stopped to set Sora down and kiss him.

"I love you too Riku." Sora hugged Riku tightly.

"So, is that a yes?" Riku asked, smiling bigger in the past minute that I've seen his whole life added up.

"Mhm." Sora nodded and we all started clapping.

"All I want for Christmas is you Sora. For every Christmas, for the rest of my life." Riku said as Sora silently cried tears of joy.

"Congratulations!" I stood up and hugged Sora, then Riku. I was so happy for them. They deserve eternal happiness more than anyone for all they've done for me, and even for each other.

"Riku, do you want to go next?" Reno asked after we all settled down from the big proposal.

"No thanks Santa, I already got what I want." Riku said, his arm around Sora while Sora stared at the ring on his hand, moving it around, flashing his hand everywhere, smiling up at Riku.

"Roxy? Come on down!" Reno invited me so I went on his lap. I felt a connection to Reno that I couldn't describe. It was nothing like the connection I had with Axel or with my twin, but it was stronger than my connection with other friends.

"Santa? I haven't been all that good. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I've said a lot of things I wish I could take back. I hurt the ones I love most, and I hurt myself as well. I've been given a lot of second chances, and I've failed nearly all of them. I don't deserve my boyfriend. I don't deserve my awesome brother. And I don't deserve the friends I have today. I don't care if I get coal Santa, I really don't. I don't deserve to ask for anything this Christmas." I said honestly and everyone was quiet. Reno stared at me like he understood.

"But if I had to chose one thing I'd like to ask for, I wish that Axel gets everything he wants. He's been great this year; he's been amazing to me. All I want for Christmas is for him to be happy." I said and Reno nodded.

"You've been better than you give yourself credit for. I will grant you your Christmas wish." Reno smiled and I hugged him.

"Thanks Reno…I mean Santa."

"Axel, you're the last one." Reno said, helping me off his lap as I faced Axel for the first time since I left his side to sit on Reno's lap. Axel had this look on his face that I couldn't really explain. He seemed almost sad, like he was thinking. I hope I didn't remind him of what I pain I was to him. Oh fucking shit, if he breaks up with me know…fuck it, I'd probably kill myself.

"Santa?" Axel asked as stood next to Reno.

"Yea?" Reno asked back. We were all quiet.

"The one thing I want most this Christmas is to give Roxas what he deserves." Axel walked over to his coat and reached inside his pocket, pulling out a small box.

"What is it?" I asked as Axel handed it to me with a straight face.

"It's what you deserve Rox." Axel stood back as I took off the top.

I stared into the box, and when I looked back up, my eyes were leaking.

"What is it?" Sora asked and I sniffled.

I took out Axel's gift and held it in my hand for everyone to see.

"Axel!" Reno stood up angrily as I started to cry with a lump of coal in my hand.

"I thought you said you wouldn't care Roxas?" Axel asked and I tried to push all my tears back in my eyes and I muffled my own tears and whimpers as I tried to collect myself back together.

"Axel, what the fuck?" Reno took off his Santa hat and I tried to stop my bottom lip from quivering.

Coal. It's what I deserve, but it still hurt.

"Give me that." Reno took the coal out of my hands and threw it at Axel, who carefully caught it as if it meant the world to him. Reno went over to hug me while Sora walked up to him, clearly bothered.

"Axel, why?" Sora asked and Axel walked right up to me, ignoring Sora's question.

I was looking at my still clean hands, wondering why it hadn't turned black when Axel put a hand on my shoulder.

"Here." Axel extended me the coal.

"I don't want it." I looked away, upset.

"I think you do."

"No, I don't." I said, panting over my frustration.

"Open it Rox."

"Huh?" I asked, not sure what he was saying.

"Open it." Axel repeated with a small smile and I looked down to see that the coal had a line running through it horizontally. It was fake. No wonder it didn't stain my hand or Axel's.

I twisted it open and started crying all over again.

"I love you." Axel threw his arms around me. He started crying too and I sobbed, leaving everyone to wonder what was going on.

"What is it?" Reno asked.

"Are they ok?" I could hear Rude's voice.

"So what do you say?" Axel asked and I nodded, unable to break away from his hug.

"Yes. Yes!" I squeezed Axel tighter but he broke the hug, took the fake coal from my hand, and slipped that silver ring around my finger.

"He said yes." Axel smiled at Riku with watery eyes.

"Oh, I've seen those. Fake coal to hide diamond engagement rings in. I hear they sold a lot of them for this Christmas." Reno nodded as he finally understood.

"No way!" Sora jumped up, screaming like a girl. "ROXAS!" Sora tackled me back into the couch, hugging me and squeezing me. "We're engaged!"

I had the biggest smile on my face ever as I cried tears of joy, loving how even Axel was crying lightly as well.

"I love you Roxas. There is no one I'd rather go through life with. All our ups and downs are just a part of a journey I'm glad I'm taking with you."

"I love you Axel. I love you so much. Thank you for taking me back and giving me so many chances." I rushed up to his side and clawed at his dress, trying to touch him as much as I could, just trying to feel him as best I could to understand his love.

"You two." Reno shook his head with a smile. "You four!" He corrected himself as Riku, Sora, Axel, and I all smiled, guilty.

We all listened to Christmas music and opened the rest of our presents as the day quieted down. Reno gave Rude yet another pair of sunglasses, Sora got some candles and picture frames and Riku even spoiled him with an expensive camera. Reno and Axel gave each other gift cards to restaurants and Reno gave me some sweaters and T-shirts. Things were calming down fast after all the excitement that was starting to tire us all.

"Reno, we never asked you what you wanted for Christmas!" I remembered, even though it took a while.

Reno looked at me, then looked away. "It's ok." He shrugged.

"No it's not." I said, valuing him in my life.

"Come on, tell us." Axel said.

"Yeah, tell us what you want most in life. More than anything! We all got our wishes, so you will too! Well Rude hasn't gotten it yet, but I'm sure he will later." Sora blushed and we all laughed at him, except for Reno.

"Yeah, that's the thing." Reno's voice was very solemn and as he stood up, I could senses that something was terribly wrong.

"Reno," Rude stood up and the second Rude held him, Reno started crying.

"Oh Rude," Reno bawled and Axel jumped to his feet.

"Reno? What's wrong?"

"Was it something I said?" Sora asked in a hushed whisper but I knew he wasn't to blame; I could tell Reno's pain went deeper.

"Reno?" Rude asked, actually worried, for the first time that I've ever seen. "What's wrong?"

"Rude I, I," Reno started to smile through his watery eyes. "I'm pregnant."

* * *

><p>AUTHOR'S NOTE PLEASE READ: So yes, Reno is Prego, it's no bluff. And for those of you that are sad that this story is over….there WILL BE A SEQUEL that discusses the pregnancy, the baby, and of course, the twin's weddings ….and maybe, if you're lucky, the honeymoon ;) For those of you who are a bit unsure of male-pregnancy, don't worry, it wont be weird or creepy or anything, just simple honest, innocent love and baby making ^_^<p>

The sequel wont be out for a little bit, since I just started it and am also working on about 7 other stories, so please be patient, I do appreciate it.

Thank you all for joining me on this journey of a story, and I hope you all continue to follow along for the Sequel when it comes up. Check out my profile as time continues since I will be updating it to let you all know when to expect the sequel to be posted.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Well I hope that by now, the end, it is clear that he wont go back to being a little slut lol. Awww, Merry Christmas! I hope you liked my present to you lol. I'm so glad that you like this story that much, and again, Merry Christmas to you =) Hope to hear from you in the sequel, or in my other stories that I will be posting while I write the sequel ^_^ ~Sarabellum

To mellow-panda7: I want to start off by thanking you for your tip, but I intentionally leave it out. I feel bad for making my uke's go without lube, but it allows for lemons with more passion, drama, and intense emotions that I feel wouldn't be the same if I were to add it. I couldn't write that Axel-as-uke lemon the same way if I added lube. But I really should be more nice, so I'll start writing lemons that allow my uke's to enjoy it too lol. Funny how you mentioned 'making babies' cause you totally called it lol! I'll tell Axel to stay away for you, oh, and Merry Christmas to you too ^_^ I hope to see your comments during the sequel and possibly in my upcoming stories. Thank you for your reviews and support and advice =)

To KidaKama: Do you have a skype or email that you would be comfortable sharing with me? I can send pics of things close to what I envisioned, since it would be easier and more effective than trying to describe it. If not, I can do my best with my words, I am a writer after all :P or at least I'd like to think so lmao. Thank you for your wonderful reviews and I hope that you join me again in the sequel and maybe even my upcoming fics. Thanks again, and Merry Christmas to you as well ^_^

To Shadowridge: haha yes, they are so evil! ….still wish I had one though….lol ;) Ok, as sad and pathetic as this is,…I'm afraid of fire . SHHHHH! IT'S A SECRET (which makes no sense that I put it in all caps lmao). But yea, I seriously am afraid of fire, so no, I don't ever feel like incinerating things. If you've read my 1st posted story, Let Me Be Your Popsicle, Roxas has a fear of fire….yeah….that was self-inspired XD Aww, thank you! I really appreciate it. Well if you ever want to send me you story, I'm here. And I'm going back to re-read your story, oh and congrats for committing and continuing it! I know its not easy =) I hope to hear from you in the sequel!

To all of my readers, reviewers, and fans, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Have a wonderful KH yaoi filled life!

See you ALL in the sequel ^_^

Love, Sarabellum


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